I'll begin today by talking about side effects. I'm continuing to lose my hair although it still looks normal but is much more thinner. The hair brush is starting to hurt my scalp when I brush my hair, so I have to be more gentle. My hair is normally so thick that this is a new experience. I've never had a hair brush be able to reach my scalp before.
I awoke during the night and got up to get a drink of water. I lost my balance in my first two steps which has started to happen more as they day went on. One of the side effects of the chemo is nerve damage that will not be permanent. It will affect my feet and my hands. Anyway, once I'm up and about I don't lose my balance anymore (at least today). However, today I was having more trouble knitting the socks and also typing. Even as I type this tonight, I'm hitting a lot more mistakes. It's as if my fingers will not listen to the signals being sent to them from my brain. My fingers are also feeling a little stiff. The doctor warned me this would happen and he even asked if I had noticed any change when he saw me on Wednesday. There was no change on Wednesday but I do notice it today.
A friend from church came by briefly this afternoon and dropped off today's bulletin from church along with a batch of chocolate chip cookies. The kids and Scott (and me too) really appreciated the cookies. They were really good and disappeared just like when I make some. By tonight there are none left. The kids really liked them.
It was a glorious sunny day today, so Scott and I went for a walk. It was nice to be outside but I was noticing the cold a little more so we came home so I wouldn't get chilled. I watched one of my favourite movies today too. It's called "The Lakehouse" and stars Sandra Bullock and Keannu Reeves. The movie is very romantic and moving. It also mentions Valentine's Day. It has left me feeling a little low because there is a heightened possibility that this could be my last Valentine's Day. Whenever I have these kind of thoughts, I normally can talk myself out of the dark thoughts with the odds that the doctor quoted me on being cured and also with the thought that anybody could be killed by a car or some kind of accident and life is not a given. Tonight, these thoughts are not helping to lift me out of the doldrums. Maybe it has to do with losing my hair and struggling with my fine motor skills. It doesn't help that the current advertising campaign for the heart and stroke foundation is "Make Death Wait".
I think I will reread some of the wonderful emails and cards that I've received from friends and family. These normally lift my spirits. Another friend gave me a bracelet with some stones that signify the things in life that I like to do. After writing this, I'm going to put on the bracelet to help lift my spirits. Another friend from far away sent me a bear to cuddle with and signifies her giving me a special hug. It's sitting beside me to help comfort me. Just writing about these blessings has already helped lift me a little. I truly believe God/Jesus will carry me through these dark times. See you tomorrow.
I like that movie too! I just try not to think about the ins and outs of the time aspect :)
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