Summer Lovin', Had Me a Blast

I'm taking this period of several weeks to enjoy some "long term" planning. Putting this into the perspective of my world, for the last year I have only been able to plan at most, 2 weeks in advance of anything. I have not really been able to plan months in advance. The exception to this was my son's graduation at the beginning of June and my Christmas present of Eagles tickets to the concert on July 15. For the last 3 weeks, Hubby and I have been planning our holidays. We made plans to go to the Howe Island Rockin the Rock. And I've been enjoying going for lunches and visiting friends.

This past week, I continue to grieve for a friend who passed away on July 14. She was and has been one of my best friends for about 44 years. Despite my grief, I am continuing to live life fully and enjoy my good health at the moment. So this past week, on Wednesday, I visited a friend on her deck and it became an impromptu get together with 4 other ladies as well. What a wonderful afternoon! It was warm but we managed to find shade to sit in and enjoy some discussion, chatter, cold water with lemon and lime in it and with all this the beautiful song of the house wren who has a nest nearby. I made it home in time to put together a dinner of naan bread personal pizzas. Wednesday was a great day!

Thursday, I had another vaccination to follow the protocol after my stem cell transplant. Because my vaccination last week was in my left shoulder muscle, I chose to have this one in my right shoulder muscle. Sometimes these vaccinations leave the injection site very achy and sore to touch for up to 5-7 days. I then had a long lunch and visit with a very close friend who I don't get to see often enough. We met at our favourite secluded biergarten. We enjoyed a lovely lunch, a couple of beers and wonderful conversation. For me, this is the perfect way to spend an afternoon. This secluded area is in the heart of the city. There is a parking lot directly beside the sunken patio. However, with all the green vines that cover the concrete walls, the area is cool, green and very calming. You have no idea that you are in the city. The biergarten really gives you the feel of a European oasis. Every summer, I look forward to spending time visiting with friends over either a meal or snack along with a couple of beer. Thursday was another great day except for the vaccination. I do feel like pin cushion sometimes even though my family doctor is very gentle with his injections.

Friday was spent planning out some of the vacation details and loading geocache information into my handheld GPS. I'm looking forward to getting out on the Honda Goldwing for a vacation. We often combine our travels with searching for geocaches along the way. I also took the day to do laundry to make sure there were enough clean clothes to travel with. In this past week, I've also been cleaning and tidying so that my home will be in good shape for me to leave when the time comes. Friday was also spent buying bug spray, sunscreen and some other small items that will be needed for our vacation.

Yesterday, Hubby and I took the motorcycle and joined our friends with their motorcycle on a ride to Howe Island for the afternoon. The Howe Island Rockin the Rock had their inaugural music festival yesterday from 2 p.m. until 11 p.m. We caught the first 3 acts. We had to leave early as some nasty weather looked be blowing in. Being on bikes, we did not want to be caught in any heavy wind or hail. However, we really enjoyed our time there. Our friends knew the lead singer of the first band, Sweet Pete and The Heat, which was the whole reason we went. I was surprised to arrive and know the piano player. Hubby knew the drummer. We thoroughly enjoyed their blues style music! I would go hear them play again whenever they play in the area. The second act was a gentleman who played a slower style of rock. His son came on stage for the last couple of songs. The third band to play was called Oakridge Avenue. My friend and I wondered if we would enjoy them or not. We wondered if they were an Oakridge Boys cover band although this is a "rock festival". No worries there. They definitely were NOT an Oakridge Boys cover band. It was a group of 3 guys. A lead guitar (Sean Patterson), bass guitar (Alex Amey) and drummer (Harrison Stewart-Juby). They play an alternative rock style. We really enjoyed them. It was a surprise (and I didn't recognize him) to see the bass player and realize that he used to play rep baseball with our son. I felt old but I did really enjoy the music. It was a little disappointing to have to leave early but the weather was looking threatening. We hopped on the bikes, caught the ferry back to the mainland and rode home. Unfortunately, our friends' bike had some mechanical issues along the way and had to be pushed off the ferry, get a boost and ride home asap. We followed them just in case they had more mechanical problems. We continued our great day by going to their place and enjoying burgers, caesar salad, friendship and spiked iced tea. It was a super great day!!

Today, I will be continuing to get ready for our vacation. We're watching the weather forecast closely. We'll be getting the bike ready for a nice long ride. Stay tuned!

Celebrating and Living Life Fully!

I haven't posted in a couple of weeks because I've been enjoying life to the fullest. Summer is always a good time to feel healthy. The weather is warm. The vegetable gardens are providing fresh food. People want to be outdoors. I have always enjoyed many simple pleasures in life. One of my favourite simple, mundane activities is hanging my laundry on the clothes line outside. I love the smell of my clean clothes when they come in off the line. This fresh smell can not be manufactured by dryer sheets. I love the motion of hanging the laundry first thing in the morning and watching the clothes flutter in the breeze. In the last couple of weeks, it has been so dry and warm that my clothes dry within an hour of hanging them out. As I hang the clothes, I listen to the robins sing their happy songs. I listen to the leaves flutter way in the breeze. I enjoy the warmth of my sun soaked patio as I hang the clothes. This is a simple pleasure that costs me nothing but makes me feel so healthy and good.

I've been spending time with friends in the last couple of weeks as well. I visit them at the local farmers' markets. I visit with them in their homes. I visit with them on my patio. It is just good times spent talking, laughing and fully enjoying their friendship. Of course, as we visit, we enjoy our pets, the sounds of nature and the bountiful harvest of the area gardens.

We've had a very dry spell and this morning, I noticed the local conservation authority stated that this area is at a Level 1 drought. My rain barrel has been dry for about 2 weeks now. There are large cracks in the earth of my vegetable garden. The rabbits ate all my beans off but I have a successful crop of beets and cucumbers. My tomatoes are showing signs of being successful too. I do water my vegetables but not the flowers. We desperately need some rain. There are now daily vegetation fires in the area which the authorities are saying are caused by discarded lit cigarette butts. This bothers me that people are so careless to toss their lit butts out their car windows or on the sidewalks as they walk. Everything is tinder dry right now.

A couple of weeks ago, Hubby and I went for a ride north of the city into Central Frontenac County. It was a beautiful ride. The scenery was fantastic. The lakes and rivers looked so invitingly warm. We stopped at a resort for a break and some lunch. It was about 3 days later, this area had a forest fire caused by a lit cigarette butt. The forest fire took 3 days to battle and put out. A large area was damaged due to the carelessness of one person. I don't believe any homes or cottages were burned out but when a forest fire occurs, it burns out the homes of all the forest animals and birds.

Last weekend, Hubby and I took the train to Toronto to see the Eagles. I have always loved this band. Most people refer to "Bucket Lists". I refuse to call it that so mine is called a "Living List". To see the Eagles was part of my Living List. When Glenn Frey passed away, I was deeply saddened. I believed it was the end of the band. I believed that I would never see the Eagles. I even scratched it off my Living List. When the tour date was announced in December, Hubby bought tickets and this past weekend was my Christmas present from 2017. We took the train to Toronto. We stayed in a hotel beside the Scotiabank Arena (formerly Air Canada Centre). We had dinner at Aria Ristorante in Maple Leaf Square. Then we went to the concert. I had a blast!!!! I couldn't stop smiling. I enjoyed every moment. I sang with some of the songs. The Eagles came on and played for 2 1/2 hours non-stop. I didn't leave my seat once. I didn't want to miss one moment. I fully enjoyed the whole experience. Hubby and I returned to our hotel after the concert and had a couple of night caps in the hotel's lounge. Then it was back on the train the next day to return home. That was Monday.

On Tuesday, I took advantage of my daughter having a day off and drove up to Ottawa to see her and spend the day with her. I had lunch with her and her boyfriend. We laughed and reminisced. We abandoned him (I mean dropped him off at home) and then continued our day doing girl stuff. We went shopping. We had to stop and rest our legs which meant, of course, enjoying a Timmies Ice Cap. We continued shopping and then went to my daughter's apartment to rest. After seeing her 4 pet rats, visiting and laughing some more, we went for dinner at a local pub. It was a fantastic day. I stayed a little longer than I intended. I really didn't mind though, as I helped her pick up a used air conditioning unit to help cool down her apartment. It was a late night return home but I certainly slept well that night. Living fully and enjoying every moment of a healthy time in lift can be very tiring.

Wednesday, I had another one of my vaccinations (post stem cell requirement). I walked to and from the doctor's office from my Hubby's work. I also took my daughter's bicycle (which I brought back from her apartment because she has no need for it anymore) in to be repaired. I am considering trying to learn to ride it. I have not really ridden a bicycle on a regular basis in over 30 years. I rested in the afternoon with a short nap although I did pick up some new potatoes, green beans and lamb chops from the local farmers' market. That was our dinner.

Yesterday, I made music with a good friend and enjoyed some laughs. Then I spoke at a fundraising golf tournament for the Canadian Cancer Society. My speech was well received. I was very flattered and honoured when the participants stood and gave me a standing ovation. I've participated in fundraising golf tournaments before and by the time speeches occur, most of the time people politely clap and are more interested in leaving. Again, I was very honoured that they responded with a standing ovation.

I'm tired this morning. I've done 2 loads of laundry and they are hanging on the line. The day is going to be a hot one with lots of humidity. I will be closing up the house and putting the air conditioner on. I am going to visit a friend this morning. We always laugh when we get together. I will pick up my "new" bicycle later in the afternoon when I pick Hubby up from work.

Tomorrow, Hubby and I will visit with another couple that we like to hang out with. They have a beautiful oasis in their backyard that includes a pool. We will be spending time swimming and cooling off as the hot, humid weather stays around for the weekend.

I truly believe life is meant to be experienced fully no matter what the weather or other trials and tribulations may bring. When health is good, I want to seize life with both hands and wring all the joy out of it. So my summer is zipping by quickly as I am fully enjoying it. It is tiring and I do take time to rest and read on my patio too. But.....life is great!!!!!

And the Results of This Last CT Scan Is.....

Today was a day full of appointments. It started off with a regular appointment to have my feet looked at and make sure that they are healthy because of the neuropathy that I now have in both feet. The appointment went well and my feet were looking great. Then I was off to the local hospital to have my first hair appointment since it has been growing in. My hair was growing in unevenly and so this appointment just trimmed it all up to give my hair a tidy look. Immediately after that appointment, I made my way to the Cancer Centre to have my blood taken and tested in advance of my appointment with my oncologist. I took the opportunity to visit with former co-workers on my way to the Cancer Centre.

I saw my oncologist to get the results from the abdominal CT scan that was taken on June 22. A friend of mine volunteers in the Cancer Centre and my time waiting for my appointment went by very quickly as we chatted and visited. This was good as I had mixed emotions going into this appointment. I was afraid that the scan results would show that the 2 spots in my abdomen had grown again. I was afraid that my summer was going to be spent with more doctor appointments in order to get more scans and results. And then, I was expecting that my summer would be spent having a biopsy done and awaiting results from it at the same time as I would be recovering from having the biopsy procedure done. To be honest, I am tired of all the appointments. I'm tired of putting my life on hold. I would like to have a normal summer and be able to go away on holidays for at least a couple of weeks. When my name was called to go in for my appointment, I went and had my regular weigh-in as the nurse checked my weight. There was no change in weight from 2 weeks ago. This was good news. The nurse led me and Hubby to the appointment room. I tried to read my book while we waited. I couldn't concentrate. I was nervous. I was anxious. I was afraid of the worse case scenario.

Finally, my doctor entered the room. He normally carries my big, thick file with him. All he had was a piece of paper. Oh no.....this is not good. That was my thought. As always, my doctor finished rubbing the hand sanitizer into his hands and then he shook my hand. He asked how I was doing.  Then he said he was shocked by my CT scan result. The radiologist was shocked by my CT scan result. The CT scan from June 22 showed that my 2 spots had shrunk in size from the previous abdominal CT scan taken on April 25. The spots are still there but they are smaller. My doctor asked if I had changed my eating habits. My answer was no. He then asked me if I was taking anything to combat any pain. My answer was extra strength Tylenol. He asked if I was taking anything else. My answer was no. There is no logical explanation for these spots to have shrunk. My doctor is baffled. I don't care! I will take these results!! I do not need to see my doctor again until September in preparation for my next Rituxan maintenance chemo session. I asked my doctor, "Would the Rituxan have caused these to shrink?" His answer was no. I had no Rituxan between April 25 and June 21. The Rituxan I had on June 21 would not have had time to cause the spots to shrink in less than 24 hours (the CT scan was done on June 22). There doesn't seem to be any reason for me to be having my abodominal aches. I now put these pains down to stress. It has been a full year of worry.

So there is no logical reason for today's results. Perhaps the reason the spots have shrunk is due to all the prayers that have been said consistently for me. I have been praying regularly. Many friends and family have been praying for me. Many friends and family have had various prayer chains praying for me. Perhaps....maybe?.....God has decided to show His existence and answer some prayers. So I offer my very sincere thanks from the whole of my being to all of you for your prayers and positive thoughts.

Regardless, I am now able to have a "normal" summer! Hubby and I can now plan to have a 2 or 3 week vacation on the motorcycle. I haven't even looked this far ahead in the last several months. I can now stop worrying and start planning. I will take this reprieve and enjoy it fully. I know the spots are still there. We will see what they look like sometime in the future when my doctor decides to take a scan. But for now? I'm grabbing life with both hands and both feet. I'm going to enjoy!!!! So stay tuned and I will try to take you all on the ride with me.

Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!

Lymphoma and the Importance of Listening to Your Body

This past week has gone by very quickly. I know my body has been very tired as it has been a very busy and active last 6 weeks. The tiredness is also a symptom of the lymphoma. Tiredness refers to a bone deep exhausted feeling that never really goes away.

Last Friday was the Relay for Life event in the evening. The event ran from 6 p.m. to Midnight. I intended to take it easy that day but at 8 a.m. I received a phone call booking my abdominal CT scan for that morning at 10:45. So off I went to get that done. I must have been on a cancellation list. I was told not to eat before the appointment. Thank goodness I had been slow that day to get my breakfast and was able to fast until the appointment. Hubby rewarded me with lunch at our favourite Vietnamese restaurant. At the Relay for Life opening ceremonies, my Survivors' Speech was well received. I managed to walk the Survivors' Lap and then only one more regular lap with my Hubby. I wanted to stay at the Relay through to the end.  After my one regular lap with Hubby, I was feeling weak, tired and shaky. We went to our team's campsite and I sat to rest. I hoped that the shakiness and weakness would pass. It didn't. We went home around 8:30 p.m. I was disappointed but I also know that I need to listen to my body. My Rituxan chemo maintenance treatment had been the day before and I could feel my body sinking into a dark pit of "flu-like" symptoms. So home we went.

I struggled with exhaustion up until Wednesday morning (June 27) when I awoke feeling refreshed. I cleaned some of the house as it hadn't been cleaned for a couple of weeks. Yesterday, I ran errands all day. It was too much. By the time I brought my groceries home and got them put away, I was really feeling ill....achy muscles, exhausted, sore abdomen and even a little nauseous. So I laid down and rested. Then I was up and going to finish the last bit of shopping.

The exhaustion stayed with me. I felt like going to bed at 6:30 p.m. but I forced myself to stay up until 9 p.m.  I slept through the night last night but was wide awake by 4:30 this morning. I've had a restful morning but I'm still feeling a little tired. I intend to finish cleaning the house and pick up some pork side ribs for Hubby's birthday BBQ on Monday. If I don't get the ribs today, then I'll make a run tomorrow to pick them up. I really don't like fighting the crowds in the stores or on the roads while driving to the stores. Yesterday was already very busy and I expect today to be more so. I want to get it all done today because tomorrow will be an absolute zoo. But....I will listen to my body. If it continues to tell me that it's too tired, then I won't be going out until tomorrow.

This coming week will be another busy week. I have a chiropractor appointment on Tuesday, 4 appointments on Wednesday and a good friend coming to visit on Thursday. I will see my oncologist on Wednesday when I will get the results from the CT scan. My hope is that I will get at least 2 (hopefully 3?) weeks free of medical appointments and Hubby and I can go away on the motorcycle for a holiday. We have not been able to think ahead more than 2 or 3 weeks to make plans. There is always the possibility that I go to my oncologist appointment and he tells me that it's now time for the biopsy. Hubby and I feel this hangs over our head all the time. The next step after a biopsy would be making a decision about treatments. In a perfect world, we would like to be able to escape the medical world for a few weeks. So we'll see what next week brings.

In the meantime, Hubby's birthday is a time to celebrate life with a few good friends. I know that I have the support of my hubby and my son. I know that if I need them to help with cleaning, I just need to ask. I also know that our friends are also willing to help out. I continue to evolve as a person and ask for help when I need it. I've delegated some aspects of the meal to my friends. If my body continues to say (maybe yell) that it's too tired, I will be delegating chores to my son or hubby.

I'm still learning to listen to my body.

Lymphoma, Making a Difference and Living Fully

What a full week this has been! I had a really nice visit with my father-in-law and we had to say good bye as he returned home. Monday started out with my second in a series of vaccinations. Tuesday was going to be my "day off" in a busy week. On Monday afternoon, I received an email regarding my role as Community Champion for the Kingston Relay for Life 2018. I was scheduled for an interview with our local paper in preparation for our Relay for Life event which is tomorrow. Here's the link to the article which ended up being on the front page.

http://www.thewhig.com/2018/06/19/cancer-survivor-prepares-for-next-battle

Sometimes I wonder about sharing my story. It really is no different than other cancer survivors and patients. I don't really consider myself anyone special except that I'm willing to be open about my experiences in an effort to help other people cope. This blog originally started out as a therapeutic tool and a way to let family and friends from afar know how I'm doing as I navigate through the health care system and this disease called lymphoma. Along the way, I have learned that it has helped strangers in their own journeys. I don't really feel like I'm a victim although sometimes in dark moments that label is worn. I really look at this whole experience as a trip....a journey. I have climbed aboard this train called lymphoma and I am travelling through to a destination which I hope will be a cure. Hope....that really is the reason for doing the Relay for Life. Hope for a cure. Hope that I live long enough for research to find a cure to Follicular Lymphoma. It's a journey. Sometimes it is an uphill journey. Right now, I seem to be travelling along a flat stretch of land that allows me to enjoy the scenery. I keep waiting for a steep hill down but so far the horizon is still just flat land. So let's enjoy the trip.

I'm enjoying having my son home and while Hubby was away this week, Son and I enjoyed seeing the movie "The Incredibles 2" on Tuesday night. What a great evening! I laughed and laughed as we enjoyed the movie together.

Yesterday I had an oncologist appointment. This appointment had two components to it. It was a check up in preparation for my Rituxan treatment which I will have this afternoon. The doctor's appointment was also to receive the results from some previous tests. My blood work was good so the treatment goes ahead as scheduled today. This is what was expected. The test results were for my Pulmonary Fitness Test (lung function test) and it came back with good news. My lungs continue to function well and there was no change from the one I had back in October. I do have a "mild abnormality" which is not a concern but just shows that my lungs are not as elastic as they should be. So the result from that test was good. The really good news is that my chest/throat CT scan was clear!! So as far as we know, they only "spots" are the two that have been found previously in my abdomen. In the last week, I have started to have some constant pain. However, it has not been acute enough for me to want to take extra-strength Tylenol. I think I have taken one pill 2 different nights to get me back to sleep when the pain interfered with my night's sleep. As a result of this development, my oncologist is sending me for another abdominal CT scan within the next couple of weeks. I will probably have another appointment to see him in 2 weeks. I expect to get the date for this appointment today when I go to the Chemo Lab in the Cancer Centre this afternoon.

After my morning appointment yesterday, I spent a wonderful afternoon with my best friend. We talked, we laughed and we visited our local farmer's market where we met up with another one of my friends who has a booth there. While at the market, 3 different strangers recognized me from the article in the paper. My best friend said "You're a celebrity!" The thing about "celebrity" is it is fleeting. I'm glad the article was written. I'm hoping it will help people to donate to the Relay for Life that will occur tomorrow. It's not too late to donate. You can donate to me on my Relay for Life page or to my team "The Cancer Honour Guard". Here's the link:

http://convio.cancer.ca/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFL_ON_even_?team_id=369594&pg=team&fr_id=23710

This morning I'm going to enjoy some singing with my friends as part of "The Grace Notes". Then I will make my way to the Cancer Centre for my treatment. Tomorrow night I will be part of the Relay for Life event and I will be making a survivor speech as part of the opening ceremonies. I'm already tired from the last few weeks of memory making. I can always rest later. Living fully is really important to me. Fame and recognition aren't what really counts. Spending time with my family and friends is important. Making lasting memories with them is truly the treasures of life in my opinion.

Happy Times While Waiting

I continue to wait for my next oncologist appointment where I will receive results of some of the various tests in the last 6 weeks. On June 4, I went for my chest/throat CT Scan just before going away to watch my son graduate from university. I now will get those results on June 20 when I see my oncologist.

In the meantime, I have thoroughly enjoyed being surrounded by family and celebrating life. Last week, my son graduated from university. We rented a house near the university for the 7 family members that were gathered to celebrate my son's achievement. What a great couple of days we had!! We travelled from our various home towns to gather and visit on the Tuesday. The special moments started when we met up with each other on the 401 OnRoute for lunch. Then we arrived at the house. The house overlooked a couple of ponds. What a peaceful and serene view we had from the living room and sitting room. We saw various birds at bird feeders and the sun reflecting on the ponds during the day. At dusk, the ponds reflected lovely pink and purple hues. On Wednesday, we awoke with great excitement and expectation. The morning was spent relaxing and reminiscing until it was time to get dressed up and go to the university for the graduation ceremony. Thankfully, the day was cool and the auditorium was not overly warm. The graduation ceremony started at 2:30 and went through to about 4:00. When I saw my son enter into the auditorium, I was choked up with emotion. When I saw him receive his hood and degree on stage, I had tears in my eyes. I am so very, very proud of my son. At the end, the graduates exited through side doors to the grounds outside. Once the academic party left the stage, the audience exited through the side doors to find our loved ones. When we found my son, I was the last one to get a hug. I was so proud and we just hugged and hugged for a long time. I was tearful as this was a milestone that I really wanted to reach. My son was also tearful as it was a celebration not only of his graduation but of life!  After many pictures taken outside, we went to the alumni sponsored reception. My son went to find his girlfriend to introduce her to us, the family, en masse. Poor girl. She seemed very lovely.

We left the university and returned to the house for about an hour while we relaxed before going out for a celebratory dinner. I had made the reservations back in March. It was a restaurant that we have passed for the last 5 years on our way to visit our son while he was in university. Our reservation was for 7:00 p.m. When we arrived, we were shown to a dining area that overlooked Lake Ontario. We had a lovely view of the lake at dusk. In the distance, we could see three ships waiting for their turn to go through the Welland Canal. My son recognized that his girlfriend and her family were at the table behind us. This was not planned! What a coincidence. My son also recognized one of his roommates from the last couple of years and her family as they also were dining in the restaurant. My family enjoyed a lovely meal full of laughter, pride and love. Pictures of Lake Ontario at dusk were taken as we exited the restaurant after our meal. I found the view stunning and so very relaxing. This was the end of a perfect day filled with love of family, pride and celebration with our son.

We returned to our rental home. I have never seen 7 people change out of suits and back into casual clothes so quickly. We sat around, chatted and fully enjoyed our family time. On Thursday morning we tidied up, packed up and went our separate ways to return home to our various destinations.

Life has continued to be full and enjoyable. On Friday, I did have a routine mammogram just because I have reached a certain age this year. After that appointment, I was involved with a taping of a preview show for the Relay for Life here in Kingston. Saturday, we had my husband's cousin and husband over for dinner (ribs, potato salad, coleslaw, cake and pie) and a lovely visit as my father-in-law is visiting. It was nice for him to see his niece and us to visit with friends who are also family. Sunday we had more friends over who always enjoy seeing my father-in-law.

Over the weekend and this week, I have enjoyed tending my gardens. I did some weeding and some much needed watering. Then there is the time spent on the patio watching the birds, squirrels, rabbits and chipmunks play and frolic in our back yard. The fledglings are just leaving their nests under the watchful eye of their parents. It is fun to watch them attempt to flutter and fly. Sometimes, the little baby birds are staggering to and fro as they hop around the back yard and make their way to the safety of our hedge. All lots of fun.

Last night I enjoyed a little boat cruise on Lake Ontario and the St. Lawrence River. It was around dusk and the colours were pastels and subdued to create a serene voyage. The scenery and water reflected at beautiful, soft pink glow. So life has been full and wonderful as I await the appointments next week. I have started to have a little of pain in my abdomen which signifies to me that things might be growing in there. Oh well.....I find our more next week. In the meantime, life is grand.

The Myriad of Emotions

Usually my frame of mind is pretty good while I wait for appointments, CT scans, results, spots to grow bigger, etc. My life is full of waiting at the moment. Although I'm looking forward to the milestone of my son's university graduation this week, I have had some negative emotions the last couple of days. I think it is because I just want to be healthy and be finished with the uncertainty of where my health is going to go. Anyway, I'm very grumpy today. I can't even stand myself! This is the kind of day that I just want to be on a deserted island and be left alone. My emotions started to head this way yesterday. I don't know why.

I've enjoyed working in my garden and there's still lots to do. I'm liking having my son home for the summer. I like going out on the motorcycle. I enjoy spending time with my friends and family....until I get in a funk like this. Is this anger due to me being bored? Is this anger due to the unfairness of an incurable type of lymphoma? Is it frustration that I'm not able to work? Is it the rut of no matter how often you clean and tidy, there's always more to do? I don't know.

So today is a day that is written off. I'll wallow in my funk for today. I'll go for my chest CT scan tomorrow and get ready for the graduation this week.

Cancer causes a mix of highs and lows. High and positive emotion when you realize that a treatment worked. The deep disappointment of finding out a treatment didn't work. The anger and sadness of the incessant worry of what is growing inside your body. Normally I can deal with this and live life in the moment and enjoy life. Today is not one of those days. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.