Friday, 21 September 2012

All Sorts - You Never Know What You Get

Today's blog will touch on a variety of facets of life.  Each day I awake and I look forward to my day.  It is a little like digging into a bowl of All Sorts candy and picking one out.  They are never the same.  So I may have an idea of how my day will go but there are always little surprises and comprises which make each day slightly different.

This year I've arranged my teaching schedule to be busy for the first part of the week and then I can rest, read and enjoy the rest of my week.  One of the changes I wanted to make once I was back to enjoying life fully was still incorporating "deep thinking" time.  While I was ill, I enjoyed having time to contemplate and analyze aspects of my life.  As I have just finished my second week of teaching, I'm realizing that it is very easy for me to get so busy with day-to-day tasks that I forget to take time to sit quietly with no interruptions to think and enjoy life.  I like to be busy but I also like my "down time" where I can read and enjoy nature.  I'm noticing that I'm already starting to ignore and not make time for these little moments of peace and solitude.  Writing the blog seems to help me get that quiet time.

The other day I had my MRI.  Leading up to it, I was thinking of it as just another test to help explain my increased memory lapses.  Consciously, I wasn't too concerned about it as I didn't really believe there would be any lymphoma in the brain.  However, once my case nurse called from the hospital with the information that all is well, I was a little surprised at the extent of my feelings of relief.  I guess I was worrying more about it than I consciously thought I was.

Last week, I went to visit a friend who is in palliative care and I gave her my "The Frienship Book 2012" because it helped me so much while I was sick and I continued to enjoy it.  I thought the short daily readings might brighten her days and give her some inspiration.  I've missed my "The Frienship Book".  It helped to ground me in the morning and provide me with a figurative springboard into my day.  I still use "The Book of Awakening" too but it requires absolute solitude and quietness in order to concentrate on it, absorb it and meditate on it.  In a busy household, I don't always get this quiet time and that is where "The Friendship Book" was helpful because it was shorter and easier to grasp.  I think I'll be making a visit to the book store to see if I can pick up another one for myself.

There is an aspect to myself that I have always disliked.  Somewhere along the line in my life, I've made some kind of correlation between cleaning and being grumpy.  Rarely can I recall cleaning my home when I've not been grumpy and complaining.  I don't want to be this way and I've thought about putting music on or the nature channel on to make this task more enjoyable which hopefully would make me less grumpy.  Again, this is one of the changes I'm trying to incorporate into my life now.  I think I have to realize that I won't get the help that I've always wanted from my children and I have to "suck it up" and just get on with doing it myself.  I think the grumpiness comes in when I'm trying to cram and stuff all the chores into the few hours of down time I have in my week.  I probably resent the intrusion of these tasks into my "me" time.  I work well with an agenda and scheduling tasks so perhaps the solution to my "me" time and cleaning time is to schedule in "me" time every day in my agenda and schedule the cleaning time into the calendar every week.  I'll try this and see if it helps.

I was randomly looking at some of the earlier posts in my blog last week.  I couldn't continue to read them because it brought back the physical memories of the trials.  I had the same kind of physical response as I did when my husband showed me consecutive pictures of myself as the treatments progressed.  For the time being, I'll have to just put all that away and sometime in the future I'll look at it.

So today, I'm having a quiet day.  It is raining and overcast which lends itself to sitting quietly and listening to the rain hit the leaves like a gentle, soothing lullaby.  This is a good day to tend the soul and enjoy living.

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