Friday, 8 June 2012

I Love Life!

I woke up this morning full of energy!  I thought after working on the hedge yesterday and trimming that I would be stiff and sore this morning.  Nope!!  I'm getting stronger.

I started working on the hedge again.  I worked solid for 2 hours.  The only reason I had to stop was that my storage boxes for the trimmings were full.  I even filled a huge industrial garbage bag with all the dead wood that I pulled out of the hedge.  I also came across 2 good-sized trees that were growing in the hedge.  I took them out as well and cut them down to fit in the garbage bag.  Everything was full when I decided to quit for the day.  My son had the van so I couldn't make the run to the city composting site.  I was very surprised to see that I had been working for 2 hours.

I had my lunch and rested at the same time.  I was tired.  By 1:30, I was ready to do some errands by foot since my son had the van.  I walked to our bank to do some banking and then I walked to a local bulk food store to do some shopping.  Then I walked home.  I was walking very quickly and worked up quite a lather at the same time as my leg muscles started to burn.  I must say that I was walking much slower by the time I was about 2 blocks from home.  When I returned home, I was definitely tired and my hips were very achy.  However, I was also very pleased with myself.  I have always walked long distances as walking has been a mode of transportation since I was a teenager.  This was the first time since I've been sick that I've walked that far and at that fast a pace.  It only took me one hour to do my errands.  I was back home by 2:30.

I was supposed to go grocery shopping with my husband tonight.  I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it because of the activity I had today.  I'm pleased to say that I was able to help with all the shopping tonight.  Two weeks ago, I had to rest in the van while my husband finished the shopping.

I know that these accomplishments may seem trivial to other people.  These are all mundane chores that we, myself included before I was sick, take for granted.  This is what I mean about loving life.  I now take pleasure in all the chores and tasks because I'm here to do them.  While I work outside, I enjoy hearing and watching the birds.  While I'm out doing errands, I enjoy the interactions with strangers and cashiers.  I really like people watching.  It is interesting to see how people act and react to each other and to circumstances.

However, I still find it difficult when people stare at my head because there's not much hair.  Today a cashier looked at my head and then quickly looked away while I was waiting in the line.  When I got to the cashier, she didn't know where to look.  She was obviously uncomfortable with me and would not look at me while she talked to me.  I understand because I used to be uncomfortable around people who had cancer.  I used to be one of those people that would stay away from friends or acquaintances with cancer.  I wouldn't send a card because I didn't know what to say.  I've been like this ever since my dad died from lung cancer in 1991.  When my mother-in-law died of cancer in 2002, it just confirmed for me that I was not comfortable and didn't know what to say to people who have cancer.  My experience in the last 6 months has changed me for the better.  I now can reach out to people and be compassionate.  It wasn't that I couldn't be compassionate before because I really did care.  But too many people I knew had died from this terrible disease.  Perhaps, subconsciously and definitely incorrectly, I felt that anyone who had cancer that I prayed for or cared for all died and therefore I was a "bad luck charm".  It's very hard to open yourself up and genuinely tell people how you feel about them and about their illness.  To open up like that makes us vulnerable.  So I don't take offense when people are uncomfortable around me because I understand.  However it does make me very self-conscious when people stare at my head.

My hair is growing back in.  Because it is fair, it looks like I have less hair than I actually do.  I think it will be red again.  It is still too short to tell if my hair is curly or not.  My hair is very soft like a newborn baby's hair.  It will be interesting to see what my hair does as it grows and fills in.  Life is an adventure and full of unknowns.  I used to be afraid of the unknowns.  Now I look at it as an adventure and eagerly look forward to what's around the corner.

1 comment:

  1. The past few posts have been much more upbeat. It shows that you are getting stronger and healthier as time goes by. We really do tend to take for granted the little things in life that we are able to do and the little things that we are able to enjoy. It's only when we can't do them that we realize how important they are. Cancer is still a very difficult topic for people. I used to feel uncomfortable before, didn't know what to say, but ever since my father died from it, I have a different perspective. I am much more at ease now, and offer whatever little suporrt and comfort I can. I think that that's really all people want. I am glad to hear that things are going so well. I have a feeling you will move forward very quickly because of your positive attitude and your zest for life. You are eager to get on with living!