Saturday, 21 January 2012

Day 9 - First Cycle of Chemo

Well I'm into my second week and this where the red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets (clotting cells) are supposed to be at their lowest.  I felt pretty good today although I did get tired in the afternoon and went for a nap.  Who thought that I would be self-satisfied in getting 2 loads of laundry done in a day?!  I'm still not all that hungry (not like I used to be).  I'm going to start taking some milk of magnesia and maybe that will help keep me more regular so I'm not so achy in my gut.

I now understand why I'm supposed to try to be kept stress free.  When there is stress/anxiety/frustration then my gut hurts and there is more gas and less hunger. At that point, there's also more pressure in the area of my neck lymph node.   I've had a meltdown this evening which encompassed the strong emotions of anger, frustration, feeling sorry for myself and then tears.  That's fine to say we should avoid stress but unless you live in a lonely cocoon, then there will be stress as you deal with life with teenagers.  I'm supposed to be focused on getting better, but how can I focus when I'm still a mother.  I can't just cut that role out.

It's not been a good night emotionally.  And then I opened up my email and another Godcidence occurred.  Not one but two different friends felt the need to contact me tonight just to let me know they were thinking of me.  This occurred right at the time of emotions running high and when I had a moment of wondering if this chemo is all worth it.  It's amazing to me that the emails would be sent right when I needed them, although I didn't get them until later.

Hopefully I feel physically well again tomorrow.  At the moment, I feel emotionally weak.  I find it ironic that now when I'm starting to feel physically well, I'm restricted from being around people because of the low immune system.  IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!  I'M TOO YOUNG TO HAVE CANCER!!!There, that feels better.  I'm going to have a cup of green ginger tea and maybe that will help with settling my innards and emotions.

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