Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Day 20 - 2nd Chemo Cycle

There's not much different today.  I'm still quite tired even though I slept in again today.  I'm wondering if my red blood cells haven't quite rejuvenated themselves after the last chemo treatment.  This might explain my fatigue.  Or I may have done too much over the weekend and am tired because of it.  Today was a quiet day.  Tomorrow I see my oncologist, Dr. Ralph Meyer, for a check up and to have my blood levels tested.  If all is deemed to be satisfactory, then I will have my third chemo treatment on Thursday.  This will mark the halfway point of my chemo treatments.

As I write this, my husband is watching "How It's Made" and they are making a funeral hearse.  This has tickled my funny bone as the introduction was that people/caskets like to ride in luxury as a sign of dignity and respect.  My warped sense of humour says "please show me that dignity and respect while I'm alive to enjoy it".  Funny what captures our attention or what we become attuned to when fighting cancer.  I'm much more aware of cancer advertisements, or programs that mention death, cancer, etc.  Since November when I became aware of cancer in my life, there seems to be quite a few ads that mention cancer, death etc.

A very good friend called me today and it lifted my spirits to visit with her over the phone.  Briefly, I wondered if I was feeling fatigued because maybe I'm a little depressed.  After thinking about it, I don't believe I am.  I am tired.  I am bored although I still fill my time with knitting, reading, doing sudoku puzzles and watching TV.  I guess maybe bored isn't the word to use.  Maybe I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a rut.  I really don't know what I'm feeling and that is what is frustrating.  I want to go for walks, but they tire me out too much.  I want to plant some seeds indoors, but I now have to wait until the third week of this next cycle so that I don't run the risk of an infection by working with the dirt.  I could use garden gloves, but I find they make me feel clumsy and affect my fine motor abilities.  Perhaps what I'm really feeling is impatience with myself as I have been forced to stop or slow down.  I do know that I feel restless.  As my good friend mentioned today, my slowing down or stopping is perhaps still more activity than I should be doing.  Hmmm...another facet to think about as I continue to adjust to living with cancer.

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