Thursday, 29 March 2012

Day 15 - 4th Chemo Cycle

I was less tired today but did find that I run out of energy fairly quickly.  Just making a salad, heating up some left overs and setting the table then eating, tired me out.  I had to sit for about 30 minutes before I could summon up enough energy to go out and do a couple of errands tonight.

Today, I looked ahead to the Cancer Society's Relay For Life Kingston fundraiser on June 1, 2012.  I'm considering entering a team if I can get enough team members.  A team needs to consist of 10 to 15 members.  If I had family in Kingston, I would be able to field a team easily.  However, I don't have extended family in town to ask to join me.  The team members collect donations and then participate in a run/walk event that goes overnight into June 2.  I'm hoping to also participate in the Survivor's Lap.  I think this would be a great way to celebrate the end of my treatments and hopefully what will be the clear results of my CT scan which will be done after my last treatment.  If anyone in Kingston is interested in joining my team, please contact me either personally or through the comment section of this blog.

As I started researching the Relay For Life, I noticed the Survivor's Lap.  This brought me to tears.  As I've mentioned the Relay For Life to some friends, they have immediately wanted to participate.  This also brought tears to my eyes.  I still have very strong emotions regarding my lymphoma and recovery.  For the majority of the time, I seem to keep them deep inside and then "poof"....they just suddenly show up.   When I say I keep them deep inside, it's not like I'm stuffing them down and not acknowledging the emotions.  I do acknowledge them in my quiet moments when I'm alone.

What brings me close to tears is looking forward to being cured but also acknowledging the ways that the lymphoma has robbed me of moments with my children.  Missing some of their activities or just missing moments of shopping with my daughter are snippets of time that are gone.  They can not be recovered and as a result the cancer has stolen these from me.  I can try to replace these stolen moments but it is not the same.  However, having said all of this, I do know that I will have future times that will mean even more.  Life is fleeting and I think once you've faced a major illness, you learn to appreciate the small trivial moments a little more.

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