Day 3 Second Chemo Round - Managing Side Effects

Going through the various chemo rounds is a learning process on what to expect and how to manage the side effects. I guess I can also say that I remember some side effects from 5 years ago, such as losing my hair. I continue to lose a lot of hair each day. I've been blessed with very thick hair so it isn't looking patchy yet. I just look like my hair has been thinned by the hair dresser. It is a bit of a downer to have to shake out my pillowcase each morning.

I learned from my first chemo round how to deal with this nausea which is more severe than I had 5 years ago. Today, I've managed to keep it under control by using the prochlorperazine (supplemental anti-nausea meds). I have also learned that I need to keep my hydration up which is a challenge when you fall asleep for 2 hours which equals about 4 glasses of liquid that needs to be made up later. I also learned from the first round of chemo how to get the 10 Dexamethasone pills down each morning. Today, I used my Activia Yogurt Vanilla flavour to get the pills down. I put a small amount of yogurt on the tip of the teaspoon and stuck 2 pills into it then topped it up with more yogurt. They slipped down without dissolving and I enjoyed my yogurt. The yogurt also helps balance out my stomach with all the fast growing stomach cells being killed off by the chemo.

Today, I think I managed my side effects well. I'm also making sure that I'm eating the foods that will hopefully help to keep my white blood cell counts up along with the protein to keep my red blood cell counts and platelets up. I will also continue to include ingredients in my diet that will help to battle thrush. For the foreseeable future, everything that I eat and drink will have no "empty" reasons. They will be foods that will help boost my system. Here's hoping it will work.

Today, I had a small amount of time where my brain was struggling to make sense of things. Part of this is the side effect of the Dexamethasone that makes my act like I've had a large dose of caffeine. I did find that when I went for my nap this afternoon, my brain was a little more clear afterwards.

So in the scheme of things, today was an OK day. Here's hoping that I can keep from sinking into the dark pit in the next two to three days.

Day 2 Second Chemo Round - The Mental Game

I forgot to mention that my hair has started to fall out. I noticed it on Monday night (Day 21) when I saw hair all over the shoulders of my sweater. Then yesterday morning there was enough hair on my pillow case in the morning that I had to go to the back door and shake it outside in order to clear it off my pillow case. Again, yesterday morning when I went to comb my hair there was a lot of hair in the comb. I experimented with taking a bunch hair in my fingers and pulling. Yup it all came out in a big tuft. Then this morning as I was getting dressed, I saw my pillow case was full of hair again. Again, I shook it outside the back door. When I washed my hair this morning, there was a lot of hair came out again. By tonight, you can see where my hair has really thinned out and you can see the scalp at the top of my head. My head coverings will be used once my hair is unattractive. At the moment, I can still live with it because I'm tall and not many people can see the scalp at the top of my head. And isn't it ironic, that as I sat in my chemo chair today, a lady walked by and then turned back and commented how she loved the colour of my hair.

The mental part of the game has begun. I am OK with losing my hair as it will grow back later on. And I have some very nice head coverings that I'm actually looking forward to wearing. This makes the difference. Five years ago when I lost my hair, I was not comfortable using scarves as I'm not handy folding them and making them look nice. It was the middle of the winter and I was happy to wear my favourite toques and then when the weather warmed up, I had a favourite pink ball cap with a horse on it that said "Life is Good" that I enjoyed wearing. In fact, I wore that cap on Monday to keep the top of my head from being in the sun.

Today, I had my Day 2 chemo input. First, I had to take an Ondansetron pill to counteract the nausea. Then I had my Dexamethasone put into me through the IV. Next came the Gemcitabine and finally the Cysplatin. I was in the same chemo chair as yesterday and overlooked Lake Ontario. I was there from 9:15 a.m. until 3:30 p.m. It was a long and tiring day but made pleasant by some visits by friends who are volunteers. The nurses in the chemo lab are fantastic individuals. They are often short-handed and overworked but always have a smile and are pleasant to be with.

After my chemo was done, hubby and I went to my optometrist to pick up some new glasses for me that I ordered last week. My frames had broken just before I started chemo at the beginning. So I ordered a pair of regular prescription glasses and also a pair of prescription sunglasses. I've never had prescription sunglasses before so this is a treat.

After we got home and relaxed for a bit, hubby wanted to treat me to a dinner out before the darkness of nausea and side effects kicks in the next 4 to 5 days. So we went off to our favourite Afghani restaurant, "The Limestone Kebab House" where hubby was able to get a full meal and I had the soup and veggie wrap. It was enough to fill me up but still light enough it wasn't sitting in my stomach and uncomfortable. I've continued to drink plenty of fluids to flush the chemo out of my system.

I'm getting weary and will be heading to bed soon. I've taken my last Ondansetron to control the nausea that will inevitably occur tonight. I also have more prochlorperazine if I need to take it in the night. The Ondansetron should last 6 to 8 hours though. Enough to give me good night's sleep, I hope.  Again, this now a mental game and I have to gird my mental strength, using my unfailing faith in God through prayer and envisioning Jesus walking beside me and God holding me in the palm of his hands. The love, prayers, good thoughts and positive vibes of friends and family really helps to get me through the dark times. So a heartfelt thank you to all of you who are supporting me emotionally and mentally from near and far.

Day 1 Second Chemo Round - Blood Levels Rose

Since Wednesday, August 30, I have been very concerned about whether my white blood cell count was going to be high enough for my chemotherapy to begin today. I found out Thursday, August 31, that my white blood cell count was 0.70 and it needed to be at 1.5 for the chemo to continue today. My sister's visit, along with the visit from my son this past weekend, helped me to be less obsessed about today but the worry was always there in the back of my mind. I did not sleep well last night as I worried about blood cell counts. I did not want this chemo round to be delayed. If I have to do this awful therapy, then let's bring it on without any delays.

My chemotherapy was scheduled to begin at 8:30 a.m. I have a picc line to have my blood taken to be tested but the picc line blood lab doesn't open until 8:30 a.m. so I had to be at the regular Blood Room at 7:45 a.m. when they open. This is what I was told on Wednesday at my doctor's appointment. I arrived by 7:30 a.m. and there were already 4 people ahead of me. Apparently the Blood Room actually opens at 7:30 a.m. Once the blood is taken, it takes 45 minutes to 1 hour to get the results back. The other concern for my chemo today is that I reacted to the Rituximab last time with hives. The possibility of reacting again was high. I was somewhat anxious today about the whole blood level and chemo reaction components of my day.

After having my blood taken, I had to go to the chemotherapy lab and let the receptionist know that I was there. I had a book with me to fill the waiting time and all the hours that I was expecting to be in the chemotherapy chair. While I read my book and was enthralled with it, I vaguely heard my name called just after 9:00 a.m.  I looked up and there was the nurse I had on August 14 which was my first day of the last round. She is a wonderful nurse in that she's very caring and attentive. She led me to my chemo chair and I lucked out. The chair faces the window view of Lake Ontario. I find this a very calming view even when the lake looks gun-metal gray like it did today. The nurse took my temperature to make sure I wasn't fevered. She also checked my blood pressure and heart rate. All were optimally normal. Then we waited for the blood results to come in. Finally my nurse came by to say the white blood cell level was 1.4 and the doctor had given her permission to start my chemotherapy. Woo Hoo!  Who would have thought that I would be happy to get my chemo.

I had to take 2 Benadryl pills and 2 Tylenol pills before the Rituximab could be started. They went down well with my Raspberry Iced Tea that I had brought with me. Then the Rituximab started. The nurse started it off slowly just in case my hives returned. I did not react and she was able to adjust the drip to go in quicker. While the chemo was going in, I read my book. What a surprise when I looked up to see my manager from The Tuck Shop and another employee that I have worked with, standing in front of me! We had a quick visit before they had to move along. I was expecting to be in the chemo lab until 2:30 p.m. but in reality, I was discharged by 12:30 because everything went smoothly with no problems.

Before leaving the hospital, we had to go to the pharmacy in the hospital to pick up some prescriptions for the Dexamethasone pills, Ondansetron pill (anti-nausea) and more prochlorperazine pills (anti-nausea). While hubby went to get my meds, I took that opportunity to drop into the Gift Shop and see some of the volunteers and employees that I have worked with in my job there.  Then we went to The Tuck Shop to buy me a case of Raspberry Iced Tea so again, I took the opportunity to see my volunteers that I worked with regularly as well as my manager who was there. I do enjoy running into hospital employees that I know and recognize. It is a like a reward for going through the chemo.

This afternoon, I relaxed and read my current book, "Fly Away" by Kristen Hannah. This is a sequel to "Firefly Lane" which I really enjoyed. One of the side effects of Rituximab and the Benadryl is sleepiness. So I did indulge in a nap this afternoon. I enjoyed a full dinner tonight although I'm still eating smaller portions. Tonight's dinner was boneless pork loin chops with a mango salsa, side veggies of broccoli, apples and cranberries. This was thanks to a dear friend who dropped off some frozen dinners a few weeks ago. We also added corn on the cob.

Tonight, I'm weary and will head to bed around 9:00 p.m. in preparation for the next chemo session tomorrow at 9:30 a.m.  I will enjoy my evening watching the Toronto Blue Jays play in Boston against the Boston Red Sox. I'm hoping my daughter will call me tonight as well.

Day 21 (again) - Labour Day Holiday & My Sister's Visit

Because this was the Labour Day holiday in Canada, my treatment was postponed until tomorrow as the statutory holiday affected my chemo cycle. So tomorrow morning at 7:45, I will have blood taken to be tested and see if my blood levels are acceptable to continue with the chemo. If so, I will have my Day 1 2nd Chemo Round tomorrow.

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, it was warm but very windy and I was able to sit out under our apple tree at our bistro table. I enjoyed multiple cups of tea, some grapes and my husband's company. I also got to visit with our neighbours who reminded me that they all care very much and are pulling for me. Hubby was very thoughtful and made me a sandwich for lunch which we enjoyed outdoors. While I was sitting with my hubby, my sister texted to say they were almost at our place to visit for the afternoon. Hubby let them know to just walk in and come into the back yard as that's where we are. Of course, we forgot that our front door was still locked from overnight. Once we remembered that, my son went into the house to let my sister in just as my brother-in-law came through the gate and around the side of the house to let us know that our door was locked.

We all had a good laugh and then moved additional chairs under the apple tree so that I could continue to be outside and in the shade. Due to the chemo, I am not allowed to be in direct sunlight. It will cause a major rash and sunburn if I am in the sun. What a great afternoon we had. Again, we had lots of laughter and the afternoon went by much too quickly. Then it was time for them to head back to their campsite so they could enjoy dinner and a campfire. The weather was terrific but as the afternoon wore on, clouds started to move in.

By 6:30 p.m., we had a thunder storm system moving in that is supposed to last overnight. We received a text from my sister indicating they had packed up and left the campground to head to a hotel for the night. We offered up our guest bed but understood when they said they had already hit the highway and were making the first part of the trek home. What a lousy weekend for camping for them. Saturday was nice until about 1:30 Sunday morning and then it rained all day and then off and on throughout Sunday night overnight. Today, in the best part of the day, they were with us in our back yard. They really didn't have a great weekend to enjoy their tent. I feel for them. However, I really, really appreciate that they drove a great distance to come and visit me. I felt their love throughout our visit with them.

My sister's visit helped me get through the nerves of waiting for tomorrow to come. I had a very enjoyable day and my hope is that my blood levels will be acceptable to continue with the chemo tomorrow. Tonight, I did notice that my hair is falling out. If I want to, I can pull tufts of hair out of my head. When I mentioned it to hubby, his face was very expressive and it bothered him. When I asked him about it, he mentioned that it just brings the reality of it all more clearly to him. I reminded him that I have some lovely head coverings that I am more than happy to wear once the hair is gone.

Let's hope Day 1, 2nd Chemo Round take place tomorrow.

Day 21 First Chemo Round - My Sister's Visit

If there is a silver lining to this disease, it is that my sister and brother-in-law made the long, long trip from their home to my area of the province. I was so excited to see them today that every time I heard a noise outside, I was looking out the window or asking my hubby or son "Is that them in the driveway?". I think I was becoming annoying in my impatience and excitement to see my baby sister.

Finally, I truly did hear car doors shutting and there she was! I've spent the whole afternoon visiting, laughing, lamenting and laughing again. We've enjoyed a wonderful steak dinner with all the fixings. I've enjoyed doing some of the cooking while visiting with my sister. I've been able to talk to her about my down days where I question whether the chemo is worth doing. That quality of life is just as important as quantity of life. Then deciding that I need to stay the course of treatment. We discussed whether marijuana would be an option for controlling nausea. We discussed whether I could smoke it and I don't think I could. Could I ingest it? Maybe. Could I take it in pill form? I don't know....I'm already tired of taking pills. So maybe marijuana cookies? I don't know. For now I'm willing to do the regular treatments that are being prescribed.

My sister brought a box full of envelopes of various sizes. She said it was a family project and my nieces and nephew helped her with it. Each envelope has a sentence saying "Open when you feel/need ................."  I'll keep this box close to where I sit in my living room. If there's a day that I need to laugh, I'll open the envelope that says "Open when you need to laugh." I am very touched by the love and care that have gone into creating this box.

My bond with my sister runs deep. She is adopted and I remember when she was little. Affectionately, I called her my "Chubby Chicken". We have a deep and lasting bond that has survived the many years that we have lived in cities so far apart, we rarely see each other. But we have supported each other over the years through phone calls and through electronic communications. We've visited each other whenever our holidays and family commitments have allowed us to do so. Today was a very special gift of time. My sister and brother-in-law stayed and we enjoyed a social time after dinner while we did Scotch tastings from hubby's collection of Scotch. I tried one sip and my tongue immediately let me know that Scotch is currently off the list of foods/drinks that I can enjoy. My tongue was stinging until I used the mouth rinse that I use 4 times a day (water,baking soda and salt) to rinse and spit. I continued to enjoy our time around the Scotch table because there were stories to enjoy together. I also liked seeing the reactions of our son, my sister and brother-in-law.

The evening came to a close too soon but I also recognized that I was tiring quickly. My sister and brother-in-law are camping north of the city. Hopefully we will get together again tomorrow before they leave early on Tuesday. Today was a real gift and blessing.

Day 20 First Chemo Round - Getting ready for my Sister

My son came home last night and I'm so happy to see him. I awoke early this morning and we were planning to have BBQ spareribs for dinner tonight. I made my homemade Bourbon Moonshine BBQ Sauce to go on the ribs first thing this morning. That means that I got all the flavours to blend together all day today. After the BBQ sauce was made, I did 2 loads of laundry and got it hung on the line. Then I made the sweet potatoes casserole for dinner tonight. They will hopefully help raise my white blood cell counts. The next thing on my 'To Do" list was to make muffins so that I have some for my 2 chemo days that are coming up on Tuesday and Wednesday. I wanted to make blueberry muffins and some bran muffins. I got the blueberry muffin batter made and I got hit by a wave of tiredness. It was all I could do to finish baking the blueberry muffins. Of course I had to try one and was it ever delicious. They were nice and moist and it could be because I used frozen blueberries.

While I was busy in the kitchen this morning, my hubby went out with my son and did the groceries for our steak dinner we're going to make for my sister and brother-in-law. I'm so excited that they are coming to visit this weekend!! They will be camping about 50 minutes north of where we live. I can't wait to see them when they arrive at our home tomorrow afternoon. Anyway, when hubby got home from doing the groceries, he took one look at me and said "You've done too much." I agreed so he stepped up and made the bran muffins for me. He also took over making the spareribs on the BBQ and the baked potatoes. All I had to do this afternoon was make the salad for dinner and reheat the sweet potato casserole.

Getting ready to take tomorrow off and spend it relaxing with my sister, meant that all our chores needed to be done today. So while hubby made my bran muffins for me, my son went out and cut the lawn for us. It was so nice to have everyone pitch in. I know I expended too much energy in the morning and I have been dragging for the rest of the day. But I was happy to be able to contribute and "pull my weight" around the house and help get things ready for tomorrow as well as for the chemo days coming up.

I was pleased to finish the thrush medication tonight. I really don't like taking the Nystatin as it bothers my stomach a little bit. I just want to be able to enjoy some food without the tender tummy that wants to roll. Today and over the weekend, I'm still trying to keep myself really well hydrated so that I'm not dehydrated when I go for my chemo on Tuesday morning.

So I've had a busy day and am tired because of it. I'm glad I was well enough to be "busy" and help get things ready for tomorrow and next week. Now this tired puppy is off to bed. Hopefully I will continue to feel well tomorrow and enjoy the visit with my sister fully. I don't see her very often so when I do see her, I get very excited.

Day 19 First Chemo Round - A Better Day

I awoke this morning and I finally have shaken the little funk that I've been in the last few days. I was looking forward to getting together with a couple of friends to make some music this morning. I used to meet weekly with these friends and I haven't been able to on a regular basis since April. What a lift it was today!! We shared some much needed laughter and silliness as well as some beautiful high quality music making. Although I was tiring, I had such a great time. It felt really good to laugh and smile again. I think I will take up their offer to get together whenever I'm feeling up to it and make some music, enjoy some friendship and inevitably much laughter. This was so refreshing! I had forgotten how to laugh for a few days.

I was going to rest once I got home from singing, but we needed to go shopping for a vacuum. On Wednesday, hubby decided to do some vacuuming and we could smell that the motor was on its way to burning out. The bag had just been changed and the filter didn't need to be changed. So off we went to buy a Dyson. We've always bought a Kenmore cannister vacuum but have been unhappy with them. So we found a Dyson vacuum that meets our needs and bought it. Then it was time to head home and get some lunch so that I could take my Nystatin on time. I believe tomorrow will be my last day for taking that medicine. Thank goodness!

Anyway, we had a quick lunch, I took my Nystatin and then off to the funeral home for the appointment we had made for today. I was very comfortable with the gentleman we met with and he answered some questions for me with lots of details. Now hubby and I just have to do some thinking over the next several days and make some decisions. I still have some other details to finish working on. I just have to remember to take some breaks, enjoy my current life and see the joy and humour that is in our world in general.

After the funeral home appointment, I had to go to the CBI Clinic (CCAC) to have my picc line cleaned and re-wrapped. It didn't take long. Now I am on a weekly schedule for picc line cleaning on Fridays.  I rested at home afterwards because I was feeling weary after all the busyness of the day.  Hubby and I did go out to our Friday night restaurant for dinner and even had room for a Reid's Dairy ice cream cone afterwards on the way home.  As we came up the street to our home, I saw our son's car in the driveway. He came home for the long weekend. My heart did a little jump at the sight of his car. I'm so happy to see him!! I'm also happily looking forward to my sister and brother-in-law coming to visit on Sunday and Monday. It's time to enjoy the remaining good days of this cycle before I head to chemo again on Tuesday.

Today, I was blessed with the love, friendship and laughter of family and friends. What a lift it gave me!! God does answer prayer as I was needing His help to get me out of the place I had got stuck. It's been a great day!!