Today finally arrived! I've been looking forward to this day for the last week or so. My aunt, uncle, cousin and her fiance were coming to visit today! They arrived around mid-afternoon. They arrived bearing gifts. They brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flower, a fruit tray, a vegetable tray, a plate of cookies and an apple pie. We had a wonderful visit and the afternoon flew by. Before we knew it, it was time to go out for our dinner reservation at Fasooli's Bar and Grill.
We shared laughs, great food and fellowship. It was a wonderful time. After our dinner, we went for a drive to my favourite little parking area across from the airport where you can look over Lake Ontario from your car. It wasn't too cool, so we climbed out of our cars and stood and looked over the water which was reflecting the calm sunset. The water was so calm and still like a mirror. Beautiful is an understatement. As we were getting cool, we climbed back in our cars and headed home to our house. The visiting continued as we all chatted and laughed in front of the big screen television. Throughout all the visiting, my aunt and uncle were concerned about tiring me out. I'm so glad this is in my best time and I have energy. I really do like how I physically feel at this point. I can eat, drink a glass of wine, visit and feel "normal". Tomorrow we will meet up with my relatives again and spend some time with them before they head back home. It will create more warm, fun-filled memories to help me through the next treatment on Thursday.
I knew I was looking forward to their visit today. From about noon onwards, every time I heard a car door close, I was looking out the window hoping they had arrived. I was knitting fairly quickly to help keep me busy and help the time pass by while I waited for my relatives to arrive. This was an excellent day and I expect tomorrow will be the same. I am so blessed!!!
Saturday, 31 March 2012
Friday, 30 March 2012
Day 16 - 4th Chemo Cycle
I've had a good day today but I'm getting tired of being in the house. I can't really complain though because I've had visitors drop by throughout the week and it helps to break the boredom. I'm still tired in the mornings and really don't have energy to "do" stuff until the afternoon.
This morning I spent my morning watching "Hereafter" with Matt Damon. I wanted to watch it in the theatre when it came out in 2010 but somehow didn't get around to it. I enjoyed the movie this morning while I knitted at the same time.
This afternoon I had energy and it was sunny outside so I went out and pruned my grape vines for 45 minutes until I got tired. It felt good to be outside and in the fresh air. When I came indoors, I was still restless but tired so I played some of my favourite Easter melodies on the piano. How I wish I could have sung them too, but I behaved and just played them on the piano. It was great fun and it has been many, many years since I've played some of these songs. By the end of it all, I felt peaceful and calm within. The restlessness was gone.
It was a nice treat to have a glass of red wine with my supper tonight. After supper, my husband and I went for a walk around the block. We decided to come home when it started to snow on us. I was pleased that I had my touque on my head. It kept me nice and warm.
I've been looking forward to tomorrow all week long. My aunt and uncle along with my cousin and her fiance are coming for a visit! We always have a great time when we get together and I'm looking forward to some great laughs. I haven't seen them since November. So in anticipation, I'll probably go to bed early tonight so that I have lots of energy for tomorrow. Too bad it isn't going to be as warm outside as it was a couple of weeks ago. I had hoped we could all visit on the patio. Oh well, we'll still have a great visit indoors.
This morning I spent my morning watching "Hereafter" with Matt Damon. I wanted to watch it in the theatre when it came out in 2010 but somehow didn't get around to it. I enjoyed the movie this morning while I knitted at the same time.
This afternoon I had energy and it was sunny outside so I went out and pruned my grape vines for 45 minutes until I got tired. It felt good to be outside and in the fresh air. When I came indoors, I was still restless but tired so I played some of my favourite Easter melodies on the piano. How I wish I could have sung them too, but I behaved and just played them on the piano. It was great fun and it has been many, many years since I've played some of these songs. By the end of it all, I felt peaceful and calm within. The restlessness was gone.
It was a nice treat to have a glass of red wine with my supper tonight. After supper, my husband and I went for a walk around the block. We decided to come home when it started to snow on us. I was pleased that I had my touque on my head. It kept me nice and warm.
I've been looking forward to tomorrow all week long. My aunt and uncle along with my cousin and her fiance are coming for a visit! We always have a great time when we get together and I'm looking forward to some great laughs. I haven't seen them since November. So in anticipation, I'll probably go to bed early tonight so that I have lots of energy for tomorrow. Too bad it isn't going to be as warm outside as it was a couple of weeks ago. I had hoped we could all visit on the patio. Oh well, we'll still have a great visit indoors.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Day 15 - 4th Chemo Cycle
I was less tired today but did find that I run out of energy fairly quickly. Just making a salad, heating up some left overs and setting the table then eating, tired me out. I had to sit for about 30 minutes before I could summon up enough energy to go out and do a couple of errands tonight.
Today, I looked ahead to the Cancer Society's Relay For Life Kingston fundraiser on June 1, 2012. I'm considering entering a team if I can get enough team members. A team needs to consist of 10 to 15 members. If I had family in Kingston, I would be able to field a team easily. However, I don't have extended family in town to ask to join me. The team members collect donations and then participate in a run/walk event that goes overnight into June 2. I'm hoping to also participate in the Survivor's Lap. I think this would be a great way to celebrate the end of my treatments and hopefully what will be the clear results of my CT scan which will be done after my last treatment. If anyone in Kingston is interested in joining my team, please contact me either personally or through the comment section of this blog.
As I started researching the Relay For Life, I noticed the Survivor's Lap. This brought me to tears. As I've mentioned the Relay For Life to some friends, they have immediately wanted to participate. This also brought tears to my eyes. I still have very strong emotions regarding my lymphoma and recovery. For the majority of the time, I seem to keep them deep inside and then "poof"....they just suddenly show up. When I say I keep them deep inside, it's not like I'm stuffing them down and not acknowledging the emotions. I do acknowledge them in my quiet moments when I'm alone.
What brings me close to tears is looking forward to being cured but also acknowledging the ways that the lymphoma has robbed me of moments with my children. Missing some of their activities or just missing moments of shopping with my daughter are snippets of time that are gone. They can not be recovered and as a result the cancer has stolen these from me. I can try to replace these stolen moments but it is not the same. However, having said all of this, I do know that I will have future times that will mean even more. Life is fleeting and I think once you've faced a major illness, you learn to appreciate the small trivial moments a little more.
Today, I looked ahead to the Cancer Society's Relay For Life Kingston fundraiser on June 1, 2012. I'm considering entering a team if I can get enough team members. A team needs to consist of 10 to 15 members. If I had family in Kingston, I would be able to field a team easily. However, I don't have extended family in town to ask to join me. The team members collect donations and then participate in a run/walk event that goes overnight into June 2. I'm hoping to also participate in the Survivor's Lap. I think this would be a great way to celebrate the end of my treatments and hopefully what will be the clear results of my CT scan which will be done after my last treatment. If anyone in Kingston is interested in joining my team, please contact me either personally or through the comment section of this blog.
As I started researching the Relay For Life, I noticed the Survivor's Lap. This brought me to tears. As I've mentioned the Relay For Life to some friends, they have immediately wanted to participate. This also brought tears to my eyes. I still have very strong emotions regarding my lymphoma and recovery. For the majority of the time, I seem to keep them deep inside and then "poof"....they just suddenly show up. When I say I keep them deep inside, it's not like I'm stuffing them down and not acknowledging the emotions. I do acknowledge them in my quiet moments when I'm alone.
What brings me close to tears is looking forward to being cured but also acknowledging the ways that the lymphoma has robbed me of moments with my children. Missing some of their activities or just missing moments of shopping with my daughter are snippets of time that are gone. They can not be recovered and as a result the cancer has stolen these from me. I can try to replace these stolen moments but it is not the same. However, having said all of this, I do know that I will have future times that will mean even more. Life is fleeting and I think once you've faced a major illness, you learn to appreciate the small trivial moments a little more.
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Day 14 - 4th Chemo Cycle
Today was a rest day because my body is tired. Unfortunately, my mind is bored. I'm tired of knitting, watching television and reading. I felt the cold too much today to try to prune my grape vines. I may have been feeling the cold because my body is tired.
I had seen a cooking program on Monday, March 26 (Day 12 - 4th Chemo Cycle) where a chocolate pecan layer cake had been made. I got the recipe and have been wanting to try and make it since Monday. I finally dragged up some energy to make it this afternoon so the kids could have some dessert. For supper, I did reheat some macaroni and cheese that friends from Avonmore had delivered a few weeks ago. Between the macaroni and cheese and a slice of very sweet cake, I'm very full tonight. I've eaten too much and now I'm even more tired as my body tries to digest a heavy supper.
Today as I read today's entry in "The Book of Awakening", it spoke to me very distinctly. It talked about "The Gift of Shedding". By shedding dead skin cells, our skin is renewed. The entry asked the reader to consider what area in their life could be shedded and make way for renewal of thoughts or actions. As I read the entry, it became very clear to me that I need to "let go" some thoughts that I hold on to regarding some very annoying neighbours. This is going to be an ongoing challenge but it will be my next area of "shedding". I didn't do a very good job of it today as my thoughts regarding these people didn't change. I do recognize that I need to change my thinking pattern because it really is like a shackle and is holding me back from totally enjoying life. If I can "shed" this dislike and the resulting thoughts, then I believe the renewed thoughts and actions will lead me to be an even happier person.
Certainly, this whole lymphoma experience has given me more time for reflection and allowed me to improve my inner self. Reflection only occurs when we make time to be still and get to know ourselves. Our society does not make it easy to be still and thoughtful. We, as a society, are always on the run from one activity to another and we tend to neglect our inner thoughts and souls. Hopefully, once I am well again, I will make changes in my life so that I have daily time for reflection and communing with my soul.
I had seen a cooking program on Monday, March 26 (Day 12 - 4th Chemo Cycle) where a chocolate pecan layer cake had been made. I got the recipe and have been wanting to try and make it since Monday. I finally dragged up some energy to make it this afternoon so the kids could have some dessert. For supper, I did reheat some macaroni and cheese that friends from Avonmore had delivered a few weeks ago. Between the macaroni and cheese and a slice of very sweet cake, I'm very full tonight. I've eaten too much and now I'm even more tired as my body tries to digest a heavy supper.
Today as I read today's entry in "The Book of Awakening", it spoke to me very distinctly. It talked about "The Gift of Shedding". By shedding dead skin cells, our skin is renewed. The entry asked the reader to consider what area in their life could be shedded and make way for renewal of thoughts or actions. As I read the entry, it became very clear to me that I need to "let go" some thoughts that I hold on to regarding some very annoying neighbours. This is going to be an ongoing challenge but it will be my next area of "shedding". I didn't do a very good job of it today as my thoughts regarding these people didn't change. I do recognize that I need to change my thinking pattern because it really is like a shackle and is holding me back from totally enjoying life. If I can "shed" this dislike and the resulting thoughts, then I believe the renewed thoughts and actions will lead me to be an even happier person.
Certainly, this whole lymphoma experience has given me more time for reflection and allowed me to improve my inner self. Reflection only occurs when we make time to be still and get to know ourselves. Our society does not make it easy to be still and thoughtful. We, as a society, are always on the run from one activity to another and we tend to neglect our inner thoughts and souls. Hopefully, once I am well again, I will make changes in my life so that I have daily time for reflection and communing with my soul.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Day 13 - 4th Chemo Cycle
Today was a really nice day. I had a lovely phone visit with a dear friend and hopefully I'll be seeing her soon. We had to end our visit as another phone call was coming in. After that phone call, another phone call came in immediately and I had a very nice visit over tea with a warm, wonderful lady from my church. On behalf of another wonderful and caring lady from church, she was delivering some lemon loaf for me and my family. Like I said, we visited over tea and we did have some of the fresh lemon loaf. What a nice complement to our visit. When our visit ended, it was time for lunch already. Where did my morning go?!!
Oh well, since I was diagnosed with my lymphoma in December, I have learned to just go with the flow and be flexible in what I plan to do based on energy levels. I'm hoping that my new found flexibility will stay with me as it really diminishes the stress I used to feel. So as I mentioned in my blog yesterday, I had hoped to prune some grape vines today. I found I was too tired this afternoon so I went for a short nap. The grape vines will always be there. They aren't going to run away.
I do find my energy levels are limited. Today was the first time since November where I have been responsible for being the family taxi and making supper at the same time. I had to pick my son up from his high school baseball practice but at the same time have supper ready for him to eat immediately so he could get out the door to his rep baseball practice. This means being organized, efficient and alert. So this morning, I had pulled out some chicken breasts so they were thawed in time. After I woke up from my nap, I started to make supper so it could cook while I picked my son up from the school. I felt very satisfied that I could be a proper mother to my children and have a nutritious supper on the table in time for my son to leave for his next activity. It is also easier now that he can drive because he could just up and leave and I didn't have to drive him. We had chicken parmesan with sides of corn and noodles with left over marinara sauce and meatballs. Thank you again for our friend that dropped off the spaghetti and meatballs/sauce on Sunday. It provided us with 2 meals. The only frustrating part is how quickly I tire. By the time I cleaned up from supper, I was tired again.
Needless to say it will be an early night again for me. I am continuing to learn to listen to my body and act according to what it dictates. My voice still goes hoarse when it's tired and if I overuse it, it gets sore. Laughing is hard on my voice but I refuse to stop laughing. Humour is a great way to relieve stress but also to handle challenging situations. So I'll continue to laugh. Life is too short!
Oh well, since I was diagnosed with my lymphoma in December, I have learned to just go with the flow and be flexible in what I plan to do based on energy levels. I'm hoping that my new found flexibility will stay with me as it really diminishes the stress I used to feel. So as I mentioned in my blog yesterday, I had hoped to prune some grape vines today. I found I was too tired this afternoon so I went for a short nap. The grape vines will always be there. They aren't going to run away.
I do find my energy levels are limited. Today was the first time since November where I have been responsible for being the family taxi and making supper at the same time. I had to pick my son up from his high school baseball practice but at the same time have supper ready for him to eat immediately so he could get out the door to his rep baseball practice. This means being organized, efficient and alert. So this morning, I had pulled out some chicken breasts so they were thawed in time. After I woke up from my nap, I started to make supper so it could cook while I picked my son up from the school. I felt very satisfied that I could be a proper mother to my children and have a nutritious supper on the table in time for my son to leave for his next activity. It is also easier now that he can drive because he could just up and leave and I didn't have to drive him. We had chicken parmesan with sides of corn and noodles with left over marinara sauce and meatballs. Thank you again for our friend that dropped off the spaghetti and meatballs/sauce on Sunday. It provided us with 2 meals. The only frustrating part is how quickly I tire. By the time I cleaned up from supper, I was tired again.
Needless to say it will be an early night again for me. I am continuing to learn to listen to my body and act according to what it dictates. My voice still goes hoarse when it's tired and if I overuse it, it gets sore. Laughing is hard on my voice but I refuse to stop laughing. Humour is a great way to relieve stress but also to handle challenging situations. So I'll continue to laugh. Life is too short!
Monday, 26 March 2012
Day 12 - 4th Chemo Cycle
I'm definitely in the good portion of this cycle now. After my full day yesterday, I wasn't sure how I would feel today. My stamina even during my good times has been much weaker since I started chemotherapy in January. So there were no plans made for today except for one phone call to a friend in PEI that I was supposed to make at 1 p.m. I ended up just relaxing and resting today by watching television. The little fear that maybe some nausea might return because I might have been overtired from yesterday was unfounded.
I didn't sleep all that well last night as we had some strong winds and something kept bumping the side of the house just by our bedroom. That noise combined with intense night sweats had me waking up throughout the night. So today I was tired as a result of my sleepless night and my travelling yesterday.
In fact, my brain didn't even remember that I was supposed to call my friend in PEI until 7 hours after the time she had been expecting my call. So I called her tonight and have had a wonderful "walk" and chat with lots of laughter. I also had another telephone visit with a friend tonight who I haven't talked with in several weeks. I always feel better after my visits with friends and family.
I have been fighting some constipation the last few days, so last night I took my lactulose. It worked I'm feeling better again tonight. If it hadn't worked, I was going to go to the chiropractor today. So I'm back to eating normal portions and that should help my body function normally.
Maybe if tomorrow is another sunny day, I'll be up to pruning a few grape vines. It all depends on how I feel.
I didn't sleep all that well last night as we had some strong winds and something kept bumping the side of the house just by our bedroom. That noise combined with intense night sweats had me waking up throughout the night. So today I was tired as a result of my sleepless night and my travelling yesterday.
In fact, my brain didn't even remember that I was supposed to call my friend in PEI until 7 hours after the time she had been expecting my call. So I called her tonight and have had a wonderful "walk" and chat with lots of laughter. I also had another telephone visit with a friend tonight who I haven't talked with in several weeks. I always feel better after my visits with friends and family.
I have been fighting some constipation the last few days, so last night I took my lactulose. It worked I'm feeling better again tonight. If it hadn't worked, I was going to go to the chiropractor today. So I'm back to eating normal portions and that should help my body function normally.
Maybe if tomorrow is another sunny day, I'll be up to pruning a few grape vines. It all depends on how I feel.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Day 11 - 4th Chemo Cycle
This was an absolutely fantastic day! Tiring but fantastic. Our former neighbours and friends lost two mothers within the last week. I managed to convince my husband that I had the energy to do a two hour drive to a wake and another two hours home. I'm so glad we did!!
As we arrived in Finch, ON, we unexpectedly met up with some old friends. We stood in line for the wake and visited. As we waited in the line up, I saw other old friends. It was heart warming. When we finally reached the family we came to visit, it was very emotional. How I wanted to be there for them last week! I couldn't because I was having my chemo done. I'm so glad we made the trip today. I just wanted to hold them and not let go. My heart breaks for my friends as they go through the heartache again so soon.
I had warned another friend that I might be making the trip. I couldn't guarantee anything because it all was depending on my energy level this morning. As requested, I called her just before we left home at noon. Didn't we see her and her husband at the funeral home. We hugged and they invited us back to the farm for a visit. The lineup at the funeral home was very long, so when we left we decided to drive past our old home. How it has changed!! Anyway, at our friends' farm, we met up and got a tour, had a visit with their parents, met two of their children, had dinner and a lovely visit. Before we knew it, it was 8:30 p.m.!! So back on the road we went and drove home.
I'm tired but I figure I can rest for the next few days if needed. Oh yeah, the constipation bug has bit me again. So I just finished my thrush medicaton and now I'm back on some more medication. However, that being said, I'm feeling fairly good and my appetite is back. Now to enjoy the next week and a half.
Today was worth tiring myself out. More warm memories were created and these will carry me through dark times in the future. Oh yes... we arrived home to find our dinner for tomorrow night dropped off at the house. Our son was the one who found it on a chair at the front door, because no one had been home. There was no note with it but we finally figured out who the good samaritan was and are very grateful.
My next "project" will be to make a list of places to visit in my "Cathy Conquers Cancer Tour". This list may take more than one year to complete.
Life is so precious and so good!!
As we arrived in Finch, ON, we unexpectedly met up with some old friends. We stood in line for the wake and visited. As we waited in the line up, I saw other old friends. It was heart warming. When we finally reached the family we came to visit, it was very emotional. How I wanted to be there for them last week! I couldn't because I was having my chemo done. I'm so glad we made the trip today. I just wanted to hold them and not let go. My heart breaks for my friends as they go through the heartache again so soon.
I had warned another friend that I might be making the trip. I couldn't guarantee anything because it all was depending on my energy level this morning. As requested, I called her just before we left home at noon. Didn't we see her and her husband at the funeral home. We hugged and they invited us back to the farm for a visit. The lineup at the funeral home was very long, so when we left we decided to drive past our old home. How it has changed!! Anyway, at our friends' farm, we met up and got a tour, had a visit with their parents, met two of their children, had dinner and a lovely visit. Before we knew it, it was 8:30 p.m.!! So back on the road we went and drove home.
I'm tired but I figure I can rest for the next few days if needed. Oh yeah, the constipation bug has bit me again. So I just finished my thrush medicaton and now I'm back on some more medication. However, that being said, I'm feeling fairly good and my appetite is back. Now to enjoy the next week and a half.
Today was worth tiring myself out. More warm memories were created and these will carry me through dark times in the future. Oh yes... we arrived home to find our dinner for tomorrow night dropped off at the house. Our son was the one who found it on a chair at the front door, because no one had been home. There was no note with it but we finally figured out who the good samaritan was and are very grateful.
My next "project" will be to make a list of places to visit in my "Cathy Conquers Cancer Tour". This list may take more than one year to complete.
Life is so precious and so good!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)