The title of this post may seem incongruous. How can a Rituxan Chemo treatment be in the same sentence as Peace and Joy? Joy? Really?! Yes, really!!
On Thursday, December 6, I had my 4th maintenance chemo treatment of Rituxan. This was the morning after a fun Christmas party that I went to with my former co-workers. It reminded me that I really can't wait to finish my sick leave and go back to work with these lovely, caring people! This time, my treatment was given using a new method which was developed through research. Improvements!! Next a cure?! Instead of receiving my Rituxan as an IV, it was given to me as a subcutaneous injection into my abdomen. Instead of sitting in a chemo lab chair for 3-4 hours, I was in the chair for 1 hour. I had to take my pre-meds of Benadryl, Dexamethasone and Tylenol 30 minutes before having the needle. It took 5 minutes to inject the Rituxan into me. This time, I was again facing the uncertainty of how I would react to the needle. Would I feel the flu like side effects immediately? Would it be a slower release of the Rituxan because it was not directly into my bloodstream through the IV? Would the flu-like side effects hit me much later? I could only settle into the seat of the figurative roller coaster and go for the ride. Immediately after the injection, I had a red rash, some swelling and itching at the injection site. The nurse, who was looking after me, kept a close eye on my rash. Because I had already had Benadryl, she wasn't too worried about the rash. She sent some benadryl pills home with me with instructions to put cold compresses on the injection site. The swelling, rash and itching disappeared within an hour after I returned home. My lower abdomen was tender and the muscles ached for the next 2 days. It felt similar to when I had my son delivered by C-section many years ago.
By Saturday, December 8, I was feeling well enough to go Christmas shopping in our downtown core. It was a cool day and overcast. I had my list of stores that I wanted to definitely step into to pick up some items as Christmas presents. I always enjoy my walk down the main street. I had a spring in my step. After just one block, unfortunately, the side effects of my Rituxan treatment hit me. I made a dash to the local Tim Hortons to use the washroom and then buy a tea biscuit. This stop was unplanned. Because the location of this particular Tim Hortons is near a hang out for the homeless, you have to approach the counter and have an employee buzz you into the washroom (unlock the door). Of course the counter was busy. This was not a time for me to publicly have to ask to use a washroom. Oh well.....Afterwards, I did buy a tea biscuit which was not planned. OK. "I'm not going to let this ruin my outing!" was my thought as I continued down the street. Except about 2 blocks later, what happens? I need to find another washroom. So I did discover a neat, little independent coffee shop and slipped inside very quickly. Ahhhh, good! No buzzer required! So after, I felt the need to buy something to support the coffee shop. Needless to say, I haven't actually bought any Christmas presents yet. So another unplanned purchase of a peppermint tea to help calm my insides. This time, I got it to go. The tea was so hot that I couldn't drink it. I walked a little slower down the street hoping that the tea would cool and my insides would cooperate. I saw the local Dollar Store and went inside to pick up some small gift items. But......what do I see to my awestruck surprise?! A sign on the door saying no food or drinks. My tea is still too hot to gulp down before going into the store. I am the type of person who doesn't like to break the rules. But I'm not going to just stand outside the doors like a homeless person and wait for my tea to cool. I took a deep breath and pushed open the door with tea in hand. Oh good!! There's another shopper inside the store with a Tim Hortons cup. I'm not the only rebel!! So I wander up and down the aisles. I picked up a few items and some inspiration on presents. By the time I was ready to head to the cashier to pay for my items, my tea was finished. I tucked the empty cup in my coat pocket while in the line up to pay for my purchases. I also realized that I forgot to bring my reusable bag. So I bought an extra large one for the few items I had. My thought was "I will use this one to carry all my purchases today." As I stepped back out onto the main street, I had another inspiration to support a local general store about half a block up the street. Lo and behold, but what should appear to my wandering eyes?! A trash can!! I put my tea cup in the garbage and continued on my way across the street. Remember I don't like to break the rules and lucky for me the light had just changed. As I strolled through the general store, I was picking up items to fill Christmas gift ideas for my list. Just as I got to the cash, OH NO!!! I need a washroom again! The ladies at the cash were so very nice. They took my impending purchases and directed me to an out-of-the-way washroom. Phew!! So now, hopefully, I can continue on with my Christmas shopping. I bought my items at the general store, placed them in my shopping bag and started off to one of my favourite stores downtown. Just as I was crossing the streets at the lights (remember I can't break the rules and jay walk), I heard a trumpeter start to play some Christmas music! This was perfect timing for me! You see, I was getting frustrated with my body as the Rituxan side effects were affecting me. I was starting to think, "I don't have time for this crap!!" (literally, ha ha). My stomach was aching, my insides were clenching and I was a long walk from the car. I did not have time to get "sick"! My daughter was coming home in a few days, we were getting ready to celebrate "Christmas Day" and her birthday. I did not have time to get sick! This was my only day to get the shopping done! And then I heard this beautiful music coming from the trumpet. As I waited for a street light to turn green so I could cross the street, I listened to the music. I stopped fretting. I breathed the cold air deep into my lungs several times and slowly. I took a very short amount of time to refocus my thoughts. I then actually enjoyed my brisk walk across the street while I listened to the trumpet notes echo through the downtown streets. I quickly found what I wanted in my favourite store and then went on to another store that I have never been in before. Several years ago, Hubby had bought me a box of "tea bags" but they were filled with spices and you used them with warmed red wine to make mulled red wine. I had long ago run out of them and I wanted to replenish my supply. This was a very popular and busy deli. So busy that if you were buying a sandwich, you had to take a number. I looked through their few shelves of items and I could not find the "tea bags". The cashier wasn't busy at that point because the deli customers were not finished getting their sandwiches. I jumped the line (oops....I broke the rules again!) and asked the cashier about the spice tea bags. She went right to the spot and there was only one box left. I quickly indicated that was what I was looking for and bought them. At this point, my shopping bag was now looking like a big green Santa Sack! I guess I was done for the day. This was good news because my body was lagging. It was sinking into the pit of tiredness that comes with the Rituxan. And...my insides were gurgling again. Time to walk very briskly back to my car which was several blocks away. About half way to my car, as I was dodging people strolling on the sidewalk, there was the trumpeter playing "O Holy Night"! This man had his trumpet case open and a sign propped against it. "All Donations to the Partner in Missions Food Bank". I had no money left. I had spent it all. I was disappointed and then thought, "I have a lot of heavy change in my change purse." I unzipped the change compartment of my wallet and dumped the whole thing into his trumpet case. I don't know how much money was actually there. I do know there were a lot of quarters, dimes and nickels. A lady passing by, said to me, "That was so nice of you! Thank you!" She then stopped and put in a couple of five dollar bills. I hurried on my way knowing that my little window of time of feeling well enough to be out was quickly closing.
Sure enough, my body sunk into a terrible bout of side of effects. For the next few days, I was cold. I was hot. I was exhausted. My insides were in turmoil. While staying at home and resting, I did get some of the presents wrapped and under the tree. I took advantage of being at home, and I made my daughter's layered birthday cake in between bouts of running to the washroom. I did take an hour on the Monday evening to go grocery shopping with Hubby. Again, this is a store that I regularly visit and I knew where the public washroom was if needed. I was trying to be positive and hope that I could have one outing without issue. I was disappointed in that hope but at least we got the groceries done. It exhausted me. As I rode the roller coast of side effects, I lit my Advent candles and reflected on Hope and Peace. My hope was the side effects wouldn't last too long. I did manage to find peace of mind as I sat, rested and reflected. As the candles are lit, they reflect off a beautiful table decoration that I just plopped beside the Advent wreath this year. I didn't know where else to place this decoration a few weeks ago, so it just happened to be placed on the coffee table beside the Advent wreath. This decoration is of Mary sitting, Joseph standing beside her and an angel holding the Baby Jesus. As the Advent candles are lit, they reflect and almost spotlight this precious decoration. This year, it has been helping to give me Peace.
By Tuesday, I was feeling rested enough to make the 2 hour drive to my daughter's apartment, pick her up and bring her back home (another 2 hour drive). We stopped partway to get some gas and dinner. The only food option was McDonalds. It had been 7 hours since I had eaten anything. The fact that my stomach was empty, made my insides gurgle more. Ever since my stem cell transplant last year, I often feel ill after eating french fries. Despite this, I ordered french fries with my meal because I was hungry. Mistake!!! By the time my daughter and I returned home, I was not feeling well at all! I went straight to bed and did not have a good night's rest. My insides were a mess! I finally fell asleep around 4 a.m. on Wednesday morning. This was the day that we were celebrating my daughter's birthday and "Christmas Day". I awoke feeling just OK. Hubby took this one day off as a vacation day. The three of us enjoyed a wonderful "Christmas" morning but my insides were griping. My body was not happy. I had an internal conversation with myself. "You can either be miserable and wallow which could be warranted. Or you could suck it up, enjoy your brief time with your daughter and Hubby and move forward as best as you can." So I sucked it up. I didn't complain. I didn't dwell on how crappy I felt. We fully celebrated my daughter's birthday lunch with laughter, chatter, stories and memories. As I was cleaning up from lunch and preparing the kitchen for the stuffing of the turkey, my insides started cramping. Thank goodness Hubby is a wonderful cook and knows his way around the kitchen. While my stomach was cramping, I chopped up the onions, celery and herbs for the stuffing. I then handed the kitchen to Hubby who prepared the turkey and put it in the oven. Meanwhile, I spent my time in our washroom. I told myself, "OK let's get this over with. We have company coming for dinner." My Hubby's cousin is currently out of town and we invited her husband to come for a turkey dinner with all the fixings. I spent the rest of the afternoon in and out of the washroom. At one point, I heard Hubby announce that our guest had just pulled in the driveway. Oh no....I was in dire straits! I prayed, "Please let me get through this time with the company in the house. Please let me not have to spend my time in the washroom like this afternoon. Please, please, please.....don't let me ruin Christmas!" At that point, I was desperate. I wasn't feeling well. I was trying to hide it from my daughter and Hubby. I didn't want this stupid treatment and side effects to steal the day from us. This was a time where I was angry with having lymphoma, the treatment and the side effects! My prayer was answered. Although my stomach was still not happy, I was able to be with everyone and eat a little bit of dinner. As soon as our company left, I was running for the washroom. Hubby now recognized something wasn't right. I went to bed.
I rested most of Thursday and spent time with my daughter. She indicated that wanted to go home Thursday evening instead of waiting until Friday morning. Well, that could work for us. Hubby and I could both go on the trip to return our daughter to her home. I was very tired but my body had stopped griping. I went for the 4 hour ride. This was perhaps a mistake on my part. After dropping our daughter off, we got partway home and filled up with gas. After getting back onto the highway, I started to feel very hot and flushed. Next thing, my stomach was feeling queasy. I had to ask Hubby to stop the car at the side of the 401. He wanted to be safe and started up the ramp onto the 1000 Island Parkway. I now had no more time. "Stop, Stop, Stop!!!" I got the door open just in time. We continued on our way home via the 1000 Island Parkway. Hubby's thought was there was less traffic and it was safer if we had to stop again. Once we hit the end of "The Parkway", I was feeling a little better so we got back on the 401 instead of taking a secondary highway. I just wanted to get home as fast as we could. As we hit the outskirts of our city, my stomach started to uncomfortably roll. I spoke to myself, "Just keep it down, just keep it down. We're almost home. We're almost home." Nope. Couldn't make it. "Pull over, pull over!!", I said with panic in my voice. "We're almost home.", said Hubby in a comforting voice. "Not going to make it.", I groaned. He pulled over in an area where shoulder was narrowing. Thank goodness. I got the door open just in time. When we got home that long Thursday night, I took an anti-nausea pill left over from last winter. It helped. I went to bed and I slept all Thursday night, most of Friday, all Friday night and woke up feeling better on Saturday.
The side effects of this round of Rituxan seemed to be worse than before. I don't know if it is because it was a slower release of the drug because it was a subcutaneous injection. I just know that this time was a rougher go for me. I will have to talk with my oncologist and really weigh the pros and cons of the subcutaneous needle vs. an IV injection. Despite the rough week, I still had moments of Peace. I had true moments of Joy when my daughter was home. We laughed. We had deep love. I truly did feel deep joy within even as my body struggled. I have had a good weekend. I turned the corner and returned to good health on Saturday. Hubby and I ran some errands. We stopped by our favourite apiary to buy some products from our friends. This became an impromptu friendly gathering and was filled with joy, love, friendship and good conversation.
The side effects did cast a small dark pall over our "Christmas" but with some prayer, self-talk and family support, we had a great time. I didn't dwell in the "bad". I didn't have a pity party. I lived through the darkness and found light amidst it. My favourite Christmas movie has always been "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". In it, the Grinch says "Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps.....means a little bit more?" I truly believe that the "Christmas mood" is found in all the intangibles. It's not found in the decorations or the hustle and bustle. For me, this is a real time of Advent....HOPE, PEACE and JOY.
Monday, 17 December 2018
Monday, 3 December 2018
Update and Christmas Hope
The last month has flown by! I was busy raking leaves and preparing my yard for the upcoming winter snow. Our days are shorter and more grey as there is often rain and clouds. There has sometimes been some snow but we have no accumulation of the white snow. My yard is a dull green as the grass has gone dormant but is not brown.
In mid November, I was filled with joy as Hubby and I made the trip to Southwestern Ontario to congregate with my side of the extended family for our early Christmas celebration. There are only three people who will never make it. This includes my grandparents and my father. However, as a group, we feel they are with us in spirit. I always love getting together with my siblings, my aunts and uncles, my cousins and their children. It is always a loud, rambunctious and chaotic get together filled with fun and laughter. I was reconnected with my two children which I deeply appreciated. I miss them as they have both moved to two different areas of the province and are beginning their careers and lives.
Unfortunately, I caught a cold at my family reunion and it continues to linger and knock me down. Just when I think I am improving, I have a day of dizziness, congestion and exhaustion. So I listen to my body and cut back on what I want to do. Despite the inconvenience and less energy, I have managed to get my Christmas decorations up. Christmas is my favourite time of year. I love the music, the fellowship, the food and the "season". I have always had just a modest amount of decorations as I like to keep things simple. I have managed to get my baking done and frozen. My children will not be able to home together for Christmas day, so Hubby and I will celebrate Christmas and birthday with my daughter on the 12th. We will have a turkey dinner with all the trimmings and treat that day like Christmas Day. Then we will do it again with another full turkey dinner and all the trimmings on Dec. 25 when my son will be able to make it home for the holidays. I'm really looking forward to seeing my children and it doesn't matter that we will do two dinners. I love turkey. The more, the better.
This morning, as I write this post, I have my hot cup of coffee on the table beside me. The first Advent candle of my Advent Wreath is lit. This signifies HOPE. For me, there is HOPE that my cold is getting better and my immune system will succeed in fighting it. There is HOPE that the lymphoma is still in remission as I will have my next Rituxan treatment on Thursday. This morning, as I lit the HOPE candle, I thought about our world.
I pray and have HOPE that Canadian dairy farmers will prosper despite the political climate and changes to the various trade pacts. This is a real concern for me and I pray daily for the farmers. My brother runs a first generation small dairy farm. He has been a successful business owner as he has developed the farm for the last 27 years. There are many farms like his in Canada that are not large corporations. Just small business (family farms) that provide for the family and contribute to the community. So I pray and have HOPE that Canadian farms will survive. In an effort to help support the dairy sector whenever I can, I use my money to buy dairy products that support dairy cooperatives such as Gay Lea. I recently was in my local grocery store doing my grocery shopping. I needed to buy more yogurt and I saw a sales rep with the big square logo on his jacked that says Dairy Farmers of Canada. I asked him about which yogurt uses Canadian milk. He did mention some of the big corporate logos that were on the shelf but then he pointed out IOGO yogurt. It is made by a dairy cooperative. This means the money filters down to the dairy farmers who are part of the co-op. It's like they all have shares in the business. I chose to provide HOPE to the dairy sector by using my money to support a dairy cooperative when I buy yogurt from now on.
HOPE. It is such an abstract and intangible word and concept. HOPE can be given concrete meaning when it is followed up with actions. In some ways, I can't make a difference in the political world. So when I can't make a difference, I pray. I pray for world leaders and governments. I get discouraged when I see what is going on in the world. There is spying, murder, world human rights injustices, bullies who are world leaders, and world political organizations such as The United Nations that seem to be ineffective in keeping our world safe and peaceful. So I give myself HOPE and I pray.
This first week of the Christmas Advent season is a week to concentrate and focus on HOPE. In the Christian tradition, it is HOPE of the coming birth of Jesus Christ and our world's salvation. It is also a week to HOPE for the wonderful warmth of family getting together. The HOPE of life being better. HOPE that friends and family who are ill will get better. HOPE that world strife and turmoil will improve. Whether I call my prayer time or meditation or quiet time, it doesn't matter what it is called. For me, I am focusing on HOPE. If nothing else, I achieve the HOPE of a more peaceful and calm inner self by setting aside time for my prayer/advent reflection/meditation (or whatever you want to call it).
My HOPE for today is to do some mundane chores, maybe go for a walk in the afternoon when the rain stops and enjoy a quiet evening with Hubby after we've been to the chiropractor for our "tune-up".
In mid November, I was filled with joy as Hubby and I made the trip to Southwestern Ontario to congregate with my side of the extended family for our early Christmas celebration. There are only three people who will never make it. This includes my grandparents and my father. However, as a group, we feel they are with us in spirit. I always love getting together with my siblings, my aunts and uncles, my cousins and their children. It is always a loud, rambunctious and chaotic get together filled with fun and laughter. I was reconnected with my two children which I deeply appreciated. I miss them as they have both moved to two different areas of the province and are beginning their careers and lives.
Unfortunately, I caught a cold at my family reunion and it continues to linger and knock me down. Just when I think I am improving, I have a day of dizziness, congestion and exhaustion. So I listen to my body and cut back on what I want to do. Despite the inconvenience and less energy, I have managed to get my Christmas decorations up. Christmas is my favourite time of year. I love the music, the fellowship, the food and the "season". I have always had just a modest amount of decorations as I like to keep things simple. I have managed to get my baking done and frozen. My children will not be able to home together for Christmas day, so Hubby and I will celebrate Christmas and birthday with my daughter on the 12th. We will have a turkey dinner with all the trimmings and treat that day like Christmas Day. Then we will do it again with another full turkey dinner and all the trimmings on Dec. 25 when my son will be able to make it home for the holidays. I'm really looking forward to seeing my children and it doesn't matter that we will do two dinners. I love turkey. The more, the better.
This morning, as I write this post, I have my hot cup of coffee on the table beside me. The first Advent candle of my Advent Wreath is lit. This signifies HOPE. For me, there is HOPE that my cold is getting better and my immune system will succeed in fighting it. There is HOPE that the lymphoma is still in remission as I will have my next Rituxan treatment on Thursday. This morning, as I lit the HOPE candle, I thought about our world.
I pray and have HOPE that Canadian dairy farmers will prosper despite the political climate and changes to the various trade pacts. This is a real concern for me and I pray daily for the farmers. My brother runs a first generation small dairy farm. He has been a successful business owner as he has developed the farm for the last 27 years. There are many farms like his in Canada that are not large corporations. Just small business (family farms) that provide for the family and contribute to the community. So I pray and have HOPE that Canadian farms will survive. In an effort to help support the dairy sector whenever I can, I use my money to buy dairy products that support dairy cooperatives such as Gay Lea. I recently was in my local grocery store doing my grocery shopping. I needed to buy more yogurt and I saw a sales rep with the big square logo on his jacked that says Dairy Farmers of Canada. I asked him about which yogurt uses Canadian milk. He did mention some of the big corporate logos that were on the shelf but then he pointed out IOGO yogurt. It is made by a dairy cooperative. This means the money filters down to the dairy farmers who are part of the co-op. It's like they all have shares in the business. I chose to provide HOPE to the dairy sector by using my money to support a dairy cooperative when I buy yogurt from now on.
HOPE. It is such an abstract and intangible word and concept. HOPE can be given concrete meaning when it is followed up with actions. In some ways, I can't make a difference in the political world. So when I can't make a difference, I pray. I pray for world leaders and governments. I get discouraged when I see what is going on in the world. There is spying, murder, world human rights injustices, bullies who are world leaders, and world political organizations such as The United Nations that seem to be ineffective in keeping our world safe and peaceful. So I give myself HOPE and I pray.
This first week of the Christmas Advent season is a week to concentrate and focus on HOPE. In the Christian tradition, it is HOPE of the coming birth of Jesus Christ and our world's salvation. It is also a week to HOPE for the wonderful warmth of family getting together. The HOPE of life being better. HOPE that friends and family who are ill will get better. HOPE that world strife and turmoil will improve. Whether I call my prayer time or meditation or quiet time, it doesn't matter what it is called. For me, I am focusing on HOPE. If nothing else, I achieve the HOPE of a more peaceful and calm inner self by setting aside time for my prayer/advent reflection/meditation (or whatever you want to call it).
My HOPE for today is to do some mundane chores, maybe go for a walk in the afternoon when the rain stops and enjoy a quiet evening with Hubby after we've been to the chiropractor for our "tune-up".
Monday, 29 October 2018
One Year After Stem Cell Transplant
Where do I begin?! I have so many blessings!! I have energy for DOING! Where do I begin? So I describe my week chronologically and try to remember the thoughts and emotions that were interspersed with the activity.
Early last week, I decided to plan my annual Halloween dinner and also have it coincide with my first "birthday". I wanted to hold this dinner tomorrow, October 30. Unfortunately, it is during the work week and was going to be difficult to truly celebrate with friends. So after much discussion, Hubby and I decided to hold our annual Halloween dinner this past Saturday (October 27). I didn't get to have the dinner last year as I was in hospital. A year ago, I was feeling ill and awaiting my stem cell transplant. A year ago, I was filled with FEAR and ANXIETY of the unknown. Would I die? Would this process kill me? I am still here and now able to live life fully. I do know there is no cure but I'm feeling healthy now and that is what is important. So...back to earlier last week. I finally had a date for my dinner. Now to make the menu.
I always serve something made from meatloaf. In the past, I've made murdered meatloaf men or an amputated meatloaf foot. I was bored with those ideas. I wanted to make something different. So I came up with making individual bowls of chicken pot pie with a pastry hand with black olives for fingernails rising out of the bowl. Now this piqued my interest and excitement!
Now I needed to think about a potato side dish that would be spooky. I've sculpted a skull using mashed potatoes before but I didn't really want to try that again. So....what about mashed potato ghosts?! I've done that before but used caraway seeds for the eyes and I didn't like that. So what about making the mashed potato ghosts using green peas for eyes. Yes!!! Insert happy dance here as I was having fun thinking and creating.
So...now I have to think about appetizers. In the past, I have always made a jack-o-lantern cheese ball. Boring and predictable. What can I make that would be different? I know....I used the same cheese ball recipe but made individual cheese balls with dark tortilla chips and black olives to make "bat bites". Yes! They'll taste good and hopefully look like bats. Although after I made them and was putting them on the plate, I thought they looked a little like the storm trooper fighter ships in Star Wars. Oh well, too bad. They do look like bats.
Now while planning this meal, I really thought I should include some healthy options. So what's easier than a vegetable tray with some dip. Normally my vegetable dip is made with mayonnaise, shredded onion, honey and a few drops of hot sauce. This time, I substituted mashed avocado with a small amount of mayonnaise instead of all mayonnaise. I worked well and was very tasty. I had a plastic rat with red eyes that I had out as a decoration on Saturday. My friend moved the rat to sit by the avocado dip and voila.....you have rat barf. This was hilariously fun!! Of course, as I was plating the vegetables, I used beet juice from my pickled beets to draw lines in the crevices of the cauliflower to make them look like brains. This was so much fun to plan and execute!
The last item on my menu was a cocktail punch. I didn't have any idea what to make. I looked online for recipes for cocktails and nothing caught my attention. Then I came across a pamphlet that I had of various kinds of cocktails. I knew I wanted vodka to be in the punch. Didn't I find a recipe for a vodka cocktail that used pineapple juice and another kind of liqueur that I didn't have. I really didn't want to make the punch too strong so I decided to substitute orange juice for the liqueur. That would go well with the pineapple juice. Great! I have my punch planned. But......when I made it on Saturday night before my friends arrived, I tried it. Ooooohhhhhhh!!! It was too strong on the vodka!!! So I added frozen pineapple chunks to dilute and soak up some of the alcohol. Then I saw that I had some frozen blueberries. So I added that. I felt like I was over a cauldron (the punch bowl) adding a little bit of this and that. So I added the frozen blueberries just as our friends arrived on Saturday night. When I glanced at the punch bowl, I could see streaks of red throughout the punch coming from the blueberries that I had added. Yay!!! Very ghoulish!! My friend called it Bloodclot Punch. The floating blueberries really did look a little bit like blood clots.
I had lots of fun but this meal took lots of preparation and planning days in advance. I was exhausted by the end of the evening. And...we forgot to include and celebrate my "first" birthday as part of the evening. I knew I had another full day the next day, on Sunday. Weeks ago, I had agreed to make an announcement at the morning church service and also to provide 3 dozen cookies for the Covenenting Service for my new minister in the afternoon. I was very tired and exhausted by late yesterday (Sunday).
My plan for today was to rest. Take a breather after the many days of activity, fun and busyness. My plan was to sleep in. Somehow that never happens. I was awake early. By mid-morning today, I noticed the rain had stopped and there were leaves on the yard that needed to be raked. So I bundled up in several layers and went out to rake the leaves. I made sure that I wore one of my masks and had gardening gloves on. I'm sure the wet leaves would have some bacteria and mold on them. Once was outdoors raking, I did notice the leaves were full of moisture and very damp. Some were downright wet! I got the majority raked by mid-day but I was overheated and tired. I took off the top jacket (I still had 3 more layers under the jacket). I put away my rake and put the 2 bags of leaves in the garage. I will take them to the city composting depot tomorrow.
I then sat on the patio and enjoyed the coolness of the day. While sitting on the patio, I could hear the leaves audibly dropping onto the ground. I saw blue jays in the trees and could hear their raucous screech as they communicated. Then I saw one feed another. It was beautiful! The brilliant contrast of their blue and white plumage was breathtaking. The one blue jay very gently leaned forward with his/her beak and fed the other blue jay. I was stunned by the gentleness and care. I could also hear chickadees chattering away and then the loud crows in the area with their piercing caws echoing through the air. The crows' sound triggered the memory of waking up in the mornings at my grandpa's farm back in the 1970's. While I continued to sit on the patio, I could hear the light drizzle begin as the rain drops hit the leaves in the trees. What a soothing sound! The wind also was calming as it rustled through the leaves of the trees. The wind combined with the damply weighted leaves caused more leaves to float to the ground. While I sat on the patio relaxing, I chuckled as a big red maple leaf dive bombed me as it was blown through the air and landed on the patio near me.
As my eyes gazed around the patio, I noticed our garden hose sitting on the patio table. Hubby was waiting for it to warm up enough for the hose to be pliable that he could wind it up to put away for the winter. As I looked at the hose on the table, I could see water droplets brilliantly shining as they hung from the hose. I could even see the droplets glisten and grow as the weight of the additional moisture caused the drops to eventually fall to join the moisture on the patio. This was so serene and peaceful! A perfect little retreat to relax after a very busy time. As I focused on my body, I could feel the it relaxing and sinking heavily into a state of total relaxation. This continued as I watched and listened to the natural surroundings. I have always loved nature and camping. This morning suited me fine for the moment until I got chilled. Then I made my way inside the warmth and comfort of the house. I poured myself a nice hot cup of mint tea and gave myself permission to read for the afternoon.
My first birthday is tomorrow. How will I celebrate? I think Hubby and I will have dinner out. Maybe with some friends. I don't even know what restaurant we may choose to support. I know it will be in our downtown and it will be a local restaurant....not a franchise of a chain....but a truly local eatery.
I am feeling so blessed! I believe prayers have been answered and given me a respite from the lymphoma. I am feeling so very healthy and truly try to enjoy each day with family and friends. Life is absolutely great!!!
Early last week, I decided to plan my annual Halloween dinner and also have it coincide with my first "birthday". I wanted to hold this dinner tomorrow, October 30. Unfortunately, it is during the work week and was going to be difficult to truly celebrate with friends. So after much discussion, Hubby and I decided to hold our annual Halloween dinner this past Saturday (October 27). I didn't get to have the dinner last year as I was in hospital. A year ago, I was feeling ill and awaiting my stem cell transplant. A year ago, I was filled with FEAR and ANXIETY of the unknown. Would I die? Would this process kill me? I am still here and now able to live life fully. I do know there is no cure but I'm feeling healthy now and that is what is important. So...back to earlier last week. I finally had a date for my dinner. Now to make the menu.
I always serve something made from meatloaf. In the past, I've made murdered meatloaf men or an amputated meatloaf foot. I was bored with those ideas. I wanted to make something different. So I came up with making individual bowls of chicken pot pie with a pastry hand with black olives for fingernails rising out of the bowl. Now this piqued my interest and excitement!
Now I needed to think about a potato side dish that would be spooky. I've sculpted a skull using mashed potatoes before but I didn't really want to try that again. So....what about mashed potato ghosts?! I've done that before but used caraway seeds for the eyes and I didn't like that. So what about making the mashed potato ghosts using green peas for eyes. Yes!!! Insert happy dance here as I was having fun thinking and creating.
So...now I have to think about appetizers. In the past, I have always made a jack-o-lantern cheese ball. Boring and predictable. What can I make that would be different? I know....I used the same cheese ball recipe but made individual cheese balls with dark tortilla chips and black olives to make "bat bites". Yes! They'll taste good and hopefully look like bats. Although after I made them and was putting them on the plate, I thought they looked a little like the storm trooper fighter ships in Star Wars. Oh well, too bad. They do look like bats.
Now while planning this meal, I really thought I should include some healthy options. So what's easier than a vegetable tray with some dip. Normally my vegetable dip is made with mayonnaise, shredded onion, honey and a few drops of hot sauce. This time, I substituted mashed avocado with a small amount of mayonnaise instead of all mayonnaise. I worked well and was very tasty. I had a plastic rat with red eyes that I had out as a decoration on Saturday. My friend moved the rat to sit by the avocado dip and voila.....you have rat barf. This was hilariously fun!! Of course, as I was plating the vegetables, I used beet juice from my pickled beets to draw lines in the crevices of the cauliflower to make them look like brains. This was so much fun to plan and execute!
The last item on my menu was a cocktail punch. I didn't have any idea what to make. I looked online for recipes for cocktails and nothing caught my attention. Then I came across a pamphlet that I had of various kinds of cocktails. I knew I wanted vodka to be in the punch. Didn't I find a recipe for a vodka cocktail that used pineapple juice and another kind of liqueur that I didn't have. I really didn't want to make the punch too strong so I decided to substitute orange juice for the liqueur. That would go well with the pineapple juice. Great! I have my punch planned. But......when I made it on Saturday night before my friends arrived, I tried it. Ooooohhhhhhh!!! It was too strong on the vodka!!! So I added frozen pineapple chunks to dilute and soak up some of the alcohol. Then I saw that I had some frozen blueberries. So I added that. I felt like I was over a cauldron (the punch bowl) adding a little bit of this and that. So I added the frozen blueberries just as our friends arrived on Saturday night. When I glanced at the punch bowl, I could see streaks of red throughout the punch coming from the blueberries that I had added. Yay!!! Very ghoulish!! My friend called it Bloodclot Punch. The floating blueberries really did look a little bit like blood clots.
I had lots of fun but this meal took lots of preparation and planning days in advance. I was exhausted by the end of the evening. And...we forgot to include and celebrate my "first" birthday as part of the evening. I knew I had another full day the next day, on Sunday. Weeks ago, I had agreed to make an announcement at the morning church service and also to provide 3 dozen cookies for the Covenenting Service for my new minister in the afternoon. I was very tired and exhausted by late yesterday (Sunday).
My plan for today was to rest. Take a breather after the many days of activity, fun and busyness. My plan was to sleep in. Somehow that never happens. I was awake early. By mid-morning today, I noticed the rain had stopped and there were leaves on the yard that needed to be raked. So I bundled up in several layers and went out to rake the leaves. I made sure that I wore one of my masks and had gardening gloves on. I'm sure the wet leaves would have some bacteria and mold on them. Once was outdoors raking, I did notice the leaves were full of moisture and very damp. Some were downright wet! I got the majority raked by mid-day but I was overheated and tired. I took off the top jacket (I still had 3 more layers under the jacket). I put away my rake and put the 2 bags of leaves in the garage. I will take them to the city composting depot tomorrow.
I then sat on the patio and enjoyed the coolness of the day. While sitting on the patio, I could hear the leaves audibly dropping onto the ground. I saw blue jays in the trees and could hear their raucous screech as they communicated. Then I saw one feed another. It was beautiful! The brilliant contrast of their blue and white plumage was breathtaking. The one blue jay very gently leaned forward with his/her beak and fed the other blue jay. I was stunned by the gentleness and care. I could also hear chickadees chattering away and then the loud crows in the area with their piercing caws echoing through the air. The crows' sound triggered the memory of waking up in the mornings at my grandpa's farm back in the 1970's. While I continued to sit on the patio, I could hear the light drizzle begin as the rain drops hit the leaves in the trees. What a soothing sound! The wind also was calming as it rustled through the leaves of the trees. The wind combined with the damply weighted leaves caused more leaves to float to the ground. While I sat on the patio relaxing, I chuckled as a big red maple leaf dive bombed me as it was blown through the air and landed on the patio near me.
As my eyes gazed around the patio, I noticed our garden hose sitting on the patio table. Hubby was waiting for it to warm up enough for the hose to be pliable that he could wind it up to put away for the winter. As I looked at the hose on the table, I could see water droplets brilliantly shining as they hung from the hose. I could even see the droplets glisten and grow as the weight of the additional moisture caused the drops to eventually fall to join the moisture on the patio. This was so serene and peaceful! A perfect little retreat to relax after a very busy time. As I focused on my body, I could feel the it relaxing and sinking heavily into a state of total relaxation. This continued as I watched and listened to the natural surroundings. I have always loved nature and camping. This morning suited me fine for the moment until I got chilled. Then I made my way inside the warmth and comfort of the house. I poured myself a nice hot cup of mint tea and gave myself permission to read for the afternoon.
My first birthday is tomorrow. How will I celebrate? I think Hubby and I will have dinner out. Maybe with some friends. I don't even know what restaurant we may choose to support. I know it will be in our downtown and it will be a local restaurant....not a franchise of a chain....but a truly local eatery.
I am feeling so blessed! I believe prayers have been answered and given me a respite from the lymphoma. I am feeling so very healthy and truly try to enjoy each day with family and friends. Life is absolutely great!!!
Friday, 19 October 2018
The Extraordinary Amongst The Ordinary
This past week has passed very quickly. My life has settled into an ordinary rhythm with just ordinary tasks. I spent the early part of this week working in my gardens and finally catching up on some of the weeding that has been neglected for years. At the same time, I put my flowerbeds to rest for the winter. On Tuesday, I harvested the rest of my beets and cooked up a pumpkin that had been given to us. On Wednesday, I made curried pumpkin soup and cleaned the beets. I still need to finish freezing the pumpkin puree and I believe I will make some beet pickles with the beets that I have cleaned. Also on Wednesday night, I went to dinner and a musical show with a couple of my friends from the "Grace Notes". While I was at the concert, BAM...exhaustion hit me mid-week and mid-show. I have been struggling ever since. I listened to my body Wednesday night and left the concert during the intermission to go home and go to bed. Yesterday, Thursday, I did our groceries and errands. It wiped me out. Today was a warm Autumn day and I took advantage of it to do some laundry and dry it on the line outside. I also mowed the lawn and took the opportunity to mulch the leaves with the lawn mower.
After cutting the grass, I decided to rest on the patio with a cup of tea sitting on the table at my elbow. The tea patiently sat there waiting for me to sip it. The wasps were sluggish and "dumb". It was easy to swat and kill them. While I sat in my lounger on the patio, I could hear the wind dancing through the trees. I found this very soothing while the leaves chattered in the wind. There were gusts of wind which caused the leaves to blow through the air and run across the green, lush grass in the wind. While sitting and watching all this, my clothing on the line caught my attention as it bucked and danced in the wind while it dried them. While I listened to the wind, it was accompanied by my wind chimes. These soothing sounds were abruptly interrupted by a motorized tractor labouring in my neighbour's yard and also by a train horn from the nearby railway tracks. I always have a sense of relief in the silence which is broken by the wind rushing through the trees.
As I mentioned, I was hit with exhaustion part way through the week. It manifests itself in sore hands, achy muscles, weariness, restlessness and a general feeling of being unsettled. As I sat on the patio, I was still exhausted but I was soothed by the surrounding bits of nature. When I first sat down in my lounger, the sun was gently warming me as it seeped through my sweatpants and into my weary bones. As I surveyed the patio, I noticed the various items that still need to be brought inside and put away for the winter. I looked at my little garden statue sitting on the patio. It was given to me many years ago as a Mother's Day present. The mother, sitting on her bench holding her baby cherub, is cracked and broken but her baby cherub is still whole and healthy. I look at this statue and it is a mirror of how I feel. The last several years have caused my body to be cracked and broken but my children are healthy and whole as I have tried to protect them from some of the harsh truths of life. Anyway, back to surveying my patio and I noticed another sculpture and several lanterns that need to be brought inside before winter. Then I noticed my teal coloured metal loon decoration. As the wind blew through it today, it spun and wobbled crazily. I found it hypnotizing and very relaxing to watch it spin. Soon it too, will have to be put away before winter. Our fire pot also needs to be brought out of the elements. I don't believe we will have any more little campfires this season. At the same time, my garden bistro set needs to be put away along with our patio table and chairs.
I sat long enough on the patio that the sun moved further west and my chair was now in the shade. I realized that there was a chill in the air to remind me it is Autumn and not Summer. On a day like today, I am happy to be off work and able to enjoy this last fling of a warm day. I was able to see the trees were getting ready to sleep for the winter. The leaves are drying out and curling on the branches. As they are partially dried, this explains the chattering sound as the wind blows through them and attempts to tear them off the trees.
Our bird feeder is still hanging in the tree but less birds are around to partake of the free meal. Today, a pair of mourning doves were grazing and eating seeds under the feeder. While they enjoyed their meal, a fat grey squirrel ran near them and the mourning doves scattered. The squirrel made its way to our pear tree and then over to the oak tree where it seemed to find some acorns. After the squirrel was near the oak tree, the mourning doves settled back down and returned to pecking at the fresh, cut grass. I could also hear some chickadees chattering away at the same time as sparrows chirped nearby.
Along with all this beautiful nature, my wind chimes were creating soothing and slightly sad music in the background. While listening to them, I recognized that the minor third was most prevalent in today's music. These wind chimes were a souvenir from our trip to PEI in 2014. The stained glass pendulum always reminds me of the ocean water and white breakers of the waves. The stained glass is full of swirling blues and whites. With the wind chimes and the opportunity to enjoy the nature in my backyard, it was a lazy, calming and meditating sort of afternoon. Other people might feel this way on a hot, sunny beach at the ocean's edge, but I like the moderate temperatures and green grass. In my backyard, I do miss the sounds of the waves. But today, if I listened closely, I could just hear it in the gusts of wind in the trees.
As I mulled my thoughts this afternoon, I remembered my former neighbour from when we lived in the country. She passed away very recently. Most of what I know about gardening, I learned from her. She used to have a wide variety of vegetables and fruits and used her bountiful harvests for freezing and canning. She was always a generous woman and shared her knowledge and bounty with me and my children. A few times, I did some hand stitching on her quilts with her. She was a lovely, warm and loyal Christian woman. I have many fond memories and am saddened to know that she has passed away. She will be remembered.
After cutting the grass, I decided to rest on the patio with a cup of tea sitting on the table at my elbow. The tea patiently sat there waiting for me to sip it. The wasps were sluggish and "dumb". It was easy to swat and kill them. While I sat in my lounger on the patio, I could hear the wind dancing through the trees. I found this very soothing while the leaves chattered in the wind. There were gusts of wind which caused the leaves to blow through the air and run across the green, lush grass in the wind. While sitting and watching all this, my clothing on the line caught my attention as it bucked and danced in the wind while it dried them. While I listened to the wind, it was accompanied by my wind chimes. These soothing sounds were abruptly interrupted by a motorized tractor labouring in my neighbour's yard and also by a train horn from the nearby railway tracks. I always have a sense of relief in the silence which is broken by the wind rushing through the trees.
As I mentioned, I was hit with exhaustion part way through the week. It manifests itself in sore hands, achy muscles, weariness, restlessness and a general feeling of being unsettled. As I sat on the patio, I was still exhausted but I was soothed by the surrounding bits of nature. When I first sat down in my lounger, the sun was gently warming me as it seeped through my sweatpants and into my weary bones. As I surveyed the patio, I noticed the various items that still need to be brought inside and put away for the winter. I looked at my little garden statue sitting on the patio. It was given to me many years ago as a Mother's Day present. The mother, sitting on her bench holding her baby cherub, is cracked and broken but her baby cherub is still whole and healthy. I look at this statue and it is a mirror of how I feel. The last several years have caused my body to be cracked and broken but my children are healthy and whole as I have tried to protect them from some of the harsh truths of life. Anyway, back to surveying my patio and I noticed another sculpture and several lanterns that need to be brought inside before winter. Then I noticed my teal coloured metal loon decoration. As the wind blew through it today, it spun and wobbled crazily. I found it hypnotizing and very relaxing to watch it spin. Soon it too, will have to be put away before winter. Our fire pot also needs to be brought out of the elements. I don't believe we will have any more little campfires this season. At the same time, my garden bistro set needs to be put away along with our patio table and chairs.
I sat long enough on the patio that the sun moved further west and my chair was now in the shade. I realized that there was a chill in the air to remind me it is Autumn and not Summer. On a day like today, I am happy to be off work and able to enjoy this last fling of a warm day. I was able to see the trees were getting ready to sleep for the winter. The leaves are drying out and curling on the branches. As they are partially dried, this explains the chattering sound as the wind blows through them and attempts to tear them off the trees.
Our bird feeder is still hanging in the tree but less birds are around to partake of the free meal. Today, a pair of mourning doves were grazing and eating seeds under the feeder. While they enjoyed their meal, a fat grey squirrel ran near them and the mourning doves scattered. The squirrel made its way to our pear tree and then over to the oak tree where it seemed to find some acorns. After the squirrel was near the oak tree, the mourning doves settled back down and returned to pecking at the fresh, cut grass. I could also hear some chickadees chattering away at the same time as sparrows chirped nearby.
Along with all this beautiful nature, my wind chimes were creating soothing and slightly sad music in the background. While listening to them, I recognized that the minor third was most prevalent in today's music. These wind chimes were a souvenir from our trip to PEI in 2014. The stained glass pendulum always reminds me of the ocean water and white breakers of the waves. The stained glass is full of swirling blues and whites. With the wind chimes and the opportunity to enjoy the nature in my backyard, it was a lazy, calming and meditating sort of afternoon. Other people might feel this way on a hot, sunny beach at the ocean's edge, but I like the moderate temperatures and green grass. In my backyard, I do miss the sounds of the waves. But today, if I listened closely, I could just hear it in the gusts of wind in the trees.
As I mulled my thoughts this afternoon, I remembered my former neighbour from when we lived in the country. She passed away very recently. Most of what I know about gardening, I learned from her. She used to have a wide variety of vegetables and fruits and used her bountiful harvests for freezing and canning. She was always a generous woman and shared her knowledge and bounty with me and my children. A few times, I did some hand stitching on her quilts with her. She was a lovely, warm and loyal Christian woman. I have many fond memories and am saddened to know that she has passed away. She will be remembered.
Monday, 1 October 2018
Post Stem Cell and Adjusting to the New Normal
After my maintenance treatment of Rituxan, I was pleased to see there were less ill effects. There was no infection in the injection site as I feared may happen. I had a couple of days of headaches and about a week of being really tired. However, it did not stop me from enjoying the late summer weather.
My right eye has continued to water non-stop. I had my appointment with my ophthalmologist this past Wednesday. He carefully examined my eyes and there was great news. There were no growths. There were no scratches or issues with my eyes. Everything was stable and healthy. In his opinion, the stem cell transplant has affected my eyes' ability to lubricate and secrete enough tears. I have "dry eyes". So I am now having to permanently use eye drops to help lubricate my eyes. Over time, my eyes will stop watering but I will need to continue to use the drops. I can live with this.
In the past couple of weeks, I have enjoyed being busy. My church had a fundraising garage sale. It was different this year in that they rented tables to people who wanted to sell their "stuff". The people who rented tables got to keep the money from their items that they sold. BUT....they were also responsible for removing any unsold items. This meant the church/committee was not responsible for disposal of garbage, electronic waste, etc. The church also sold lunch and refreshments as part of the fundraiser. So I decided to rent a table and declutter some of my house. Last year at this time, I had gone through my music collection and put together piles of flute music, piano music and vocal music that I was willing to part with. At my table, I had baskets of music for sale. I was pleased with what I sold. Yes, some of my articles came back home with me but they just went back into the closets and cupboards where they came from. I was at the sale from 9 a.m. through to about 2:00 p.m. It wiped it me out and I was too tired to do much the next day.
I have been busy in my gardens harvesting tomatoes, beans, garlic, parsley, sage and onions. I need to do a major clean up as some of the gardens have not been touched this summer. Lots of weeding to be done. I am slowly catching up. Throughout the summer, I have been able to putter around and do the weeding but it is always dependent on my energy levels. I'm noticing that my endurance is getting better. I really enjoy working outdoors. I listen to the birds. I've had chickadees perch almost beside my shoulder in the trees. They chirp at me as I pull weeds. This past week, I cleaned up an area of the flowerbed that hasn't been touched in a few years. I was able to dig out some persistent weeds and tubers of plants. I transplanted some new plants into the area.
While I was away in August, I had one cherry tomato plant that exploded in growth. I have been picking my tomatoes regularly as they ripen. I have made lots of tomato sauce and frozen many of the tomatoes. The weather cooled down this past week and so I decided to harvest the rest of the tomatoes off this one plant (I still have 5 other cherry tomato plants to tackle). I ended up with at least 16 quarts of green tomatoes. On Saturday, I made and canned a batch (8 quarts of green tomatoes) of Green Tomato Chow Chow. It is a recipe that I use out of our church cookbook that we published in 2004. The recipes in the book were all original or "heirloom" recipes (handed down through the families). A lady in my congregation indicated the Green Tomato Chow Chow was her great-grandmother's recipe. Her great-grandmother had lived in New Brunswick. On Saturday, the house smelled wonderful with the scents of onion, tomato, cider vinegar. This is like a chunky relish and it has a spicy bite to it. I love it on sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers and on top of meats. I will be starting another batch tonight to use up the rest of the green tomatoes I harvested on Friday.
It is raining here today and is supposed to rain tomorrow as well. This will give me the opportunity to clean the house and catch up on indoor "chores". Thanksgiving is approaching this coming weekend and I want to get some baking done for that as well. In the last couple of weeks, I've been enjoying life with friends. There have been some small campfires here and at our friends' home. I find it mesmerizing and relaxing to watch the flames dance around the logs. I love seeing the blue hues as gases are released from the wood. It is the time of year though, where I feel my hips getting cold while we are around the fire. Out come the old blankets and afghans to wrap around me so I can enjoy these last days of summer.
Yesterday, Hubby took me out on The Goldwing for a brief ride. The weather was forecasted to be overcast with sunny breaks but no rain until late in the evening. The temperature yesterday afternoon was supposed to reach 15 degrees Celsius. We bundled up with in layers and with the inner linings in our motorcycle jackets. Off we went. We travelled north of the city so that we could see the changing leaves. We will have to go out again in a week or so because the leaves were just starting to change colour. We travelled through one of our favourite areas near Desert Lake. The road is full of hills and is twisting with some sharp turns. As you come over the top of a hill, you see a lake at the bottom and the road will turn 90 degrees to go around the tip of the lake. It is a beautiful ride. As we climbed a hill on this road, we saw 4 deer off to the right grazing on some uncut grass near a cottage. A little further along, we had to slow down as rafter (flock) of wild turkeys crossed the road. As we continued our ride, a mist developed. Enough moisture was falling that my helmet and the
windscreen on the bike were covered in water. Hubby turned towards home. Once we arrived back in the city, we went to our local butcher and picked up a piece of ribeye steak to barbecue for dinner. I didn't realize it until this morning, but yesterday was my 11 month celebration of my stem cell transplant. Hubby recognized the significance of the date yesterday. Hence, the steak and fun ride to celebrate life.
I also finally had my hair cut in the style I had before my diagnosis a year ago. It has taken this long for the hair to grow in even enough to style. I had it trimmed in June but that was just to even the hair out. My hair dresser indicated on Thursday that the hair is still coming in but she was able to cut it and make it look good. She praised me on my patience while it grew in. I was not liking how it was bushy as it got longer. After she cut my hair on Thursday, the floor of the salon was filled with tight, red curls. I've gone back to short hair on the sides and back with the hair being longer on top. This way, I will still have my natural waves (maybe tight curls) on the top. I don't like hair hanging in my face and it had got long enough on the sides that the curls were curling into my face and eyes. I'm happy. I never really complained bitterly about my hair looking bushy and a bit like a clown because....it's hair! It was better than not having any hair and being a cue ball.
So I sign off on this dreary day. It's time to get to "work", be ac
After my maintenance treatment of Rituxan, I was pleased to see there were less ill effects. There was no infection in the injection site as I feared may happen. I had a couple of days of headaches and about a week of being really tired. However, it did not stop me from enjoying the late summer weather.
My right eye has continued to water non-stop. I had my appointment with my ophthalmologist this past Wednesday. He carefully examined my eyes and there was great news. There were no growths. There were no scratches or issues with my eyes. Everything was stable and healthy. In his opinion, the stem cell transplant has affected my eyes' ability to lubricate and secrete enough tears. I have "dry eyes". So I am now having to permanently use eye drops to help lubricate my eyes. Over time, my eyes will stop watering but I will need to continue to use the drops. I can live with this.
In the past couple of weeks, I have enjoyed being busy. My church had a fundraising garage sale. It was different this year in that they rented tables to people who wanted to sell their "stuff". The people who rented tables got to keep the money from their items that they sold. BUT....they were also responsible for removing any unsold items. This meant the church/committee was not responsible for disposal of garbage, electronic waste, etc. The church also sold lunch and refreshments as part of the fundraiser. So I decided to rent a table and declutter some of my house. Last year at this time, I had gone through my music collection and put together piles of flute music, piano music and vocal music that I was willing to part with. At my table, I had baskets of music for sale. I was pleased with what I sold. Yes, some of my articles came back home with me but they just went back into the closets and cupboards where they came from. I was at the sale from 9 a.m. through to about 2:00 p.m. It wiped it me out and I was too tired to do much the next day.
I have been busy in my gardens harvesting tomatoes, beans, garlic, parsley, sage and onions. I need to do a major clean up as some of the gardens have not been touched this summer. Lots of weeding to be done. I am slowly catching up. Throughout the summer, I have been able to putter around and do the weeding but it is always dependent on my energy levels. I'm noticing that my endurance is getting better. I really enjoy working outdoors. I listen to the birds. I've had chickadees perch almost beside my shoulder in the trees. They chirp at me as I pull weeds. This past week, I cleaned up an area of the flowerbed that hasn't been touched in a few years. I was able to dig out some persistent weeds and tubers of plants. I transplanted some new plants into the area.
While I was away in August, I had one cherry tomato plant that exploded in growth. I have been picking my tomatoes regularly as they ripen. I have made lots of tomato sauce and frozen many of the tomatoes. The weather cooled down this past week and so I decided to harvest the rest of the tomatoes off this one plant (I still have 5 other cherry tomato plants to tackle). I ended up with at least 16 quarts of green tomatoes. On Saturday, I made and canned a batch (8 quarts of green tomatoes) of Green Tomato Chow Chow. It is a recipe that I use out of our church cookbook that we published in 2004. The recipes in the book were all original or "heirloom" recipes (handed down through the families). A lady in my congregation indicated the Green Tomato Chow Chow was her great-grandmother's recipe. Her great-grandmother had lived in New Brunswick. On Saturday, the house smelled wonderful with the scents of onion, tomato, cider vinegar. This is like a chunky relish and it has a spicy bite to it. I love it on sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers and on top of meats. I will be starting another batch tonight to use up the rest of the green tomatoes I harvested on Friday.
It is raining here today and is supposed to rain tomorrow as well. This will give me the opportunity to clean the house and catch up on indoor "chores". Thanksgiving is approaching this coming weekend and I want to get some baking done for that as well. In the last couple of weeks, I've been enjoying life with friends. There have been some small campfires here and at our friends' home. I find it mesmerizing and relaxing to watch the flames dance around the logs. I love seeing the blue hues as gases are released from the wood. It is the time of year though, where I feel my hips getting cold while we are around the fire. Out come the old blankets and afghans to wrap around me so I can enjoy these last days of summer.
Yesterday, Hubby took me out on The Goldwing for a brief ride. The weather was forecasted to be overcast with sunny breaks but no rain until late in the evening. The temperature yesterday afternoon was supposed to reach 15 degrees Celsius. We bundled up with in layers and with the inner linings in our motorcycle jackets. Off we went. We travelled north of the city so that we could see the changing leaves. We will have to go out again in a week or so because the leaves were just starting to change colour. We travelled through one of our favourite areas near Desert Lake. The road is full of hills and is twisting with some sharp turns. As you come over the top of a hill, you see a lake at the bottom and the road will turn 90 degrees to go around the tip of the lake. It is a beautiful ride. As we climbed a hill on this road, we saw 4 deer off to the right grazing on some uncut grass near a cottage. A little further along, we had to slow down as rafter (flock) of wild turkeys crossed the road. As we continued our ride, a mist developed. Enough moisture was falling that my helmet and the windscreen on the bike were covered in water. Hubby turned towards home. Once we arrived back in the city, we went to our local butcher and picked up a piece of rib eye steak to barbecue for dinner. I didn't realize it until this morning, but yesterday was my 11 month celebration of my stem cell transplant. Hubby recognized the significance of the date yesterday. Hence, the steak and fun ride to celebrate life.
I also finally had my hair cut in the style I had before my diagnosis a year ago. It has taken this long for the hair to grow in even enough to style. I had it trimmed in June but that was just to even the hair out. My hair dresser indicated on Thursday that the hair is still coming in but she was able to cut it and make it look good. She praised me on my patience while it grew in. I was not liking how it was bushy as it got longer. After she cut my hair on Thursday, the floor of the salon was filled with tight, red curls. I've gone back to short hair on the sides and back with the hair being longer on top. This way, I will still have my natural waves (maybe tight curls) on the top. I don't like hair hanging in my face and it had got long enough on the sides that the curls were curling into my face and eyes. I'm happy. I never really complained bitterly about my hair looking bushy and a bit like a clown because....it's hair! It was better than not having any hair and being a cue ball.
So I sign off on this dreary day. It's time to get to "work", be active and enjoy the simple things in life.
My right eye has continued to water non-stop. I had my appointment with my ophthalmologist this past Wednesday. He carefully examined my eyes and there was great news. There were no growths. There were no scratches or issues with my eyes. Everything was stable and healthy. In his opinion, the stem cell transplant has affected my eyes' ability to lubricate and secrete enough tears. I have "dry eyes". So I am now having to permanently use eye drops to help lubricate my eyes. Over time, my eyes will stop watering but I will need to continue to use the drops. I can live with this.
In the past couple of weeks, I have enjoyed being busy. My church had a fundraising garage sale. It was different this year in that they rented tables to people who wanted to sell their "stuff". The people who rented tables got to keep the money from their items that they sold. BUT....they were also responsible for removing any unsold items. This meant the church/committee was not responsible for disposal of garbage, electronic waste, etc. The church also sold lunch and refreshments as part of the fundraiser. So I decided to rent a table and declutter some of my house. Last year at this time, I had gone through my music collection and put together piles of flute music, piano music and vocal music that I was willing to part with. At my table, I had baskets of music for sale. I was pleased with what I sold. Yes, some of my articles came back home with me but they just went back into the closets and cupboards where they came from. I was at the sale from 9 a.m. through to about 2:00 p.m. It wiped it me out and I was too tired to do much the next day.
I have been busy in my gardens harvesting tomatoes, beans, garlic, parsley, sage and onions. I need to do a major clean up as some of the gardens have not been touched this summer. Lots of weeding to be done. I am slowly catching up. Throughout the summer, I have been able to putter around and do the weeding but it is always dependent on my energy levels. I'm noticing that my endurance is getting better. I really enjoy working outdoors. I listen to the birds. I've had chickadees perch almost beside my shoulder in the trees. They chirp at me as I pull weeds. This past week, I cleaned up an area of the flowerbed that hasn't been touched in a few years. I was able to dig out some persistent weeds and tubers of plants. I transplanted some new plants into the area.
While I was away in August, I had one cherry tomato plant that exploded in growth. I have been picking my tomatoes regularly as they ripen. I have made lots of tomato sauce and frozen many of the tomatoes. The weather cooled down this past week and so I decided to harvest the rest of the tomatoes off this one plant (I still have 5 other cherry tomato plants to tackle). I ended up with at least 16 quarts of green tomatoes. On Saturday, I made and canned a batch (8 quarts of green tomatoes) of Green Tomato Chow Chow. It is a recipe that I use out of our church cookbook that we published in 2004. The recipes in the book were all original or "heirloom" recipes (handed down through the families). A lady in my congregation indicated the Green Tomato Chow Chow was her great-grandmother's recipe. Her great-grandmother had lived in New Brunswick. On Saturday, the house smelled wonderful with the scents of onion, tomato, cider vinegar. This is like a chunky relish and it has a spicy bite to it. I love it on sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers and on top of meats. I will be starting another batch tonight to use up the rest of the green tomatoes I harvested on Friday.
It is raining here today and is supposed to rain tomorrow as well. This will give me the opportunity to clean the house and catch up on indoor "chores". Thanksgiving is approaching this coming weekend and I want to get some baking done for that as well. In the last couple of weeks, I've been enjoying life with friends. There have been some small campfires here and at our friends' home. I find it mesmerizing and relaxing to watch the flames dance around the logs. I love seeing the blue hues as gases are released from the wood. It is the time of year though, where I feel my hips getting cold while we are around the fire. Out come the old blankets and afghans to wrap around me so I can enjoy these last days of summer.
Yesterday, Hubby took me out on The Goldwing for a brief ride. The weather was forecasted to be overcast with sunny breaks but no rain until late in the evening. The temperature yesterday afternoon was supposed to reach 15 degrees Celsius. We bundled up with in layers and with the inner linings in our motorcycle jackets. Off we went. We travelled north of the city so that we could see the changing leaves. We will have to go out again in a week or so because the leaves were just starting to change colour. We travelled through one of our favourite areas near Desert Lake. The road is full of hills and is twisting with some sharp turns. As you come over the top of a hill, you see a lake at the bottom and the road will turn 90 degrees to go around the tip of the lake. It is a beautiful ride. As we climbed a hill on this road, we saw 4 deer off to the right grazing on some uncut grass near a cottage. A little further along, we had to slow down as rafter (flock) of wild turkeys crossed the road. As we continued our ride, a mist developed. Enough moisture was falling that my helmet and the
windscreen on the bike were covered in water. Hubby turned towards home. Once we arrived back in the city, we went to our local butcher and picked up a piece of ribeye steak to barbecue for dinner. I didn't realize it until this morning, but yesterday was my 11 month celebration of my stem cell transplant. Hubby recognized the significance of the date yesterday. Hence, the steak and fun ride to celebrate life.
I also finally had my hair cut in the style I had before my diagnosis a year ago. It has taken this long for the hair to grow in even enough to style. I had it trimmed in June but that was just to even the hair out. My hair dresser indicated on Thursday that the hair is still coming in but she was able to cut it and make it look good. She praised me on my patience while it grew in. I was not liking how it was bushy as it got longer. After she cut my hair on Thursday, the floor of the salon was filled with tight, red curls. I've gone back to short hair on the sides and back with the hair being longer on top. This way, I will still have my natural waves (maybe tight curls) on the top. I don't like hair hanging in my face and it had got long enough on the sides that the curls were curling into my face and eyes. I'm happy. I never really complained bitterly about my hair looking bushy and a bit like a clown because....it's hair! It was better than not having any hair and being a cue ball.
So I sign off on this dreary day. It's time to get to "work", be ac
After my maintenance treatment of Rituxan, I was pleased to see there were less ill effects. There was no infection in the injection site as I feared may happen. I had a couple of days of headaches and about a week of being really tired. However, it did not stop me from enjoying the late summer weather.
My right eye has continued to water non-stop. I had my appointment with my ophthalmologist this past Wednesday. He carefully examined my eyes and there was great news. There were no growths. There were no scratches or issues with my eyes. Everything was stable and healthy. In his opinion, the stem cell transplant has affected my eyes' ability to lubricate and secrete enough tears. I have "dry eyes". So I am now having to permanently use eye drops to help lubricate my eyes. Over time, my eyes will stop watering but I will need to continue to use the drops. I can live with this.
In the past couple of weeks, I have enjoyed being busy. My church had a fundraising garage sale. It was different this year in that they rented tables to people who wanted to sell their "stuff". The people who rented tables got to keep the money from their items that they sold. BUT....they were also responsible for removing any unsold items. This meant the church/committee was not responsible for disposal of garbage, electronic waste, etc. The church also sold lunch and refreshments as part of the fundraiser. So I decided to rent a table and declutter some of my house. Last year at this time, I had gone through my music collection and put together piles of flute music, piano music and vocal music that I was willing to part with. At my table, I had baskets of music for sale. I was pleased with what I sold. Yes, some of my articles came back home with me but they just went back into the closets and cupboards where they came from. I was at the sale from 9 a.m. through to about 2:00 p.m. It wiped it me out and I was too tired to do much the next day.
I have been busy in my gardens harvesting tomatoes, beans, garlic, parsley, sage and onions. I need to do a major clean up as some of the gardens have not been touched this summer. Lots of weeding to be done. I am slowly catching up. Throughout the summer, I have been able to putter around and do the weeding but it is always dependent on my energy levels. I'm noticing that my endurance is getting better. I really enjoy working outdoors. I listen to the birds. I've had chickadees perch almost beside my shoulder in the trees. They chirp at me as I pull weeds. This past week, I cleaned up an area of the flowerbed that hasn't been touched in a few years. I was able to dig out some persistent weeds and tubers of plants. I transplanted some new plants into the area.
While I was away in August, I had one cherry tomato plant that exploded in growth. I have been picking my tomatoes regularly as they ripen. I have made lots of tomato sauce and frozen many of the tomatoes. The weather cooled down this past week and so I decided to harvest the rest of the tomatoes off this one plant (I still have 5 other cherry tomato plants to tackle). I ended up with at least 16 quarts of green tomatoes. On Saturday, I made and canned a batch (8 quarts of green tomatoes) of Green Tomato Chow Chow. It is a recipe that I use out of our church cookbook that we published in 2004. The recipes in the book were all original or "heirloom" recipes (handed down through the families). A lady in my congregation indicated the Green Tomato Chow Chow was her great-grandmother's recipe. Her great-grandmother had lived in New Brunswick. On Saturday, the house smelled wonderful with the scents of onion, tomato, cider vinegar. This is like a chunky relish and it has a spicy bite to it. I love it on sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers and on top of meats. I will be starting another batch tonight to use up the rest of the green tomatoes I harvested on Friday.
It is raining here today and is supposed to rain tomorrow as well. This will give me the opportunity to clean the house and catch up on indoor "chores". Thanksgiving is approaching this coming weekend and I want to get some baking done for that as well. In the last couple of weeks, I've been enjoying life with friends. There have been some small campfires here and at our friends' home. I find it mesmerizing and relaxing to watch the flames dance around the logs. I love seeing the blue hues as gases are released from the wood. It is the time of year though, where I feel my hips getting cold while we are around the fire. Out come the old blankets and afghans to wrap around me so I can enjoy these last days of summer.
Yesterday, Hubby took me out on The Goldwing for a brief ride. The weather was forecasted to be overcast with sunny breaks but no rain until late in the evening. The temperature yesterday afternoon was supposed to reach 15 degrees Celsius. We bundled up with in layers and with the inner linings in our motorcycle jackets. Off we went. We travelled north of the city so that we could see the changing leaves. We will have to go out again in a week or so because the leaves were just starting to change colour. We travelled through one of our favourite areas near Desert Lake. The road is full of hills and is twisting with some sharp turns. As you come over the top of a hill, you see a lake at the bottom and the road will turn 90 degrees to go around the tip of the lake. It is a beautiful ride. As we climbed a hill on this road, we saw 4 deer off to the right grazing on some uncut grass near a cottage. A little further along, we had to slow down as rafter (flock) of wild turkeys crossed the road. As we continued our ride, a mist developed. Enough moisture was falling that my helmet and the windscreen on the bike were covered in water. Hubby turned towards home. Once we arrived back in the city, we went to our local butcher and picked up a piece of rib eye steak to barbecue for dinner. I didn't realize it until this morning, but yesterday was my 11 month celebration of my stem cell transplant. Hubby recognized the significance of the date yesterday. Hence, the steak and fun ride to celebrate life.
I also finally had my hair cut in the style I had before my diagnosis a year ago. It has taken this long for the hair to grow in even enough to style. I had it trimmed in June but that was just to even the hair out. My hair dresser indicated on Thursday that the hair is still coming in but she was able to cut it and make it look good. She praised me on my patience while it grew in. I was not liking how it was bushy as it got longer. After she cut my hair on Thursday, the floor of the salon was filled with tight, red curls. I've gone back to short hair on the sides and back with the hair being longer on top. This way, I will still have my natural waves (maybe tight curls) on the top. I don't like hair hanging in my face and it had got long enough on the sides that the curls were curling into my face and eyes. I'm happy. I never really complained bitterly about my hair looking bushy and a bit like a clown because....it's hair! It was better than not having any hair and being a cue ball.
So I sign off on this dreary day. It's time to get to "work", be active and enjoy the simple things in life.
Saturday, 15 September 2018
Rituxan Maintenance Treatment and Subsequent Effects
When I went to my oncologist appointment on Wednesday, I mentioned my concerns about infections to him. The good news is that I have managed to keep my weight somewhat stable since June. The reality is I had gained weight while on holidays (lots of restaurant eating) and have managed to lose most of it. My blood levels seem to be good. Due to my concerns about infections, the doctor is having another blood test done on blood that was taken just before my rituxan treatment on Thursday. After my appointment on Wednesday, I really enjoyed seeing some of my co-workers and my manager from my job in the Tuck Shop at the hospital. Before I worked at the hospital, it had the association of chemotherapy treatments and negative feelings. Now, I look forward to seeing the people that I have worked with and also other employees in the hospital that I used to always greet with a smile. They still remember me! It warms my heart.
My rituxan maintenance treatment was on Thursday. Thursday morning, I had a wonderful time with a friend of mine who I play music with. We made some music (and some mistakes) and shared laughter and friendship. Due to my eyes, we weren't able to play for the full hour so we then continued to share our friendship over a cup of tea. Before I knew it, it was time for me to leave. The morning went so quickly! I drove home, had some lunch and then caught the bus to the hospital. I deliberately arrived early because I wanted to visit with more co-workers and also drop in on the stem cell unit. I went up to Kidd 4 where I always went for my stem cell appointments. What a shock and surprise to see the office completely cleared out. They have obviously moved to somewhere else in the hospital. Eventually, I found out they were up on Kidd 9. The elevators were very busy and I knew that I would make it up to Kidd 9 quicker by taking the stairs. Well.....I was reminded that I'm still not in the best shape. I was huffing and puffing by the time I reached Kidd 7. Two more flights of stairs to go!!! I was glad there was no one else around as I sucked air greedily. I bent over to catch my breath. I considered sitting down on the steps to rest but realized that I might have trouble getting back up and going. So after a brief respite, I continued on. By the time I reached the stem cell unit, I truly was in need of a chair. Despite my breathlessness, the nurses were really pleased with how I looked. I'm looking very healthy. Of course, I do have rosy cheeks, but my face might have been a little more ruddy and red due to the climb up the steps. I had a lovely visit with the nurses. They were in awe of how much hair I have and how curly it is. Truthfully, it is in need of a trim. That will take place next week....at the hospital hair salon. After my visit in the stem cell unit, I purposely looked for one of my co-workers that I haven't seen in a long time. I found her. We had a brief visit as my chemo lab appointment was coming up quickly. Off I went in my usual brisk walk over to the Cancer Centre.
My appointment was for 2:00. I arrived slightly before as I needed to register at the front desk first. I had the same lady handle my registration as I did on Wednesday when I registered for my doctor's appointment. I then made my way up to the chemo lab. In 2012, I used to have anxiety when I went for chemo appointments. Even as recently as last year, I can remember being in the midst of chemo treatments and having anxiety and feeling ill while waiting for my appointment. On Thursday, it was just like a routine doctor's visit. When the nurse called my name, I looked up and didn't recognize her. She recognized me though. Because on Wednesday, blood had been taking out of my right arm, the nurse wanted to insert the IV into my left arm. She wasn't pleased about the choices of veins, so she saw a vein on the inside of my wrist that she thought might work. As she inserted the needle, I felt it sting like never before. I mentioned it to her and she thought everything was fine. She took the blood needed for the blood test and then went to flush the site. The pain was very uncomfortable. I have had many flushes in the last year and it has never hurt like that. I mentioned again that it was very sore. The nurse just thought I was extra sensitive.....until she looked at the site. It was swelling and already bruised looking. The flush was not going into the vein! She took the IV out and decided to go for the vein on the top of my left hand. This worked better. My treatment took 2 1/2 hours to complete which took me to 4:30 p.m. The nurse was finished her shift at 4:00 p.m. She packed up her stuff and went. The "late shift" nurse took over. I have had her work with me before. I do remember her. When she came to take out my IV at the end of my treatment, she also took off the covering over the original site on the inside of my wrist. It was very swollen, red and purple. She was concerned. She suggested that perhaps I should keep my ID bracelet on in case I need to make an emergency visit....in case I get phlebitis or cellulitis. I've had both in the past. I had phlebitis when my son was born by C-section 24 years ago. I had cellulitis last August in my chemo treatment cycle. So I'm spending my weekend keeping a close eye on that left wrist.
After my chemo appointment on Thursday, a very good friend came down to the Cancer Centre to drive me home. The benadryl that is always given to me before the treatment had put me into a very tired mode. Thursday night, I was in bed by 8:00. Hubby tucked me in and told me on Friday morning that I wasn't making much sense when I went to bed Thursday night. Yesterday, I did 2 loads of laundry and picked some more tomatoes. That was enough. My wrist was swelling up. I wanted to play piano but again, the wrist was not up to the activity. Last night, it was aching enough to keep me awake. This morning, I am fighting a headache which is a side effect of the rituxan. I'm also feeling weary. I've done a load of laundry early this morning and hung it outside. These were clothes and blankets from our little campfire last Saturday. I needed to get them washed to get rid of the campfire smoke smell. I really like seeing my wash hang on the line. For some reason, it gives me great satisfaction to hang it up and then watch it sway in the breeze. Although today, there is not that much of a breeze. If the wash doesn't dry completely by the end of the day, I'll throw it in the dryer.
I was hoping to cut the grass today too but I seem to have run out of energy. I will be taking some tylenol to fight the headache that is just there. It doesn't help that there is hammering and noise going on as we have a leak fixed in the roof. I haven't heard Hubby or the man who's working on the roof fall off. This is always my fear. So I'm having a fairly uneventful weekend. I'm hoping that I'll be able to go to church tomorrow. I like seeing the people in my church. It is like an extended family and I know they truly care about each other. I went last week and met our new minister for the first time. I really, really liked her sermon and her manner. It makes me want to go back. We'll see how I'm doing tomorrow.
My rituxan maintenance treatment was on Thursday. Thursday morning, I had a wonderful time with a friend of mine who I play music with. We made some music (and some mistakes) and shared laughter and friendship. Due to my eyes, we weren't able to play for the full hour so we then continued to share our friendship over a cup of tea. Before I knew it, it was time for me to leave. The morning went so quickly! I drove home, had some lunch and then caught the bus to the hospital. I deliberately arrived early because I wanted to visit with more co-workers and also drop in on the stem cell unit. I went up to Kidd 4 where I always went for my stem cell appointments. What a shock and surprise to see the office completely cleared out. They have obviously moved to somewhere else in the hospital. Eventually, I found out they were up on Kidd 9. The elevators were very busy and I knew that I would make it up to Kidd 9 quicker by taking the stairs. Well.....I was reminded that I'm still not in the best shape. I was huffing and puffing by the time I reached Kidd 7. Two more flights of stairs to go!!! I was glad there was no one else around as I sucked air greedily. I bent over to catch my breath. I considered sitting down on the steps to rest but realized that I might have trouble getting back up and going. So after a brief respite, I continued on. By the time I reached the stem cell unit, I truly was in need of a chair. Despite my breathlessness, the nurses were really pleased with how I looked. I'm looking very healthy. Of course, I do have rosy cheeks, but my face might have been a little more ruddy and red due to the climb up the steps. I had a lovely visit with the nurses. They were in awe of how much hair I have and how curly it is. Truthfully, it is in need of a trim. That will take place next week....at the hospital hair salon. After my visit in the stem cell unit, I purposely looked for one of my co-workers that I haven't seen in a long time. I found her. We had a brief visit as my chemo lab appointment was coming up quickly. Off I went in my usual brisk walk over to the Cancer Centre.
My appointment was for 2:00. I arrived slightly before as I needed to register at the front desk first. I had the same lady handle my registration as I did on Wednesday when I registered for my doctor's appointment. I then made my way up to the chemo lab. In 2012, I used to have anxiety when I went for chemo appointments. Even as recently as last year, I can remember being in the midst of chemo treatments and having anxiety and feeling ill while waiting for my appointment. On Thursday, it was just like a routine doctor's visit. When the nurse called my name, I looked up and didn't recognize her. She recognized me though. Because on Wednesday, blood had been taking out of my right arm, the nurse wanted to insert the IV into my left arm. She wasn't pleased about the choices of veins, so she saw a vein on the inside of my wrist that she thought might work. As she inserted the needle, I felt it sting like never before. I mentioned it to her and she thought everything was fine. She took the blood needed for the blood test and then went to flush the site. The pain was very uncomfortable. I have had many flushes in the last year and it has never hurt like that. I mentioned again that it was very sore. The nurse just thought I was extra sensitive.....until she looked at the site. It was swelling and already bruised looking. The flush was not going into the vein! She took the IV out and decided to go for the vein on the top of my left hand. This worked better. My treatment took 2 1/2 hours to complete which took me to 4:30 p.m. The nurse was finished her shift at 4:00 p.m. She packed up her stuff and went. The "late shift" nurse took over. I have had her work with me before. I do remember her. When she came to take out my IV at the end of my treatment, she also took off the covering over the original site on the inside of my wrist. It was very swollen, red and purple. She was concerned. She suggested that perhaps I should keep my ID bracelet on in case I need to make an emergency visit....in case I get phlebitis or cellulitis. I've had both in the past. I had phlebitis when my son was born by C-section 24 years ago. I had cellulitis last August in my chemo treatment cycle. So I'm spending my weekend keeping a close eye on that left wrist.
After my chemo appointment on Thursday, a very good friend came down to the Cancer Centre to drive me home. The benadryl that is always given to me before the treatment had put me into a very tired mode. Thursday night, I was in bed by 8:00. Hubby tucked me in and told me on Friday morning that I wasn't making much sense when I went to bed Thursday night. Yesterday, I did 2 loads of laundry and picked some more tomatoes. That was enough. My wrist was swelling up. I wanted to play piano but again, the wrist was not up to the activity. Last night, it was aching enough to keep me awake. This morning, I am fighting a headache which is a side effect of the rituxan. I'm also feeling weary. I've done a load of laundry early this morning and hung it outside. These were clothes and blankets from our little campfire last Saturday. I needed to get them washed to get rid of the campfire smoke smell. I really like seeing my wash hang on the line. For some reason, it gives me great satisfaction to hang it up and then watch it sway in the breeze. Although today, there is not that much of a breeze. If the wash doesn't dry completely by the end of the day, I'll throw it in the dryer.
I was hoping to cut the grass today too but I seem to have run out of energy. I will be taking some tylenol to fight the headache that is just there. It doesn't help that there is hammering and noise going on as we have a leak fixed in the roof. I haven't heard Hubby or the man who's working on the roof fall off. This is always my fear. So I'm having a fairly uneventful weekend. I'm hoping that I'll be able to go to church tomorrow. I like seeing the people in my church. It is like an extended family and I know they truly care about each other. I went last week and met our new minister for the first time. I really, really liked her sermon and her manner. It makes me want to go back. We'll see how I'm doing tomorrow.
Tuesday, 11 September 2018
Reality Check and Anxiety
As my blog has shown, I have had a fantastic time of relief from doctors' appointments, tests and treatments. I have enjoyed a great holiday, outings with friends and visits with friends and family. I've lived in the moment and lived one day at a time. Carpe diem....seize the day...wring as much joy out of my existence as I can.
I knew that I had another rituxan maintenance chemo treatment coming up in September. I thought it would be the end of September. I got a reality check yesterday afternoon when the chemo lab called with my appointment for my treatment. It is on Thursday.....of this week. As usual, I will have a check up with my oncologist the day before.....that's tomorrow.
This reality check came after another weekend of fun with my hubby and with friends. I went to the Craft Beer and Ribfest on Saturday afternoon, had a campfire with really good friends on Saturday night and went with Hubby to the Multicultural Festival on Sunday. This was after finally making it to church on Sunday morning where I met up with my "church family" who I haven't seen in many months. It was a morning full of warmth and love. I enjoyed the food and activity at the Multicultural Festival. But....while I enjoyed my weekend, I also was struggling with an eye infection which has now spread to both eyes. I also had an infection develop in a scratch on my hand while I was away on holidays. The scratch has fully healed but these infections worry me because it is a reminder that my immune system is not 100%. I think this is only the third eye infection in my life. I bought drops on Sunday but they don't seem to be helping. I will be mentioning this to my oncologist tomorrow.
My sudden appointments this week and the eye infections are a harsh reminder that all is not rosy in my world. I can live life to the fullest. This is not keeping me down but it is a reminder that my immune system is not and may not ever function at 100%. This is a reminder that, yes, there is no cure for the follicular lymphoma. This is a reminder that my life is probably shortened and I need to live just one day at a time. So I'm in the process of making arrangements for transportation to my treatment on Thursday. I can drive myself there but my mind will be impaired after the treatment and I probably shouldn't drive home. As a compromise and so I am not an imposition, I will probably take the bus to my treatment. Then I just need to find a ride home.
So after living life fully for the summer, I am back to living with some anxiety regarding infections. Is this a downturn of my health? Is the lymphoma working on me more again? Will I have to go for more tests again? I find it ironic that this all is happening as our weather has turned cool, grey, dreary and rainy. I am not going to wallow in this dreary, emotional place but I am acknowledging it so that I can move upwards and onwards. The rituxan treatment will make me feel like I have the flu and I will be very tired. I will feel cold. I will ache. I will have headaches/sinus aches. I may feel nauseous again. On Thursday, I will receive some benadryl before the treatment which will make me very tired and sleepy.
As I was writing this last paragraph, it is grey and raining outside. I looked out my living room window from my couch and I saw two small children waiting for the school bus across the street. They are wearing brightly coloured boots that popped against the grey morning. The little boy is wearing a bright blue raincoat. His older sister is wearing a bright pink scarf at the neck of her dark blue raincoat. Their mom is waiting with them and has rusty coloured lab-kind of dog on a leash. The dog is bright eyed and alert as he/she hears the bus coming. The ears are pointed forward as he/she looks up the street. The tail is up and alert.This was a beautiful splash of colour in life that has appeared just as I was feeling sorry for myself.
Life is worth living each day fully. I do have a raincoat. Perhaps I'll put it on and go for a walk in the drizzle. I need to pick up a bicycle helmet so that I can take out my "new" (to me) bike and learn to ride again. Or I'll put on my raincoat and play in my garden in the drizzle. Fear can take me to a dark place if I let it. I am not going to let it take me there. So yes....I've had a reality check and reminder of how things are and may be. I have no timeline except for the appointments this week. So why waste a day feeling sorry for myself when I can seize it and walk in the rain. According to the television, it will be warmer today. Why not indulge and walk in the rain. Maybe go geocaching. Maybe pick more tomatoes. Maybe just walk. Maybe I'll just buy myself some nice bright red rubber boots like the little girl across the street. Carpe diem....seize the day!
I knew that I had another rituxan maintenance chemo treatment coming up in September. I thought it would be the end of September. I got a reality check yesterday afternoon when the chemo lab called with my appointment for my treatment. It is on Thursday.....of this week. As usual, I will have a check up with my oncologist the day before.....that's tomorrow.
This reality check came after another weekend of fun with my hubby and with friends. I went to the Craft Beer and Ribfest on Saturday afternoon, had a campfire with really good friends on Saturday night and went with Hubby to the Multicultural Festival on Sunday. This was after finally making it to church on Sunday morning where I met up with my "church family" who I haven't seen in many months. It was a morning full of warmth and love. I enjoyed the food and activity at the Multicultural Festival. But....while I enjoyed my weekend, I also was struggling with an eye infection which has now spread to both eyes. I also had an infection develop in a scratch on my hand while I was away on holidays. The scratch has fully healed but these infections worry me because it is a reminder that my immune system is not 100%. I think this is only the third eye infection in my life. I bought drops on Sunday but they don't seem to be helping. I will be mentioning this to my oncologist tomorrow.
My sudden appointments this week and the eye infections are a harsh reminder that all is not rosy in my world. I can live life to the fullest. This is not keeping me down but it is a reminder that my immune system is not and may not ever function at 100%. This is a reminder that, yes, there is no cure for the follicular lymphoma. This is a reminder that my life is probably shortened and I need to live just one day at a time. So I'm in the process of making arrangements for transportation to my treatment on Thursday. I can drive myself there but my mind will be impaired after the treatment and I probably shouldn't drive home. As a compromise and so I am not an imposition, I will probably take the bus to my treatment. Then I just need to find a ride home.
So after living life fully for the summer, I am back to living with some anxiety regarding infections. Is this a downturn of my health? Is the lymphoma working on me more again? Will I have to go for more tests again? I find it ironic that this all is happening as our weather has turned cool, grey, dreary and rainy. I am not going to wallow in this dreary, emotional place but I am acknowledging it so that I can move upwards and onwards. The rituxan treatment will make me feel like I have the flu and I will be very tired. I will feel cold. I will ache. I will have headaches/sinus aches. I may feel nauseous again. On Thursday, I will receive some benadryl before the treatment which will make me very tired and sleepy.
As I was writing this last paragraph, it is grey and raining outside. I looked out my living room window from my couch and I saw two small children waiting for the school bus across the street. They are wearing brightly coloured boots that popped against the grey morning. The little boy is wearing a bright blue raincoat. His older sister is wearing a bright pink scarf at the neck of her dark blue raincoat. Their mom is waiting with them and has rusty coloured lab-kind of dog on a leash. The dog is bright eyed and alert as he/she hears the bus coming. The ears are pointed forward as he/she looks up the street. The tail is up and alert.This was a beautiful splash of colour in life that has appeared just as I was feeling sorry for myself.
Life is worth living each day fully. I do have a raincoat. Perhaps I'll put it on and go for a walk in the drizzle. I need to pick up a bicycle helmet so that I can take out my "new" (to me) bike and learn to ride again. Or I'll put on my raincoat and play in my garden in the drizzle. Fear can take me to a dark place if I let it. I am not going to let it take me there. So yes....I've had a reality check and reminder of how things are and may be. I have no timeline except for the appointments this week. So why waste a day feeling sorry for myself when I can seize it and walk in the rain. According to the television, it will be warmer today. Why not indulge and walk in the rain. Maybe go geocaching. Maybe pick more tomatoes. Maybe just walk. Maybe I'll just buy myself some nice bright red rubber boots like the little girl across the street. Carpe diem....seize the day!
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