It was another quiet day today. I awoke with my stomach rolling and rumbling. It ended up being as a result of my bowels. The thrush is making its presence known. I've tried to keep ahead of it by rinsing with the water/baking soda solution but around 12 noon I had to capitulate and use the Nystatin. The thrush is only in my mouth and not down my throat yet. So I've modified using the Nystatin by using it as a swish and spit rinse. If it ends up feeling like it is in my throat, then I'll have to swish and swallow. That's what caused me to be sick last cycle.
I was very tired today. I've sat and watched television today. I watched the worlds men's curling this afternoon and as well as the Blue Jays baseball game. It was also the OHL (Ontario Hockey League) draft today so I kept checking the computer to see who was drafted.
My husband is trying to tempt my appetite with different foods so that I will want to eat. Tonight he made some boiled carrots and then returned them to the pot and mixed them with butter, lemon juice and chopped parsley. It was really good. They are supposed to be good for combatting thrush too.
I will be watching the Toronto Maple Leafs tonight. I was hoping to watch the Kitchener Rangers play in their second round of playoffs (in the Ontario Hockey League) on television tonight too, but I can't find the game on tv. Oh well, the Leafs will get my full attention. While I've watched tv, I have been knitting too.
I'm hoping that I will have the energy to sit on the patio tomorrow as it is supposed to be warm again. Maybe we'll be able to make a brief trip to my favourite parking spot near Lake Ontario tomorrow afternoon. It all depends on my energy levels and my stomach.
Saturday, 7 April 2012
Friday, 6 April 2012
Day 2 - 5th Chemo Cycle
Today was a quiet day. The prednisone interrupted my sleep last night along with having to take the anti-nausea medication at 1:30 a.m. As a result, I slept on and off throughout the morning and afternoon today.
I am trying to be aware of how I'm feeling. Am I feeling the beginnings of a rolling stomach? Is it because of nausea or is it because of bowels? Or is it because I'm tired? Do I feel the beginning of fizziness in my mouth to indicate the beginning of thrush? In order to keep ahead of being sick, I need to recognize when to take the supplemental anti-nausea medication. I'm hoping that I can avoid the awful Nystatin which caused me to be sick last cycle. That is a rinse and swallow solution. I read that thrush can be kept at bay by using 8 oz. of water mixed with 1 tsp. of baking soda as a rinse and spit solution. So as soon as I've felt the fizziness of the thrush starting, I've been rinsing and spitting with the water/baking soda. It seems to have worked so far today.
I hate the smell of chemicals that exudes from me. It seems to come from my pores and definitely after I've been in the washroom. In the last cycle, I thought I could even smell it on my clothes even after having washed them multiple times. I hope that smell will not linger in my nostrils after all the treatments are done. I hate it!!!
I found my appetite started to dwindle as today went on. I normally like caesar salad, but tonight the caesar dressing tasted too vinegary (if that's a word). I had a little bit of spaghetti and some meatballs. I liked the taste, but I was afraid of having an upset stomach if I ate very much. Again, I'm just trying to manage and avoid these side effects as much as I can.
When I wasn't sleeping today, I read a novel, did some knitting and watched some television. I also used some of my quiet time to reflect on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. This is the first Good Friday that I haven't been involved in the morning church service in a very, very long time. I missed singing in it. Certainly, I've been carrying my cross throughout the Lenten season. All I could think about today was the other friends that I have who are also carrying their own crosses (cancer) at this time. Some of these people do not have very good prognoses. I was always taught that Christ's journey to the cross and his ultimate crucifixion allowed Jesus to experience all human emotions and suffering so that we would feel comforted as we experienced our own crosses. I continue to be very blessed and fortunate to have so many friends and family supporting me in their prayers and thoughts.
I am trying to be aware of how I'm feeling. Am I feeling the beginnings of a rolling stomach? Is it because of nausea or is it because of bowels? Or is it because I'm tired? Do I feel the beginning of fizziness in my mouth to indicate the beginning of thrush? In order to keep ahead of being sick, I need to recognize when to take the supplemental anti-nausea medication. I'm hoping that I can avoid the awful Nystatin which caused me to be sick last cycle. That is a rinse and swallow solution. I read that thrush can be kept at bay by using 8 oz. of water mixed with 1 tsp. of baking soda as a rinse and spit solution. So as soon as I've felt the fizziness of the thrush starting, I've been rinsing and spitting with the water/baking soda. It seems to have worked so far today.
I hate the smell of chemicals that exudes from me. It seems to come from my pores and definitely after I've been in the washroom. In the last cycle, I thought I could even smell it on my clothes even after having washed them multiple times. I hope that smell will not linger in my nostrils after all the treatments are done. I hate it!!!
I found my appetite started to dwindle as today went on. I normally like caesar salad, but tonight the caesar dressing tasted too vinegary (if that's a word). I had a little bit of spaghetti and some meatballs. I liked the taste, but I was afraid of having an upset stomach if I ate very much. Again, I'm just trying to manage and avoid these side effects as much as I can.
When I wasn't sleeping today, I read a novel, did some knitting and watched some television. I also used some of my quiet time to reflect on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. This is the first Good Friday that I haven't been involved in the morning church service in a very, very long time. I missed singing in it. Certainly, I've been carrying my cross throughout the Lenten season. All I could think about today was the other friends that I have who are also carrying their own crosses (cancer) at this time. Some of these people do not have very good prognoses. I was always taught that Christ's journey to the cross and his ultimate crucifixion allowed Jesus to experience all human emotions and suffering so that we would feel comforted as we experienced our own crosses. I continue to be very blessed and fortunate to have so many friends and family supporting me in their prayers and thoughts.
Thursday, 5 April 2012
Day 1 - 5th Chemo Cycle
I didn't sleep well last night. Between the multiple night sweats and anxiety about today, I was up many times. My chemotherapy treatment was booked for 8:30 a.m. When I arrived, I was surprised at the amount of people in the waiting room. I have never seen that many people in the waiting room before. There were not enough chairs and many people were standing wherever there was space.
I was called in at 8:50 a.m. and was given a "window" seat. I looked out over Lake Ontario today. I've been fortunate because out of 5 treatments, I've looked out over Lake Ontario 3 times. Anyway, I found out that it was extra busy today because they are closed tomorrow for Good Friday. They will busy like that again on Tuesday as they are closed for Easter Monday. The poor nurses were run off their feet. But they kept their pleasant and humourous demeanors throughout the morning. The Easter Bunny came through with baskets of mini chocolate eggs, so she dropped two off for me to enjoy. I ate them immediately because I wasn't sure how I would feel about eating chocolate later. They were good! While I had the chemo drip into my vein, I read my current novel. There is a bell at the entrance/exit of the Chemotherapy Clinic that patients can ring at the halfway mark of their treatment and/or at the end of their treatment. I heard the bell ring three different times this morning. I don't know if people were only half way through and ringing the bell or if they were finished their whole chemo regimen and ringing the bell. Whichever, it encouraged me emotionally and I am glad that there is only one more treatment to go. The next time I'm in the Chemothereapy Clinic, I'll be ringing the bell when I walk out!!!
So far this afternoon, I've been tired and cold. I slept most of the afternoon. No nausea has shown up yet, although the stomach was gurgling when it came time for my next dose. I ate a 6 inch turkey sub for lunch. I normally like onions and green peppers among other things but I have found in the last treatment cycle that the onions and green peppers repeated on me. I don't want to give my stomach any ammunition to ambush me, so omitted those items off my sub. For supper, we had chinese food. I have always eaten everything because I never wanted to teach my children to be picky eaters and, honestly, I like most foods anyway. However, I did pick around the green peppers and onions again. My appetite was pretty good tonight.
The last few days, I was struggling with my attitude toward the chemotherapy. Then yesterday, I heard about two people that I know who do not have good survival rates. As the chemo was going into me today, all I could think was that although I don't like to do the chemo and I dont want to do the chemo, the chemo is curing me. The fifth and sixth round of chemo are used for the long-term cure. This put it all in perspective and the ultimate goal is to cure me completely. I never want to go through this again. So bring it on! I'll get through this cycle and then only one more to go.
After my treatments, I will get stronger and then we will begin the Cathy Conquers Cancer Tour! I'll blog about that later on when plans are more confirmed.
I was called in at 8:50 a.m. and was given a "window" seat. I looked out over Lake Ontario today. I've been fortunate because out of 5 treatments, I've looked out over Lake Ontario 3 times. Anyway, I found out that it was extra busy today because they are closed tomorrow for Good Friday. They will busy like that again on Tuesday as they are closed for Easter Monday. The poor nurses were run off their feet. But they kept their pleasant and humourous demeanors throughout the morning. The Easter Bunny came through with baskets of mini chocolate eggs, so she dropped two off for me to enjoy. I ate them immediately because I wasn't sure how I would feel about eating chocolate later. They were good! While I had the chemo drip into my vein, I read my current novel. There is a bell at the entrance/exit of the Chemotherapy Clinic that patients can ring at the halfway mark of their treatment and/or at the end of their treatment. I heard the bell ring three different times this morning. I don't know if people were only half way through and ringing the bell or if they were finished their whole chemo regimen and ringing the bell. Whichever, it encouraged me emotionally and I am glad that there is only one more treatment to go. The next time I'm in the Chemothereapy Clinic, I'll be ringing the bell when I walk out!!!
So far this afternoon, I've been tired and cold. I slept most of the afternoon. No nausea has shown up yet, although the stomach was gurgling when it came time for my next dose. I ate a 6 inch turkey sub for lunch. I normally like onions and green peppers among other things but I have found in the last treatment cycle that the onions and green peppers repeated on me. I don't want to give my stomach any ammunition to ambush me, so omitted those items off my sub. For supper, we had chinese food. I have always eaten everything because I never wanted to teach my children to be picky eaters and, honestly, I like most foods anyway. However, I did pick around the green peppers and onions again. My appetite was pretty good tonight.
The last few days, I was struggling with my attitude toward the chemotherapy. Then yesterday, I heard about two people that I know who do not have good survival rates. As the chemo was going into me today, all I could think was that although I don't like to do the chemo and I dont want to do the chemo, the chemo is curing me. The fifth and sixth round of chemo are used for the long-term cure. This put it all in perspective and the ultimate goal is to cure me completely. I never want to go through this again. So bring it on! I'll get through this cycle and then only one more to go.
After my treatments, I will get stronger and then we will begin the Cathy Conquers Cancer Tour! I'll blog about that later on when plans are more confirmed.
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
Day 21 - 4th Chemo Cycle
Today was a busy day in a way. I had my doctor's appointment at 12:30 but I had to be there early in order to have my blood taken and tested. The doctor was running late and I didn't get in to see him until close to 2 p.m. I'm content to wait because he spent a very long time with me at my first appointment in January and answered questions I had. He has never hurried me through appointments. I took advantage of the waiting time by reading my current book.
My blood work is looking good which is why my cheeks are still pink. My white blood cell count is just a nominal amount below normal. My doctor is very pleased with my progress. My hips started aching yesterday and continued today. When I mentioned that to my doctor, he said it is a side effect of the prednisone.
My doctor reinforced the fact that we are in the home stretch. After tomorrow, I only have one more treatment to go. I treated myself to a visit with a friend over a cup of tea after my appointment. As always, our visit went by very quickly and it was time for me to get home and make some supper.
I'm a little grumpy tonight as time marches along and tomorrow's treatment gets that much closer. It was great timing then to receive a phone call from a neighbour informing me that she is part of a prayer chain and has them praying for me. This brought me some comfort as I've continued to struggle to find peace heading into tomorrow.
Each night before a treatment, my husband tries to treat me to something out of our routine. Most often, it's been bringing our dinner in from a take out place or something. Tonight, he brought me a decaffeinated Tim Hortons coffee. The coffee is special because after tomorrow, my taste buds will not allow me to have a coffee for almost a week and a half. He got me a decaf coffee so that it won't interfere with my sleep. Although, my sleep has been interrupted every night by night sweats. Last night I was awake two times but the night before that, I had 4 night sweats throughout the night. It makes for a long night. Let's hope that tonight I have a good night's sleep so that I am well-rested when I wake up tomorrow and start my chemotherapy treatment at 8:30 a.m.
My blood work is looking good which is why my cheeks are still pink. My white blood cell count is just a nominal amount below normal. My doctor is very pleased with my progress. My hips started aching yesterday and continued today. When I mentioned that to my doctor, he said it is a side effect of the prednisone.
My doctor reinforced the fact that we are in the home stretch. After tomorrow, I only have one more treatment to go. I treated myself to a visit with a friend over a cup of tea after my appointment. As always, our visit went by very quickly and it was time for me to get home and make some supper.
I'm a little grumpy tonight as time marches along and tomorrow's treatment gets that much closer. It was great timing then to receive a phone call from a neighbour informing me that she is part of a prayer chain and has them praying for me. This brought me some comfort as I've continued to struggle to find peace heading into tomorrow.
Each night before a treatment, my husband tries to treat me to something out of our routine. Most often, it's been bringing our dinner in from a take out place or something. Tonight, he brought me a decaffeinated Tim Hortons coffee. The coffee is special because after tomorrow, my taste buds will not allow me to have a coffee for almost a week and a half. He got me a decaf coffee so that it won't interfere with my sleep. Although, my sleep has been interrupted every night by night sweats. Last night I was awake two times but the night before that, I had 4 night sweats throughout the night. It makes for a long night. Let's hope that tonight I have a good night's sleep so that I am well-rested when I wake up tomorrow and start my chemotherapy treatment at 8:30 a.m.
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Day 20 - 4th Chemo Cycle
Today was a day of gearing up for my next chemo treatment on Thursday. I visited my chiropractor in preparation for the constipation that hits right after the chemo. In the last 2 chemo cycles I have found that if I visit the chiropractor before my treatment and then a few days after the treatment, it helps to alleviate the constipation. Or at the very least, these adjustments help the constipation medications to work better and faster. I also spent some time today, quietly settling my anxiety and fear of the next round of chemo through prayer and meditation. I find it very soothing to listen to nature sounds combined with soft music. This plays in the background while I think. Once I feel more calm, I continue to listen to the soft sounds of waves, birds, wolves, thunder, rain, and music while I knit my socks. The repetitive motion of knitting is very soothing and distracting.
It was a sunny day but it was cold. However, there was enough of a wind that my towels dried on the line outside. I get pleasure watching them flap away in the wind. I always like the fresh smell from clothes that have dried outside. They say "small things amuse small minds". I must have a small mind because I've always like watching my clothes dry on the line. When the kids were babies, I used flat cloth diapers and they always looked so good lined up neatly with the clothes pins and flapping away. It's amazing that the thick towels dried on the line today as it was chilly outside. The sun is close enough to earth now that when it is combined with a breeze, the clothing on the line dries although it does take all day.
This afternoon, I enjoyed a cup of tea with a friend that I hadn't seen in a while. The visit went by too quickly. It really touched me when she brought it to my attention that my blog is reaching so many people in so many ways. I discovered that it is touching people in ways that I wasn't aware of.
After supper my husband and I went for a nice walk. It was good to go for a slow, long walk and my muscles are aching to show that they needed the exercise. I love the fresh air although I was cold when we arrived back home. I warmed up over a tasty cup of Blue Mountain coffee all the way from Jamaica.
Tomorrow I go to the doctor for a check up. I expect it to go well as I'm currently feeling well physically. Throughout this whole journey, everyone is surprised about how well I look. I still have pink cheeks. I've lost some weight but not a lot. If I hadn't lost my hair, you wouldn't know that I'm not well. I'm coming into the home stretch. After Thursday, I only have one more treatment left to go. I now have to give myself pep talks to get up for the next treatment. I'm getting tired of them. It does help to know that many, many people are helping me to carry this burden. I am very, very blessed.
It was a sunny day but it was cold. However, there was enough of a wind that my towels dried on the line outside. I get pleasure watching them flap away in the wind. I always like the fresh smell from clothes that have dried outside. They say "small things amuse small minds". I must have a small mind because I've always like watching my clothes dry on the line. When the kids were babies, I used flat cloth diapers and they always looked so good lined up neatly with the clothes pins and flapping away. It's amazing that the thick towels dried on the line today as it was chilly outside. The sun is close enough to earth now that when it is combined with a breeze, the clothing on the line dries although it does take all day.
This afternoon, I enjoyed a cup of tea with a friend that I hadn't seen in a while. The visit went by too quickly. It really touched me when she brought it to my attention that my blog is reaching so many people in so many ways. I discovered that it is touching people in ways that I wasn't aware of.
After supper my husband and I went for a nice walk. It was good to go for a slow, long walk and my muscles are aching to show that they needed the exercise. I love the fresh air although I was cold when we arrived back home. I warmed up over a tasty cup of Blue Mountain coffee all the way from Jamaica.
Tomorrow I go to the doctor for a check up. I expect it to go well as I'm currently feeling well physically. Throughout this whole journey, everyone is surprised about how well I look. I still have pink cheeks. I've lost some weight but not a lot. If I hadn't lost my hair, you wouldn't know that I'm not well. I'm coming into the home stretch. After Thursday, I only have one more treatment left to go. I now have to give myself pep talks to get up for the next treatment. I'm getting tired of them. It does help to know that many, many people are helping me to carry this burden. I am very, very blessed.
Monday, 2 April 2012
Day 19 - 4th Chemo Cycle
I had a fairly quiet day as I'm tired from my wonderful weekend. I'm also tired because I am having multiple night sweats each night. I get so hot that I drench my bedding and my pillow. There's not enough hair on my head to soak my hair but if I did have hair, I would look like I've had a shower. I can thank the chemotherapy for pushing my body into menopause. Even though I was tired today, I did hang my bedding out on the line to dry and managed to a little bit more pruning of my grape vines. It was a beautiful sunny day and warm as long as you were in the sun and sheltered from the wind.
It was 21 years ago today that my dad died from lung cancer. Other years, I remember the date and I miss him but this year I find myself struggling with stronger emotions. It could be because I'm tired today but I also think it hurt more this year because of my own battle with lymphoma. Ever since I watched my dad struggle with his lung cancer, I've hated this horrible disease. I hate it even more now that I have lymphoma.
I detest going through the chemotherapy even though I know it is curing me. I'm finding that the thought of having the chemo injected into me now makes my stomach clench and become nauseous. I'm trying to drink lots of water this week so that I am fully hydrated for Wednesday when I have blood samples taken from me and for Thursday when they put the line into my vein for the chemo. I used to like drinking cold water from the fridge. I'm finding that it tastes different now. This is probably a psychological residue from when I feel nauseous in the first week of treatment and I have to drink lots of water to flush my system. I also found in this round that the ginger green tea didn't taste as good either even now when I'm feeling more normal. I know that after Thursday I only have one more treatment left to go. I'm getting really tired of it. My oncologist warned me that I would start to feel this way during the third and fourth cycles of treatment. I'll be going in on Thursday for my 5th chemo treatment at 8:30 a.m. I've been trying not to dwell on the next treatment but it is always there in the back of my mind. As like the other cycles, I have an underlying anxiety building as the date gets closer.
However, having stated all of this, I've also been very blessed with wonderful visits with friends and family as well as the numerous emails, cards and food that have helped to lift my spirits throughout my journey to renewed health. I've been trying to play the piano a little more often and it is providing me with an opportunity to express myself through music. I hope that the next week and a half will be warm and sunny. The nicer weather seemed to help me through the rough first week in this fourth cycle.
It was 21 years ago today that my dad died from lung cancer. Other years, I remember the date and I miss him but this year I find myself struggling with stronger emotions. It could be because I'm tired today but I also think it hurt more this year because of my own battle with lymphoma. Ever since I watched my dad struggle with his lung cancer, I've hated this horrible disease. I hate it even more now that I have lymphoma.
I detest going through the chemotherapy even though I know it is curing me. I'm finding that the thought of having the chemo injected into me now makes my stomach clench and become nauseous. I'm trying to drink lots of water this week so that I am fully hydrated for Wednesday when I have blood samples taken from me and for Thursday when they put the line into my vein for the chemo. I used to like drinking cold water from the fridge. I'm finding that it tastes different now. This is probably a psychological residue from when I feel nauseous in the first week of treatment and I have to drink lots of water to flush my system. I also found in this round that the ginger green tea didn't taste as good either even now when I'm feeling more normal. I know that after Thursday I only have one more treatment left to go. I'm getting really tired of it. My oncologist warned me that I would start to feel this way during the third and fourth cycles of treatment. I'll be going in on Thursday for my 5th chemo treatment at 8:30 a.m. I've been trying not to dwell on the next treatment but it is always there in the back of my mind. As like the other cycles, I have an underlying anxiety building as the date gets closer.
However, having stated all of this, I've also been very blessed with wonderful visits with friends and family as well as the numerous emails, cards and food that have helped to lift my spirits throughout my journey to renewed health. I've been trying to play the piano a little more often and it is providing me with an opportunity to express myself through music. I hope that the next week and a half will be warm and sunny. The nicer weather seemed to help me through the rough first week in this fourth cycle.
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Day 18 - 4th Chemo Cycle
Today was another great day. My family members continued our visit with them. We met for breakfast and the men sat at a booth on their own and the women sat together in another booth just because the restaurant was so busy. What a wonderful visit we had as we ate, laughed and talked!!
Once we were finished breakfast, my uncle and I switched places in the cars. He joined my husband so he could hear the commentary of what we passed as we toured the city. I shared my commentary with my aunt, my cousin and her fiance in their car. We visited a plaque which included the name of a special uncle, James Russell Martin, that died in World War II at Arnhem. After visiting the plaque, we continued on our tour of the city and showed our relatives the house that Great-Uncle Russell lived in from 1941 to 1944 as well as other points of interest.
It was a meaningful afternoon where we shared close family ties, beautiful scenery and wonderful memories. All while we created new memories. As we were in a local arena, my uncle mentioned how proud he was when I was much younger and sang the national anthem on a regular basis at the Kitchener Rangers home games. For some reason, this touched a chord deep inside of me and I felt very special and loved.
Before we knew it, it was time for our visitors to begin their trek home. The weekend went by much too quickly. I had a great time and the memories will again help carry me through the next week or so as I start my 5th round of chemotherapy on Thursday. I'm not looking forward to it.
I'm very tired tonight but I'll be able to rest up for the next few days before I go back into the Cancer Clinic. Sometimes this blog easily writes itself and at other times, like tonight, it is a struggle to get my thoughts and feelings written out. Perhaps it is more difficult when I am tired. I do notice that I have moments of impatience with myself as well as those around me tonight. It's probably due to the fact that I am tired. Perhaps it is also a sign of the latent anxiety that simmers just under the surface as my treatment day advances. After my treatment on Thursday, I will only have one more chemotherapy treatment to go. I'm conflicted as I want this all to be over soon but at the same time, I really don't want to have to go through any more injections! I really do dread the first week when I feel weak, sick and miserable. Those are the moments when faith and the love of family and friends carry me through.
Once we were finished breakfast, my uncle and I switched places in the cars. He joined my husband so he could hear the commentary of what we passed as we toured the city. I shared my commentary with my aunt, my cousin and her fiance in their car. We visited a plaque which included the name of a special uncle, James Russell Martin, that died in World War II at Arnhem. After visiting the plaque, we continued on our tour of the city and showed our relatives the house that Great-Uncle Russell lived in from 1941 to 1944 as well as other points of interest.
It was a meaningful afternoon where we shared close family ties, beautiful scenery and wonderful memories. All while we created new memories. As we were in a local arena, my uncle mentioned how proud he was when I was much younger and sang the national anthem on a regular basis at the Kitchener Rangers home games. For some reason, this touched a chord deep inside of me and I felt very special and loved.
Before we knew it, it was time for our visitors to begin their trek home. The weekend went by much too quickly. I had a great time and the memories will again help carry me through the next week or so as I start my 5th round of chemotherapy on Thursday. I'm not looking forward to it.
I'm very tired tonight but I'll be able to rest up for the next few days before I go back into the Cancer Clinic. Sometimes this blog easily writes itself and at other times, like tonight, it is a struggle to get my thoughts and feelings written out. Perhaps it is more difficult when I am tired. I do notice that I have moments of impatience with myself as well as those around me tonight. It's probably due to the fact that I am tired. Perhaps it is also a sign of the latent anxiety that simmers just under the surface as my treatment day advances. After my treatment on Thursday, I will only have one more chemotherapy treatment to go. I'm conflicted as I want this all to be over soon but at the same time, I really don't want to have to go through any more injections! I really do dread the first week when I feel weak, sick and miserable. Those are the moments when faith and the love of family and friends carry me through.
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