Today was a very busy day. I didn't sleep that well last night because my hips were aching from all the walking I did yesterday. My elbows and forearms were also aching through the night because of my working on the hedge. I know they are aching just because the muscles are all out of shape. I hope that my hips are aching because of muscles but I'm also a little worried that the hips may be a result of the prednisone that I was on during treatments. I will be seeing my oncologist for a check up in about 2 weeks and I'll be asking him about the soreness in my hips.
Despite not sleeping well last night, I had good energy and the outdoors were calling my name. I decided to work on the hedge. I finally finished trimming the tops off the whole hedge!! I had started this project back in March or April. Once I finished trimming this morning, I felt a real sense of completion and satisfaction. I looked up the length of the hedge and....the first half that I had done back in the beginning of April (I think) is overgrown and in need of another trim. So I started on it again. As I worked on the trimming it, I realized that this time it is going much quicker. I also hadn't trimmed the sides of the hedge the first time. I worked on it for about 1 hour in total today. My arms and hands were very sore and stiff by the time I finished. So that was it for the day. Or so I thought.
My son had a batting practice up at the ball field at noon. My husband had to umpire at 1:30. My daughter was at a sleepover. My husband, son and I loaded up the van with all the trimmings from the hedge. We dropped my son off for his practice and then my husband I continued on to the city composting site. We dropped off the compost and then I dropped my husband off for his umpiring duties. I returned home with the intention of having some lunch and quiet time before picking my son and husband up.
The best laid plans always go awry. I should have learned over the last several months that plans are not important and to just go with the flow. I do go with the flow but I still find it a little difficult to let go of my "plans". I was warming up some leftovers for lunch when the phone rang. I had a wonderful visit with my in-laws. While chatting with them, my daughter called to inform me that she was staying at her friend's place for dinner and I was to pick her up at 7. I called my in-laws back and we continued our visit. By the time I hung up, it was 3:30. I still hadn't had my lunch and it was still sitting in the microwave but now it was cold. I reheated it again and just as I was pulling it out of the microwave, the phone rang. My husband was ready to be picked up from the ball field. I just hung the phone up and my son came in from his practice. They were both ready to have some supper and my husband had to still go back to the ball field for another game this evening. I picked my husband up and then threw together some supper.
Needless to say the day ended up being filled from the time I got up straight through to tonight. One of the things I wanted to change in life was the constant running on the treadmill of activities. I think I will have to make sure that I greedily snatch some quiet time every single day just for me. I found myself getting grumpy because I felt rushed all day long. My husband had to be there for 5:15 or so. I had offered to drive my son to his girlfriend's house for 6:30. My daughter needed to be picked up at 7. I wanted to watch my husband umpire his game. So I had about thirty to forty-five minutes between dropping my husband off and dropping my son off.
I took that time to quietly dead-head my peonies and my cranesbill geraniums. This time was so peaceful as I felt I was rejuvenating my flowers and at the same time listening to the birds. The repetitive motion of plucking off the spent flowerheads seemed to calm my inner turmoil and restore me to a peaceful sense of balance. I really love nature and the peace it gives to my soul. Today reinforced for me the fact that I really don't like racing through my day from one activity to another in an effort to be supportive to all the members of my family. I really do like supporting them but I find it very overwhelming and chaotic to go non-stop. I have to find a way to get off this whirling carousel of life. It seems to go faster and faster. I'm going to have to realize that I need some balance and that sometimes I'll have to say no or stop volunteering to drive as often. I'm very tired tonight as a result of the very busy day I had today.
I know this sounds like I'm complaining but it is more a realization of what needs to change. I'm still figuring out how I'll manage to implement the changes that I'm wanting. I did manage to make it to my husband's game that he was umpiring and I really enjoyed watching the game. I hope tomorrow will be a little less hectic. I am hoping to go to church in the morning and then that is it for the day. I am ready to have a full "day of rest" to let my sore muscles and tired body rejuvenate.
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Friday, 8 June 2012
I Love Life!
I woke up this morning full of energy! I thought after working on the hedge yesterday and trimming that I would be stiff and sore this morning. Nope!! I'm getting stronger.
I started working on the hedge again. I worked solid for 2 hours. The only reason I had to stop was that my storage boxes for the trimmings were full. I even filled a huge industrial garbage bag with all the dead wood that I pulled out of the hedge. I also came across 2 good-sized trees that were growing in the hedge. I took them out as well and cut them down to fit in the garbage bag. Everything was full when I decided to quit for the day. My son had the van so I couldn't make the run to the city composting site. I was very surprised to see that I had been working for 2 hours.
I had my lunch and rested at the same time. I was tired. By 1:30, I was ready to do some errands by foot since my son had the van. I walked to our bank to do some banking and then I walked to a local bulk food store to do some shopping. Then I walked home. I was walking very quickly and worked up quite a lather at the same time as my leg muscles started to burn. I must say that I was walking much slower by the time I was about 2 blocks from home. When I returned home, I was definitely tired and my hips were very achy. However, I was also very pleased with myself. I have always walked long distances as walking has been a mode of transportation since I was a teenager. This was the first time since I've been sick that I've walked that far and at that fast a pace. It only took me one hour to do my errands. I was back home by 2:30.
I was supposed to go grocery shopping with my husband tonight. I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it because of the activity I had today. I'm pleased to say that I was able to help with all the shopping tonight. Two weeks ago, I had to rest in the van while my husband finished the shopping.
I know that these accomplishments may seem trivial to other people. These are all mundane chores that we, myself included before I was sick, take for granted. This is what I mean about loving life. I now take pleasure in all the chores and tasks because I'm here to do them. While I work outside, I enjoy hearing and watching the birds. While I'm out doing errands, I enjoy the interactions with strangers and cashiers. I really like people watching. It is interesting to see how people act and react to each other and to circumstances.
However, I still find it difficult when people stare at my head because there's not much hair. Today a cashier looked at my head and then quickly looked away while I was waiting in the line. When I got to the cashier, she didn't know where to look. She was obviously uncomfortable with me and would not look at me while she talked to me. I understand because I used to be uncomfortable around people who had cancer. I used to be one of those people that would stay away from friends or acquaintances with cancer. I wouldn't send a card because I didn't know what to say. I've been like this ever since my dad died from lung cancer in 1991. When my mother-in-law died of cancer in 2002, it just confirmed for me that I was not comfortable and didn't know what to say to people who have cancer. My experience in the last 6 months has changed me for the better. I now can reach out to people and be compassionate. It wasn't that I couldn't be compassionate before because I really did care. But too many people I knew had died from this terrible disease. Perhaps, subconsciously and definitely incorrectly, I felt that anyone who had cancer that I prayed for or cared for all died and therefore I was a "bad luck charm". It's very hard to open yourself up and genuinely tell people how you feel about them and about their illness. To open up like that makes us vulnerable. So I don't take offense when people are uncomfortable around me because I understand. However it does make me very self-conscious when people stare at my head.
My hair is growing back in. Because it is fair, it looks like I have less hair than I actually do. I think it will be red again. It is still too short to tell if my hair is curly or not. My hair is very soft like a newborn baby's hair. It will be interesting to see what my hair does as it grows and fills in. Life is an adventure and full of unknowns. I used to be afraid of the unknowns. Now I look at it as an adventure and eagerly look forward to what's around the corner.
I started working on the hedge again. I worked solid for 2 hours. The only reason I had to stop was that my storage boxes for the trimmings were full. I even filled a huge industrial garbage bag with all the dead wood that I pulled out of the hedge. I also came across 2 good-sized trees that were growing in the hedge. I took them out as well and cut them down to fit in the garbage bag. Everything was full when I decided to quit for the day. My son had the van so I couldn't make the run to the city composting site. I was very surprised to see that I had been working for 2 hours.
I had my lunch and rested at the same time. I was tired. By 1:30, I was ready to do some errands by foot since my son had the van. I walked to our bank to do some banking and then I walked to a local bulk food store to do some shopping. Then I walked home. I was walking very quickly and worked up quite a lather at the same time as my leg muscles started to burn. I must say that I was walking much slower by the time I was about 2 blocks from home. When I returned home, I was definitely tired and my hips were very achy. However, I was also very pleased with myself. I have always walked long distances as walking has been a mode of transportation since I was a teenager. This was the first time since I've been sick that I've walked that far and at that fast a pace. It only took me one hour to do my errands. I was back home by 2:30.
I was supposed to go grocery shopping with my husband tonight. I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it because of the activity I had today. I'm pleased to say that I was able to help with all the shopping tonight. Two weeks ago, I had to rest in the van while my husband finished the shopping.
I know that these accomplishments may seem trivial to other people. These are all mundane chores that we, myself included before I was sick, take for granted. This is what I mean about loving life. I now take pleasure in all the chores and tasks because I'm here to do them. While I work outside, I enjoy hearing and watching the birds. While I'm out doing errands, I enjoy the interactions with strangers and cashiers. I really like people watching. It is interesting to see how people act and react to each other and to circumstances.
However, I still find it difficult when people stare at my head because there's not much hair. Today a cashier looked at my head and then quickly looked away while I was waiting in the line. When I got to the cashier, she didn't know where to look. She was obviously uncomfortable with me and would not look at me while she talked to me. I understand because I used to be uncomfortable around people who had cancer. I used to be one of those people that would stay away from friends or acquaintances with cancer. I wouldn't send a card because I didn't know what to say. I've been like this ever since my dad died from lung cancer in 1991. When my mother-in-law died of cancer in 2002, it just confirmed for me that I was not comfortable and didn't know what to say to people who have cancer. My experience in the last 6 months has changed me for the better. I now can reach out to people and be compassionate. It wasn't that I couldn't be compassionate before because I really did care. But too many people I knew had died from this terrible disease. Perhaps, subconsciously and definitely incorrectly, I felt that anyone who had cancer that I prayed for or cared for all died and therefore I was a "bad luck charm". It's very hard to open yourself up and genuinely tell people how you feel about them and about their illness. To open up like that makes us vulnerable. So I don't take offense when people are uncomfortable around me because I understand. However it does make me very self-conscious when people stare at my head.
My hair is growing back in. Because it is fair, it looks like I have less hair than I actually do. I think it will be red again. It is still too short to tell if my hair is curly or not. My hair is very soft like a newborn baby's hair. It will be interesting to see what my hair does as it grows and fills in. Life is an adventure and full of unknowns. I used to be afraid of the unknowns. Now I look at it as an adventure and eagerly look forward to what's around the corner.
Thursday, 7 June 2012
A Great Day
I thought for sure I would be sore and stiff this morning after cutting the grass yesterday. My calves were a little tight but other than that I felt good. It was a gorgeous day. It was bright and sunny but not too hot. A perfect day for losing myself in the yard.
I decided to use our electric grass trimmer. This is normally my husband's job but I've got the time now and I could learn to do this for him. I tried it out about a week and a half ago when I last cut the grass. It was very hard for me to hold it then. My arms were too weak. Today I was able to trim one third of the backyard. I only had to stop because the whipper snipper line got jammed. Being that I didn't know how to fix it and I didn't want to wreck the tool, I put the tool away and pulled out my hedge trimming shears and my lopping shears. I continued my project of trimming the hedge as my arms weren't tired or achy.
I worked slowly on the hedge until I felt myself getting tired. I managed to trim about ten feet of the hedge. There is still a fair amount left to do. As I looked at the hedge today, it also looks like I'll have to start at the top again and give it another trim. Hopefully, it will not take as much time and it will be a quick trim. Anyway, when I stopped trimming the hedge, I went indoors to see what time it was. I had been working hard for about an hour and a half straight. This is great news for me as my stamina hasn't been so good. What an improvement! It was very enjoyable to hear the birds singing away while I worked. Unfortunately, they don't come into the yard while I'm working but I can hear them in the trees in my neighbours' yards.
It was also close to lunch time. I had my lunch and drank lots of water. Obviously working outdoors had made me thirsty. After lunch, my body crashed. I guess I was more tired than I had thought. My plan for today had been to go watch my son play in the high school all-star game after school. My body was so tired that I really needed a nap. So I've adjusted to the "new normal" and am listening to my body. I informed my husband and my son that I would not be attending the ball game. I ended up sleeping for 2 hours this afternoon. It didn't really help as I've been tired all evening too.
Hopefully my body will be rejuvenated with a good night's sleep so that tomorrow I can continue to enjoy my time outdoors. My husband did fix the grass trimmer so I will hopefully attempt to finish that task tomorrow. A year ago, who would have thought that I would enjoy mundane chores so much. I find myself enjoying the small things and the ordinary things in life. Every moment seems a little more clear and bright. I also find myself wanting to live my life with a vengeance and not to put anything off until tomorrow.
I decided to use our electric grass trimmer. This is normally my husband's job but I've got the time now and I could learn to do this for him. I tried it out about a week and a half ago when I last cut the grass. It was very hard for me to hold it then. My arms were too weak. Today I was able to trim one third of the backyard. I only had to stop because the whipper snipper line got jammed. Being that I didn't know how to fix it and I didn't want to wreck the tool, I put the tool away and pulled out my hedge trimming shears and my lopping shears. I continued my project of trimming the hedge as my arms weren't tired or achy.
I worked slowly on the hedge until I felt myself getting tired. I managed to trim about ten feet of the hedge. There is still a fair amount left to do. As I looked at the hedge today, it also looks like I'll have to start at the top again and give it another trim. Hopefully, it will not take as much time and it will be a quick trim. Anyway, when I stopped trimming the hedge, I went indoors to see what time it was. I had been working hard for about an hour and a half straight. This is great news for me as my stamina hasn't been so good. What an improvement! It was very enjoyable to hear the birds singing away while I worked. Unfortunately, they don't come into the yard while I'm working but I can hear them in the trees in my neighbours' yards.
It was also close to lunch time. I had my lunch and drank lots of water. Obviously working outdoors had made me thirsty. After lunch, my body crashed. I guess I was more tired than I had thought. My plan for today had been to go watch my son play in the high school all-star game after school. My body was so tired that I really needed a nap. So I've adjusted to the "new normal" and am listening to my body. I informed my husband and my son that I would not be attending the ball game. I ended up sleeping for 2 hours this afternoon. It didn't really help as I've been tired all evening too.
Hopefully my body will be rejuvenated with a good night's sleep so that tomorrow I can continue to enjoy my time outdoors. My husband did fix the grass trimmer so I will hopefully attempt to finish that task tomorrow. A year ago, who would have thought that I would enjoy mundane chores so much. I find myself enjoying the small things and the ordinary things in life. Every moment seems a little more clear and bright. I also find myself wanting to live my life with a vengeance and not to put anything off until tomorrow.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Seeing Some Improvement
Today I'm very satisfied with how I'm progressing! Last night I went for a long walk which included a gradual hill. I was able to walk at my fastest pace and I didn't get out of breath until toward the end of the walk.
I've been consistently tired, stiff and sore for the last 4 days. My hips have been constantly aching. I was still tired when I woke up this morning but my muscles weren't aching anymore. This morning I went for a brief walk when I took my cat, Frodo, to the vet for his check up. This had been put on hold until I was finished my chemotherapy. I did find it hard to carry a 10 pound cat for one block. Before my treatments, this would not have been a problem.
After lunch, I mowed our lawn. It only took me 30 minutes longer than before I had treatments. I'm getting stronger and my stamina is getting better! I am still slower in pushing the mower and it still takes a lot out of me to go up the grade in our backyard. However, today I only stopped for a 15 minute break whereas two weeks ago, I had to stop twice for 30 minute breaks before I was cooled down and not panting. So I'm making improvements! Finally!! Patience isn't one of my strong points but I think I'll have to be learning more patience in the process of healing and getting back to normal.
I've been consistently tired, stiff and sore for the last 4 days. My hips have been constantly aching. I was still tired when I woke up this morning but my muscles weren't aching anymore. This morning I went for a brief walk when I took my cat, Frodo, to the vet for his check up. This had been put on hold until I was finished my chemotherapy. I did find it hard to carry a 10 pound cat for one block. Before my treatments, this would not have been a problem.
After lunch, I mowed our lawn. It only took me 30 minutes longer than before I had treatments. I'm getting stronger and my stamina is getting better! I am still slower in pushing the mower and it still takes a lot out of me to go up the grade in our backyard. However, today I only stopped for a 15 minute break whereas two weeks ago, I had to stop twice for 30 minute breaks before I was cooled down and not panting. So I'm making improvements! Finally!! Patience isn't one of my strong points but I think I'll have to be learning more patience in the process of healing and getting back to normal.
Monday, 4 June 2012
A New Normal?
My hips, knees and ankles continue to be stiff and sore after sitting for any length of time. When I get up in the morning, I look like a very old woman as I try to walk. I'm hoping this is not the "new normal". I've been seeing and ignoring the condition of my bathrooms. Today I decided I would try to clean the main bathroom. I very quickly realized my limits. I managed to scrub the shower surround until it was nice and shiny again. Unfortunately, it took me over an hour and I had to rest afterwards. I still had the tub to clean. I returned a phone call to my brother and enjoyed a nice visit with him while I rested. After an hour, I went back to cleaning the tub. It exhausted me. The rest of that bathroom will have to wait for another day to be cleaned.
I was our family taxi this afternoon. I picked up my children from school, dropped my daughter off at her piano lesson, dropped my son off at the baseball diamond for his high school game and returned to my daughter's piano lesson to wait for her to be finished. While waiting for her, I sat in the van and read my current book. While reading, I fell asleep without any warning. I woke up when my daughter came out to the van from her lesson. I dropped her off at home and continued back to the baseball diamond to watch my son's high school semi-final game. Unfortunately, they lost their game by a score of 2-1.
It doesn't take much to tire me out. I have so much I want to do! Not just chores but enjoyable activities. I want to continue to weed my flowerbeds. I want to finish the hedge. This is the same hedge that I've been working on since March or April. In fact, the front part of the hedge that I started with needs to be trimmed again! I want and need to trim my shrubs in front of my house. I want to get my house cleaned. I want to just sit and enjoy nature some more. I want to use some rhubarb to make a cake. I picked the rhubarb yesterday so they wouldn't be interfering with my tomato plants. I picked the rhubarb and then I was tired. Today I washed the rhubarb but was too tired to make the cake. I have enough rhubarb in the garden now that I could make my rhubarb/orange marmalade. I just don't know if I would have the energy and stamina to complete the task. This is a little frustrating. I really hope that this is not my "new normal".
I did go for a short walk with my husband to help relieve my achy, sore hips. I'm tired tonight and I'll be off to bed early. I've heard that it takes up to two years to regain your energy and stamina after chemotherapy. This may be another challenge for me.
I was our family taxi this afternoon. I picked up my children from school, dropped my daughter off at her piano lesson, dropped my son off at the baseball diamond for his high school game and returned to my daughter's piano lesson to wait for her to be finished. While waiting for her, I sat in the van and read my current book. While reading, I fell asleep without any warning. I woke up when my daughter came out to the van from her lesson. I dropped her off at home and continued back to the baseball diamond to watch my son's high school semi-final game. Unfortunately, they lost their game by a score of 2-1.
It doesn't take much to tire me out. I have so much I want to do! Not just chores but enjoyable activities. I want to continue to weed my flowerbeds. I want to finish the hedge. This is the same hedge that I've been working on since March or April. In fact, the front part of the hedge that I started with needs to be trimmed again! I want and need to trim my shrubs in front of my house. I want to get my house cleaned. I want to just sit and enjoy nature some more. I want to use some rhubarb to make a cake. I picked the rhubarb yesterday so they wouldn't be interfering with my tomato plants. I picked the rhubarb and then I was tired. Today I washed the rhubarb but was too tired to make the cake. I have enough rhubarb in the garden now that I could make my rhubarb/orange marmalade. I just don't know if I would have the energy and stamina to complete the task. This is a little frustrating. I really hope that this is not my "new normal".
I did go for a short walk with my husband to help relieve my achy, sore hips. I'm tired tonight and I'll be off to bed early. I've heard that it takes up to two years to regain your energy and stamina after chemotherapy. This may be another challenge for me.
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Relay For Life Recovery
So the Relay For Life is over. I anticipated being tired but I didn't anticipate being so stiff and sore that I can hardly move. My hips, thighs, knees, shins, ankles and feet are so stiff and sore it is hard to move after sitting or sleeping. Last night after supper, we went for a short walk at the local conservation area on the water. It was a short and gentle walk just to keep me moving and limber. It didn't help because this morning when I woke up, I had trouble getting out of bed.
So after breakfast was cleaned up, my husband and I went for a walk. It was a long walk through the neighbourhood just so I could keep my muscles moving. It worked until I sat down. Then I was stiff and sore again. I'm very tired today. It's a deep tiredness which is very much like how I felt during my treatments. After much thought, I think this is not only caused by walking on Friday night but also because I don't have a "project" to work on. I started putting together the Cathy Conquers Cancer team in April between my fifth and sixth chemotherapy treatments. Ever since then, I've been occupied and on a mission. My "project" is finished for now and I think that my mind is now ready to rest. As a result, my body is also deciding to rest. Part of what I'm feeling physically and mentally is an anticlimactic feeling. I'm listening to my body and will give it some well-deserved rest.
Tonight I watched my old mixed 3-pitch team play for a bit. It was very different to be sitting in the bleachers watching instead of on the field playing. Last summer when I played, I was so exhausted all the time. All summer long, I had explained my bone-weary exhaustion as just getting older and perhaps having to recognize that I was getting too old to play ball anymore. Little did I know that I had lymphoma at the time. A few of my team members and even the umpire asked if I would return to play this summer. I was wise and said "no, not this year". I just can't see myself being able to swing the bat and run the bases. Certainly, I am not in any shape to play in the outfield or even the infield. Maybe I could play behind home plate but my answer is still "no, not this year".
As I walked today, I was able to walk farther before I started to pant from exertion. Any kind of hill or grade still causes me to run out of breath. My goal is to be able to walk a good distance at a faster pace. It would be nice to handle some of the hills in the area without running out of breath.
This morning, I had a sad moment. I realized that it is about one year ago that I started working on "The Prayer" as a duet to sing at my daughter's confirmation service. As I thought of the performance of that duet, I became weepy. I remember practising and noticing that my high notes were needing more effort than they used to. Again, like many of the symptoms of my lymphoma, I put it down to an aging voice. Over the years, I have never had my musical performances recorded. This duet was recorded as part of a church service. The recording device broke down just after "The Prayer" had been recorded. In September, I managed to get the tape from the church and isolate "The Prayer" and copy it onto another audio cassette tape of my own. I did this so my daughter could have a lasting memory of my very special and meaningful gift to her. When I think that this could be the last time I sing, it hurts deeply. It brings me to tears. Over the last number of months, I've been exercising a very strong mental restraint to keep me from thinking of my singing. This morning as I allowed myself to remember, I started to break down into tears. I decided to prod and poke my misery and I pulled out the cassette and listened to it again. As I listened to the duet, I had goosebumps and I wept at the beauty of the sound. I may get my voice back but I'm not sure it will ever get back to the shape that it was in. I tried to softly sing our national anthem at the Relay For Life Opening Ceremony but I couldn't do it. I tried to sing "London Bride Is Falling Down" as I watched the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Pageant on the Thames River this morning. I wasn't able to sing the children's tune. This saddens me.
Instead of focusing on my lack of ability to sing, I'm going to spend my summer puttering in the garden. I still want to try to play my flute again. I haven't tried it yet. So my summer will be spent trying to get stronger and trying to play my flute.
So after breakfast was cleaned up, my husband and I went for a walk. It was a long walk through the neighbourhood just so I could keep my muscles moving. It worked until I sat down. Then I was stiff and sore again. I'm very tired today. It's a deep tiredness which is very much like how I felt during my treatments. After much thought, I think this is not only caused by walking on Friday night but also because I don't have a "project" to work on. I started putting together the Cathy Conquers Cancer team in April between my fifth and sixth chemotherapy treatments. Ever since then, I've been occupied and on a mission. My "project" is finished for now and I think that my mind is now ready to rest. As a result, my body is also deciding to rest. Part of what I'm feeling physically and mentally is an anticlimactic feeling. I'm listening to my body and will give it some well-deserved rest.
Tonight I watched my old mixed 3-pitch team play for a bit. It was very different to be sitting in the bleachers watching instead of on the field playing. Last summer when I played, I was so exhausted all the time. All summer long, I had explained my bone-weary exhaustion as just getting older and perhaps having to recognize that I was getting too old to play ball anymore. Little did I know that I had lymphoma at the time. A few of my team members and even the umpire asked if I would return to play this summer. I was wise and said "no, not this year". I just can't see myself being able to swing the bat and run the bases. Certainly, I am not in any shape to play in the outfield or even the infield. Maybe I could play behind home plate but my answer is still "no, not this year".
As I walked today, I was able to walk farther before I started to pant from exertion. Any kind of hill or grade still causes me to run out of breath. My goal is to be able to walk a good distance at a faster pace. It would be nice to handle some of the hills in the area without running out of breath.
This morning, I had a sad moment. I realized that it is about one year ago that I started working on "The Prayer" as a duet to sing at my daughter's confirmation service. As I thought of the performance of that duet, I became weepy. I remember practising and noticing that my high notes were needing more effort than they used to. Again, like many of the symptoms of my lymphoma, I put it down to an aging voice. Over the years, I have never had my musical performances recorded. This duet was recorded as part of a church service. The recording device broke down just after "The Prayer" had been recorded. In September, I managed to get the tape from the church and isolate "The Prayer" and copy it onto another audio cassette tape of my own. I did this so my daughter could have a lasting memory of my very special and meaningful gift to her. When I think that this could be the last time I sing, it hurts deeply. It brings me to tears. Over the last number of months, I've been exercising a very strong mental restraint to keep me from thinking of my singing. This morning as I allowed myself to remember, I started to break down into tears. I decided to prod and poke my misery and I pulled out the cassette and listened to it again. As I listened to the duet, I had goosebumps and I wept at the beauty of the sound. I may get my voice back but I'm not sure it will ever get back to the shape that it was in. I tried to softly sing our national anthem at the Relay For Life Opening Ceremony but I couldn't do it. I tried to sing "London Bride Is Falling Down" as I watched the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Pageant on the Thames River this morning. I wasn't able to sing the children's tune. This saddens me.
Instead of focusing on my lack of ability to sing, I'm going to spend my summer puttering in the garden. I still want to try to play my flute again. I haven't tried it yet. So my summer will be spent trying to get stronger and trying to play my flute.
Saturday, 2 June 2012
Rain, Rain, Didn't Go Away
As usual I came prepared with too much clothing, too much pop and too much food. This was because the Relay For Life was shortened due to the heavy rain. We had brought enough food to get us through the whole night. The Relay For Life ran from 7 to 10 p.m. tonight because of the heavy amounts of rain and teams that chose not to participate due to the weather. I have to say that Team Cathy Conquers Cancer came out in full force. We had a team banner and we walked starting in the Survivors' Lap all the way through until 10 p.m. Personally, I walked four laps which we think adds up to 1 mile! I'm stiff and sore.
I dressed in layers. I started with a turtle neck with a hoodie and then my Survivor's t-shirt and my jacket. I had long johns and my jeans. I finished off with a pair of socks and my rubber boots. Was I ever glad for my rubber boots!! The track was a soupy, muddy puddle. There were participants who were running in their bare feet. Their legs were black from mud. Talk about a natural spa.
I started my night in the Survivors' Reception where I met two wonderful survivors. One was a breast cancer survivor and has been cancer free for 2 years. The other survivor was a lymphoma survivor. It was very interesting to talk to her. Both ladies have been cancer free for 2 years and they still don't have the same amount of energy they did before cancer. They both said that for the first year, they would fall asleep in the afternoon. Again, everyone in the Survivors' Reception couldn't get over how good and healthy I look already.
I think the Relay For Life will be a fantastic time next year! I'm already intending to put in a team and my team members seem interested in joining me. We raised over $5,800 this year! This was in only four weeks. I'm overwhelmed and amazed by the support of my family, friends and the family and friends of my team mates. Thank you to everyone to supported us in our Relay For Life 2012.
I dressed in layers. I started with a turtle neck with a hoodie and then my Survivor's t-shirt and my jacket. I had long johns and my jeans. I finished off with a pair of socks and my rubber boots. Was I ever glad for my rubber boots!! The track was a soupy, muddy puddle. There were participants who were running in their bare feet. Their legs were black from mud. Talk about a natural spa.
I started my night in the Survivors' Reception where I met two wonderful survivors. One was a breast cancer survivor and has been cancer free for 2 years. The other survivor was a lymphoma survivor. It was very interesting to talk to her. Both ladies have been cancer free for 2 years and they still don't have the same amount of energy they did before cancer. They both said that for the first year, they would fall asleep in the afternoon. Again, everyone in the Survivors' Reception couldn't get over how good and healthy I look already.
I think the Relay For Life will be a fantastic time next year! I'm already intending to put in a team and my team members seem interested in joining me. We raised over $5,800 this year! This was in only four weeks. I'm overwhelmed and amazed by the support of my family, friends and the family and friends of my team mates. Thank you to everyone to supported us in our Relay For Life 2012.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)