Monday, 7 May 2012

Day 12 - 6th Chemo Cycle

I didn't sleep well last night.  Yesterday my brain was trying to come up with creative ways that I could stimulate my fundraising efforts and my team's fundraising efforts for the Relay For Life.  Other teams are having garage sales, bbq's, car washes, etc to help raise money.  Unfortunately, I don't have the energy to organize something big like that so I've been trying to think of other ways that don't involve a lot of effort.  So I didn't sleep well because I had a cup of coffee last evening and I couldn't turn my brain off.  I didn't fall asleep until 2 a.m. and then I woke up at 6.

I made myself a poached egg on toast for breakfast.  I like that every once in awhile.  I guess my husband and two children had never seen me have it before.  So I had an audience while I cooked a simple poached egg.  It was kind of nice have them be interested enough to watch and learn.  Making breakfast tired me out but I had already started laundering my sheets.  By the time I hung them outside to dry, I was really tired.  So then I caught up with my emails.

It was another warm and sunny day so I spent some time just sitting outside watching the wildlife.  A crow was circling through the area and I think it was probably looking to raid some nests.  Certainly the other birds were disturbed with his presence and they kept chasing him away.  As I watched and listened, my thoughts also returned to my fundraising.  Normally at this time of year, I would be picking my rhubarb and making cakes, muffins, breads and freezing it.  I don't have the energy to do any of that this year.  So I thought, maybe I can sell my rhubarb in bundles and that's how I can raise some money for Relay For Life.

This thought led to the evolution of how would I sell it.  How would I draw people in to sell it?  It's not like I'm going out to work and have co-workers to try to hock the rhubarb to.  The next thought was, "Why not make a sign and set up a stand in the driveway?"  This prompted me to look for material around the house/garage that I could make a sign from.  I found a cardboard box that our laundry sink had come in from the store.  If I cut one side  and paint the inside panel white, then I can paint the words in red and it will stand out.  So I took my husband's drywall knife and cut off one complete side of the box.  I then went into the crawl space and found my 20+ year old oil paint kit.  Most of the oil paints were dried out and useless.  I did find one large bottle of white paint that was salvageable.  Now I went in search for a large brush and a smaller brush.  Lo and behold, I found them in another one of my husband's tool hideaways.

My next step was to find a drop sheet so that I can paint the cardboard.  I found one and also dug out my surgical latex gloves to keep my hands clean.  I took advantage of the warm day and set everything up on the patio.  By the time I finished painting my cardboard white, I was exhausted.  I was so tired that I felt a little nauseous.  Oops....I overdid it.  So I stopped and just let the cardboard dry.  I made some lunch and rested while I ate.

I really wanted to lay down and take a nap but I couldn't because I was the family taxi driver today.  I'm frustrated because really I didn't "do" that much based on what I used to be able to do.  I used to work at a quick pace and always felt like I accomplished something.  Now I'm having trouble just making a meal and eating it.  Anyway, I sat and rested until it was time to pick my children up from school and run them to their separate activities.

Perhaps it was because I was tired today, but my brain seems to be more forgetful.  I have words pop out of my mouth that make no sense in the sentence that I'm using them in.  Even as I say the word, I know that it is not the one that I meant to use.  But I can't think of the word that I'm wanting.  This drives me insane.  Am I losing my mind?  I've heard that people get "chemo brain" and that it is like living in a fog.  Is this what's going on with me?  Or is my body so tired out from the six cycles of chemotherapy that it's affecting my cognitive abilities?  It's hard enough to adjust to less energy but I don't want to lose my mind.

As far as my sign that I started working on today, I'll let it dry completely and then go to the next step.  All I can do is try.  If I don't sell any rhubarb, then it will already be in bundles and I will drop it off at the local soup kitchen for them to use.  We'll have to wait and see what happens.

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