Day 7 - 3rd Chemo Cycle

After my emotional upset yesterday, it wasn't surprising that I didn't sleep well at all last night.  The residual effect continued with me today which kept me from being able to make up for the lost sleep.  So I'm obviously tired tonight due to a true lack of sleep as well as the emotional downturn of being off of the prednisone.  The second day after taking the last pills always seems to be worse.  I also think some of the depression is residual from yesterday's fiasco as well.  Oh well, that's in the past now and we hopefully look forward to a better day tomorrow.

I was still chilled today.  That could be because I'm overtired.  I am continually amazed by the cards that keep arriving in the mail.  I received two cards today and they helped to lift my spirits along with two encouraging emails.  One family from church delivered a nourishing meal which my family enjoyed.  My tastebuds are still slightly off but I'm managing to eat a small portion of the dinners so far.  The meals that have been delivered certainly smell good and they tempt me to eat.  Soon the food will taste normal again.

Day 6 - 3rd Chemo Cycle

I slept a little better last night and then slept in this morning.  I've been so tired and weak today.  I was also chilled throughout the day.  I know this is due to coming off of the prednisone yesterday but it doesn't make it any easier.  This is another day to put in God's hands in more ways than one.

I'm not only struggling to fight and survive this cancer but at the same time I'm struggling to be a mother to a hormonal teenage daughter.  Today was not a good day in both the cancer arena and the parenting arena.  I'm at the end of my rope tonight.  I struggle to deal with the real drama of lymphoma and then also the drama of teenage angst.  This all becomes a vortex of emotions and the tension in the house becomes unbearable.  It affects each member of the family.  Raw emotions from each member does not make for a peaceful, healing environment.

I try to ignore the more hurtful comments such as "you're so selfish".   It is hard especially when the comment is made after a request for help because I'm feeling too weak and ill to handle a task.  I'm very disappointed.  It is hard for me to focus just on myself and be selfish.  It is equally hard to ask for help when I've always tried to be self-sufficient.  To finally ask for some help and then be ignored or be disrespected is very difficult to accept.  As a result, I had a melt down and then felt guilt for losing control.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day in the parenting arena.

This truly was a day of "going through the wringer". This phrase always reminds me of watching my grandmother put her wash through the wringer in her wringer washer when I was quite young. One piece of laundry would be put between two rollers and slowly fed through. I used to watch the water get wrung out of the cloth as it was pressed and rolled between the two rollers. "Pressed and rolled out" is exactly how I feel tonight.

On a brighter note, the adrenaline gave me energy to do some knitting and warmed me up.  I also had a friend give me a beautiful bracelet which has been blessed with healing properties.  Another friend dropped off a care package of cookies and loaves.  Ladies from my church are helping us out this week by making us dinner during my most difficult days.  Dinner was delivered and I was able to have a hot supper ready for Scott when he came home tonight. 

So I guess even in my worst days physically and emotionally, God provides some well needed positives as well.

Day 5 - 3rd Chemo Cycle

I didn't sleep well last night at all.  The Senokot is causing my tummy to gurgle and be uncomfortable during the night.  But on the other hand I've been a little more regular this cycle.  I also think there may be a correlation to my going to the chiropractor for some adjustments.  Speaking of which, I dragged myself out to an appointment today.  My chiropractor looked in his files back to May/June 2011 and found out that my neck started to not adjust very well in June 2011.  I remember having a really bad cold/flu at the end of April or beginning of May.  I suspect that this is when the lymphoma first appeared although there was not any symptoms other than my neck not adjusting like it always did.  The lump didn't show up until November 2011.

Today my colour was very pale.  I've lost weight again.  I was very tired today.  Just having a shower and going up and down the stairs twice wiped me out for the rest of the day.  A friend of mine brought by a lasagna and some dessert.  My daughter made me a caesar salad to go with it.  The lasagna and salad managed to tempt my appetite but then I was too full for the dessert of strawberries.  Maybe I'll get some strawberries a little later.

Yesterday I noticed I was a little dehydrated.  I've been trying to drink water throughout the day but today I noticed that the taste of water is not appealing to me anymore.  So I'm switching back to my green ginger tea.  Hopefully that will help keep me hydrated.

Today I did a little bit of reading, some knitting and watching TV.  I'm hoping to watch some of the Daytona 500 tonight on TV.

Tomorrow is my first day after finishing the prednisone.  The last 2 chemo cycles show that tomorrow and Wednesday will be more difficult days again.  I need to remember "one breath at a time, one moment at a time, one step at a time" and trust that I will be taken care of.

Day 4 - 3rd Chemo Cycle

I didn't sleep well last night.  I was feeling slightly ill (upset tummy) but didn't actually get sick.  Just ill enough to keep me from sleeping.  I finished the anti-nausea medication this morning at 10:30.  I'm trying to see if I can manage without the supplemental anti-nausea medication because this contributes to the constipation issue later in the week.  Today I managed to avoid the use of it.  I felt like eating more today than yesterday.

I'm running into memory issues as another side effect of the chemo.  I couldn't remember if I took my Senokot (natural laxative) last night or not.  I'm still not sure.  Scott is going to have to monitor my medication intake or I'm going to have to make sure I make a note of when I take it.  I'm also finding that I'm rambling and a little disjointed in my though processing today.  Bear with me as you read the blog.

Today I was looking forward to watching the Daytona 500.  As a child, I would watch this every year with my Dad and my brother.  I still try to watch it every year even though no one else in my househould now likes to watch it.  I was disappointed that it was delayed due to rain.  It will run tomorrow instead.  So I watched the Scotties Tournament of Hearts (women's curling) and then around 2 p.m. I felt ill again and went and had a nap.  I'm finding that if I don't let myself get too tired, it helps with how I feel.

I didn't have the mental energy to read or knit today.  The television has been on, but I'm not even very focused on it today either.  I did write an article this morning while I felt my best (at least so far today).  My voice  is quite hoarse today.  I'm afraid that it may not return to where it once was.  I used to sing so well.  I know that my voice may be the price I pay for living.  I'm still struggling with this possibility.

Scott made some Shepherd's Pie which smelled really good as it was cooking.  This is always a good sign when the smell of food is appetizing.  He also made a caesar salad and some sauteed mushrooms as sides.  I managed to eat a little bit of everything.  It tasted good.  Let's hope it sits well this evening.  The good news is my appetite seems to be returning.  I would rate this day as not a good day but not as bad as yesterday.

Day 3 - 3rd Chemo Cycle

I was too optimistic yesterday.  Today I feel terrible.  I'm very pale and I look ill today.  I'm not hungry at all.  I literally choked down some toast this morning to take my prednisone.  The Senokot is working but again has left me very weak.  I forced down some crackers at lunch time.  I'm trying to drink water so I don't get dehydrated.  I'm dizzy and weak.  I'm glad that my kids have activities away from the house for the full day so they don't see me this way and get scared.  My cat is attached to me today.  When I'm in bed because I'm too weak to be up, he's laying on the bed at my feet.  When I sit in the living room to drink water or eat crackers, he's on my lap or on the couch beside me.  He knows something is not right today.

I'm in God's hands today.  I'm feeling too weak to do much else.

Day 2 - 3rd Chemo Cycle

With the help of the Ondansetron (anti-nausea medication), I'm not feeling very ill today.  I am tired and did have a nap this afternoon.  I find that if I get enough sleep then I don't feel as ill.  I've only needed to supplement the Ondansetron once since I've been home.  This is good.  My appetite has already decreased and I'm having to force myself to eat regularly.  I've been drinking lots of water today as it helps to flush my body of the R-CHOP that was injected into me yesterday.  If you wonder what R-CHOP is refer to my posts from the first chemotherapy treatment where the acronym is explained.

I didn't sleep very well last night.  My body was tired, but my mind was zipping from one thought to another in a rather manic way.  This is a side effect of the prednisone which I'm on until Monday.  The chemo is already starting to bind me up even though I've been on stool softeners and Senokot (a natural laxative) since the night before my chemo treatment.  I'm praying I can get through this until Monday when I'll see my chiropractor in an effort to keep my body balanced and regular.

I am so thankful to God and my friends because the prayers and positive thoughts are being answered so far this time around.  I definitely have handled today better than I did in the second cycle of chemo three weeks ago.

I'll have some turkey soup with chickpeas (to give me fibre) for supper and I'll continue to take it easy tonight.  Overall, today was a good day compared to how it could have been.

Day 1 - Third Chemo Cycle "Half way mark"

I had my third chemo treatment today.  Again everyone I met said how well I'm looking.  I felt really well physically today going into the treatment.  I was a little anxious and afraid of the side effects.  My treatment started at 9:45 a.m. and I was finished by 2 p.m.

While I was there, I ran into a friend whose mother was also having a chemo treatment.  I helped pass the time with a visit.  I was ordered to go for a walk in order to raise my heart rate which is always on the low side so I walked over to my friend with my intravenous pole and stood and visited for a little bit.  When I got back to my chair, my rate had raised about 5 beats per minute so my nurse felt better again.  My nurse and her replacement (during the lunch break) commented about how I'm so positive.  To be honest, the nurses at the chemo centre are easy to be positive around.  They are so friendly, happy and upbeat.  It really takes a special kind of person to work in the cancer clinic and I'm so glad that they make it much easier for us to be our happy selves.

I've been back home for a few hours and I feel tired.  I'm going to eat some turkey soup for supper and then lay down for the evening.  So I'm not too afraid (I'm such a wimp) of the next week, I'm going to keep reminding myself that I'm half way through the whole chemo process.  Just 3 more to go.  HALFWAY!!!!  I'm praying that ALL the side effects will be controlled better throughout this cycle.