Day 1 - The downslide begins

I had some nausea in the middle of the night and needed a supplemental nausea pill. I did not enjoy my breakfast this morning and my appetite was slightly decreased as the day wore on.

This morning, I had the routine medicals prods and checks. I am being given 2 hours of saline solution every morning now for the next little bit. So this morning, I spent my time knitting and walking until lunch time.

I had my lunch which was light and sat well with me which was nice. Then this afternoon, it was wonderful to have visitors. One arrived right after lunch and then just as he was leaving another couple of friends arrived and stayed until close to dinner time. Then Hubby arrived and shared dinner time with me.  After dinner, we spent some time playing cribbage and chatting although we also did a few laps of the floor so that I could walk out the swelling that is still in my abdomen and upper legs.

Today, along with the decreased appetite, I was having plenty of trips to the washroom. This will be watched closely by the staff and there is a plan in place to deal with it all. I don't like this part of the process and it is only starting. I have been assured that I will have meds to help with it all at the appropriate time.

Hubby was here for the night change in the nursing shift. After the new nurse had checked all my vital signs and left, Hubby got his things together and went home. It is garbage night and our cat, Frodo, is needing his nightly cuddle time.

Stem Cell Transplant Day - Called Day 0

With all the heavy rain and some anxiety about today, I didn't sleep very well last night. This morning I was given 2 hours of IV saline solution before heading down to the Stem Cell Unit for my transplant.

Hubby and I walked to the elevators and went down to the Stem Cell Unit. The transplant was pretty uneventful and a bit of a anti-climax. I was given Benadryl through IV and in no time, I was falling asleep. The nurses did their best to keep me alert and awake. I was back in the elevators heading up to my room with Hubby by 2:30 and then I slept for a couple of hours.

The stem cells were preserved using some kind of corn mixture and so now I am emitting the smell of creamed corn from my pores. This will apparently continue for about 2 days. I don't notice it but the nurses and hubby did.

This morning while on the IV saline solution, I did deliver a few pairs of socks for the upcoming Hospital Auxiliary Bazaar at the end of November. And I have started another pair of small size socks (the first sock) which will also go to the bazaar.

I'm on a high protein, high calorie diet to get me through the phase where I will lose weight. I'm struggling to eat everything that is added to my order by my nutritionist. Tonight, she added Ensure as well as a night time snack of cheese and crackers. I managed to eat my supper but the Ensure was my night time snack. I will probably have the cheese and crackers in the morning as breakfast is always served a little later here.

Thank you to all my friends and family that have been sending words and cards of encouragement as well as comments after these posts. It helps to know there is all this support. I have a great health care team working with me and friends that have been and will be coming to visit. Thank you is not adequate to express myself but there it is.

Day Minus 1 - Trying to Pass the Time

Overnight last night, I had a disrupted night. I am battling some constipation due to the anti-nausea drugs that I am on. I am bloating and swelling due to the constipation but also due to the liquid + saline IV that I was on for the last 4 days.

To reduce the swelling, I have to walk. To move my bowels, I have to walk and drink lots of liquids and I am doing that. This morning, I was a little unsteady on my feet so while I was alone, I stayed on my floor and walked laps. Once Hubby arrived to visit for the day, I could leave the floor with him walking with me. We continued to explore the hospital and walk as briskly as I could. My ankles were less swollen but my stomach to my knees are still swollen. So I continue to walk.

Our (Hubby and I) day was spent walking, playing cribbage, eating lunch, more walking, sitting and chatting in my room and more walking. I have a good view of the Queens soccer field and it was interesting to see soccer and rugby games being played in the pouring rain.

Late this afternoon, my nurse came in and chatted and visited with us. We got to know more about each other and it helped pass the late afternoon lull that we were experiencing. She's a lovely young lady and I thoroughly have enjoyed her as she has worked with me today. A sense of humour goes a long way to making a stay a bit better.

I finished the second sock in the large pair that I was knitting so this pair is ready for the Bazaar. Hubby left just as my dinner arrived. He took my laundry home to wash for me. It needs to be washed twice in hot water to kill the chemicals that I am emitting from my pores. He will bring it back tomorrow for me. Last night I found it hard to walk to the end of the hallway as he left. The walk back to my room seemed very lonely. Tonight we just said goodbye in the room. Because I'm toxic, he can't really touch me but we do say goodbye with a fist bump.

I'm hoping I may have visitors tonight still. A couple of very good friends are employees here and may come to visit during their break. Definitely, tomorrow my very best friend will be coming to visit me in the morning. She most likely will arrive to see me hooked back up to IV fluid in preparation for my stem cell transplant tomorrow at 12:30.

This evening I may pass the time working on my Sudoku book, Crossword book or colouring in my colouring book.

Day Minus 2 - Swelling, Walking, Visiting

The swelling from yesterday has continued. It started to reach my hands but then I started knitting again and the moving of the fingers has helped reduce the swelling in my fingers. At about 1:30 p.m. I was disconnected from the IV and this allowed me to walk more easily and be up and down and moving. The swelling is still there but I'll be working on moving around to reduce it. As was asked after yesterday's post, the swelling is due to all the saline solution and fluids that have been constantly pumped into me since Wednesday night.

Hubby came by to spend the afternoon and part of the evening with me. Last night I started having trembling and shaking in my hands and a feeling of trembling inside my body. As a result, I need to have someone walk with me at all times until this trembling/shaking is gone. The nurses are afraid it my attack my knees and I could collapse. We're not sure what is causing the trembling. At first, we thought it was fatigue but it doesn't appear to make a difference. Then we wondered if it was low blood sugar near mealtimes and snacks. That doesn't seem to make a difference. We're keeping an eye on it. So I got off track a little. Hubby was my walking companion. We have been exploring different areas in the hospital and learning about the history of the hospital. The days can be long. When hubby and I return from our walks, he checks Facebook and I go back to knitting with my feet up. Today hubby brought a deck of cards from home for me to play solitaire by myself when I have no one here. Tonight, we played "Go Fish". We haven't played this for many, many years and it took some time for the rules to reassert themselves in my mind. Tomorrow hubby is going to bring the cribbage board and we can play cribbage together.

This morning I received a really nice phone call from my daughter. She had only a small amount of time to chat but it was really lovely to hear her voice and have a brief visit. Speaking of visits, I had a very good friend who works at the hospital come by on her break to visit. We had a lovely time and caught up on how all our various children are doing. Hopefully, she will be able to visit again tomorrow and maybe have one of her daughters with her. This family is a lovely, warm and caring group. I've known them for several years and always enjoy seeing them. Visitors help make the time here go by more quickly

I am now on a high protein and high calorie diet after having met with the nutrition yesterday. This is in an effort to keep my weight up and also help my red blood cells and platelets rebound after the transplant on Monday. I'm a little concerned about the next week to 2 weeks and how bad I will feel. It's a good thing I'm in the hospital as the nurses are taking wonderful care of me. I have a great health care team. I see a doctor or a resident doctor every day. The nurses are very caring and attentive. This relieves the worries in my mind and helps me stay calm. I truly feel like I am on a ride and we'll see where it takes me. Does it take me down into the low valleys? Then will the ride travel along in the low valley for a week? Does the ride take a steep climb up to the regular level or does it take a slow, gradual climb up the steep hill? However the ride goes, I'm in good hands. I'm in God's hands. I'm in the hands of my health care team. Perhaps it is God working through the health care team and they are God's hands. I like that thought and I feel calmed.

It's now getting close to my bedtime so I must sign off and start my bedtime routine which includes a mouth rinse that I need to do at least 4 times each day. This will help to keep the mouth sores (canker sores inside the mouth). It was hard to say good bye to my hubby tonight. I'll see him tomorrow though.

High Dose Chemo Minus 3

I noticed last night and again throughout today that my lower legs, ankles and toes are swelling. Yesterday I had to sit all day due to the length of the high dose chemo. Today's dose was only 45 minutes long. So after my last chemo session (hopefully the last one ever) and then after my medications and my lunch, I went for a long walk throughout the hospital. I'm keeping my legs raised and going walking in the effort to lessen the swelling. I dropped in and visited with my old volunteers in the Tuck Shop and also some regular customers. I walked over to the chemo lab in the Cancer Centre to say hello to the nurses who looked after me earlier in this journey of cancer. Only one nurse I knew was there. She smiled at me as she worked with her current cancer patient. I was attempting to walk briskly and was running out of breath quickly. My hubby was with me and suggest I could slow down. I want to get myself back into shape and keep walking even as I was tiring. I did receive some encouragement from one of the porters that I know from working at the hospital. I dropped in to see the volunteers in the Gift Shop. I then returned to my room. I did go for another couple of shorter walks later on in the afternoon.

I met with the nutritionist who works on the floor that I'm staying in. I am on a high protein diet. I get to choose my menu for my lunches and my dinners. Tonight I had a high fiber Tilapia dinner with wild rice, steamed broccoli and corn. I noticed that a high protein snack was added to my meal for later. It is peanut butter and crackers with a 2% milk.  The hospital food isn't that bad. Maybe this is because I'm not tired of it yet.

I'm on constant IV fluids to keep me hydrated and my potassium and magnesium up to where they need to be. There is a chart in my room to compare my blood levels every day. This means that blood is taken from me everyday to check the levels and I will be able to see when they go down. I have been told that it is normal for people to get blood transfusions to bring up the red blood cell counts and the platelet counts.

I apparently will feel good this weekend but by next weekend, I will be feeling ill and will go downhill after that for another 7-14 days before my counts rebound.

I am tired and bored. However, I do have things to occupy my time. So far I've continued knitting my socks and reading in the evening before bedtime. I have some colouring books and pencil crayons but I haven't coloured yet. I also have some magazines that I could read. I'm sure I'll get to doing these activities before I leave the hospital.

High Dose Chemo Day Minus 4

As it was explained to me this morning, my stem cell transplant on Monday is considered Day 0. The days before that day are in the minuses. Today is Minus 4, tomorrow is Minus 3, etc.

Last night I went to bed at 10:30. The nurse had to take my vitals (temperature, blood pressure and heart rate). She had to do this again around 4 a.m. when she hooked me up to a saline solution to enter me through my picc line. I also had the on call doctor come in during the night (maybe midnight?) to check me over as part of the admissions process. When she entered my room, it scared me and I yelled out. Also during the night, there was an announcement for the whole hospital regarding a Code White. This woke me and startled me. Needless to say, it was a disrupted night's sleep. I am well aware that I will have disrupted sleeps while here because the nurse has to check my vital statistics every 4 hours to make sure I'm not coming down with an infection.

So this morning I had to go for a chest x-ray so they have a baseline to show and compare if I get an infection. As I waited for my breakfast and my chest x-ray, I started another pair of socks. This time I'm knitting a large pair (size 9-10). I had my breakfast of a bowl of cornflakes with milk, 2% milk, raisin scone with margarine, a serving of cheese and a coffee. After breakfast, the porter, who I know, took me down for my x-rays. We chatted about the Kingston Frontenacs all the way down. I had my x-rays done and on the ceiling in the x-ray room was a painting of Calvin & Hobbes. I mentioned to the x-ray technician that I love Calvin & Hobbes. She admitted that she painted the tile using a projector. She admitted that she has done some other paintings on the ceilings in the hospital. As she took me back to the area for me to wait for the porter, she pointed out other drawings on the ceilings that have been done by child patients and their families. There were hand prints and feet prints that have been painted to look like elephants and giraffes and zebras. It was so cool to see these paintings. Anyway, I knew the porter that took me back up to my room. As we were navigating the hallways, I kept seeing other employees and volunteers that I knew. The porter was nice enough to stop and allow a short hello conversation.

After getting back to my room, I was hooked up to IV liquids and given some anti-nausea pills (Ondansetron, Emend, Dexamethasone) and Benadryl an hour before the chemo was to be injected. The chemo didn't start until 2 p.m. It is an 8 hour session, so even as I blog this tonight, I'm still have chemo pumped into me.

I've spent my day knitting and sitting quietly with my hubby in my room. I've enjoyed a surprise visit from my co-workers and volunteers where they presented me with an absolutely beautiful prayer shawl that has hearts and a cross and an angel attached at the ends. It's very soft and very warm. What a lovely gift that means so much! Just as that group was leaving another volunteer that I worked with arrived to visit briefly. She had been volunteering today in another area of the hospital and stopped in on her way home. What a thoughtful thing to do when she was tired.

I'm tired tonight. I've knitted most of the day. I'm ready to go to sleep but the chemo still has 30 minutes to go before it's done. Today's been a good day. I do need help to change because my picc line will have an IV in it that my shirt needs to navigate around and then my nightgown sleeve needs to navigate around the picc line and IV. I'll be getting the nurse to help me.

The nurses believe that I won't start feeling poorly until next Thursday or Friday. We'll see.

Admissions Day

I awoke this morning and waited by the phone while I knitted my socks. I was waiting for the phone to ring and tell me that a bed was available for me at the hospital. I knitted and watched television while I waited for the phone to ring.

A friend contacted me to see if I wanted company. I said "Sure, come on over. I'm waiting for the hospital to call me." As soon as she indicated she was on her way, the phone rang. It was the Admissions Department of the hospital telling me there was a bed available. I asked if it was a private or semi-private room. I lucked out and got a private room. I had to report to the hospital after supper.

Hubby and I had decided that we would have our "last supper" at Darbar if the hospital called during the day. I had most of my belongings packed and ready to go. My friend arrived and we visited for the afternoon. It really was nice to have her there and make the time go faster. When she left, I had about an hour before Hubby would be home from work to pick me up. I ran through my checklist and was pretty sure I had everything packed that I would need. I then called my sister and caught her just before she started teaching her kickboxing class. We had a brief visit but I was glad to talk to her before leaving for the hospital.

Hubby arrived home and we carried out my "luggage" and locked the door. Then we went for dinner. As always, I enjoyed my meal and savoured every bite. We got an overwhelming surprise when we went to pay for our meal. Someone had paid for our meal and bought us a gift certificate. On the gift certificate under "From" it said "Everyone who loves you."  Both hubby and I were speechless! What a gift and we don't even know who to thank! Whoever it was, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It touched both hubby and I deeply.

We then made our way to the hospital and I was admitted. I am settled into my private room which overlooks the soccer field at Queens University. I have a small bar fridge in my room so I will be able to have gingerale and my flavoured club soda kept cold. I will also be able to have some yogurt and space for a small container of my quinoa salad. Here's hoping all this will help to boost my blood cell counts.

So a tentative plan is in place and now it's just a matter of getting through the next two weeks. Tonight, the nurse has taken blood from me to test my levels. My vitals have been taken and I have had an ECG. I'm just waiting now for the doctor who is on call for the overnight shift to come in and see me. I've been told she will check me over physically to see how I'm doing.

The final ride has begun.

In Waiting Mode

I didn't sleep well. I was awake most of the night. I just can't shut my brain off. I'm anxious. I'm just putting in time waiting for Admission Day and then the high dose chemo days at the end of this week. I'm scared. I'm knitting to pass the hours in the day. I'm trying to keep my mind busy so I don't think and worry. Knitting helps with that.

I really believe that God sees me worrying and trying to not worry. I think that God knows I'm scared. I try to acknowledge that fear during the daylight hours but it revisits my subconscious while I sleep. I think that God knows all this and as a result, I had two visitors today. A very good friend came by after having been in the area for an appointment. We had a lovely visit and it was so good to see her. I used to see her and another friend every week to make music together. I miss that but I did enjoy the short visit today. It lifted my spirits and helped distract me. She also gave me a book that I'm looking forward to getting into. It's called "Lectio Divina - The Sacred Art - Transforming Words & Images into Heart-Centered Prayer".

My other visitor today was my minister. She came by this afternoon and we shared communion together. As we went through a lovely prayer and "service" and then shared the bread and grape juice, I felt a mantle of peace fall over my shoulders. It was the first time in days that I didn't have an underlying current of anxiety. The peace of Christ was just what I needed. Prayer works and is very similar to meditation. Breathe deeply. Breathe in the peace of Christ. So after my minister's visit, I was filled with renewed peace.

My evening was short as my lack of sleep caught up with me. I went to bed around 8:30 and have just now awakened with a night sweat. I realized I hadn't posted for today. I need to remember to breathe deeply and pray for continued peace of mind. I will head back to bed now and pray not just for myself but for my friends and acquaintances that are also struggling with some major life issues.

Perhaps I've learned or been reminded today that being in "waiting mode" can mean spending it in prayer while I knit and while I can't sleep.

A Warm Autumn Day

This morning I was anxious about the end of the week and I was antsy because of it. I just couldn't settle. So I took advantage of the warm Autumn day and worked on cutting off the spent flower stalks of my hostas. I also did some weeding until I was tired. Then I went indoors and spent the rest of my day knitting. I probably did too much gardening as I wanted to lay down and have a nap. However, if I did that, then I wouldn't sleep well tonight.

Late this afternoon, I did go to my chiropractor for a regular "maintenance" adjustment. My chiropractor is very much aware of my picc line in my left arm and he makes sure that he doesn't do a large adjustment near it so that it is not jarred. He was using his small "adjuster" to loosen up  and move the spine in the middle of my back between my shoulder blades. This is where I get stiff and sore during the night while I'm sleeping. After seeing him today, I feel like I'm moving better.

My tiredness and weariness from earlier today is still with me tonight. Perhaps it is from my busy weekend. I'll be heading to bed early tonight in order to be well rested for the high dose chemo that goes into me on Thursday.

I'll sign off now and head off to bed for the night.

A Great Weekend....So Much that I Didn't Get Posted

Saturday, October 21

I awoke at my normal time but I was excited. My brother-in-law was coming to visit today! I haven't seen him or my sister-in-law since the beginning of July. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law isn't coming to visit because she has a cold and doesn't want to spread it to me.

Hubby and I enjoyed our leisurely coffees and then decided to embrace the warm day as Brother-in-law isn't arriving until mid afternoon. Hubby had to return his work van to work so we decided to enjoy our favourite fast food breakfast out. While waiting in line to pay for our order, a female behind us was coughing loudly without covering her mouth. Ewww!!! This is what makes me afraid to go out in public. Uneducated people who are willing to spread their germs and viruses with the rest of us around them. I immediately left the line and found a table for us to sit at. We did enjoy our breakfast despite the line-up incident.




After dropping off the vehicle, we went home to clean and tidy up the house. I know that Brother-in-law doesn't really judge us based on how messy the house is, but it was time to tidy and clean. We had just finished when Brother-in-law arrived from out of town. After using hand sanitizer which is kept at our front door, he enveloped me in a nice big, warm hug. He then gave me a backpack that he had brought in with his other overnight bags. "This is for you for in the hospital." What a thoughtful present!

Inside the backpack was a colouring book, a large sudoku book (I love sudokus), a small blanket with a note indicating that it is them giving me hugs when I wear it (awwww), pencil crayons, a pencil sharpener (great idea!), moisturizer lotion (for when my skin is dry), 2 bags of candies and a box of chocolates. So much thought went into this! There was also a lovely note from my sister-in-law. After looking through the backpack, I felt the warmth of family love and caring.

We enjoyed catching up with Brother-in-law and, at one point, when it was he and I sitting on the couch, he commented "You look great! You would never know you have cancer." I notice that my hair is thinner but he didn't until I mentioned it. I am feeling great right now and have energy and pink cheeks. My weight is good and I do look healthy. We all continued to visit and catch up until it was time to go for dinner at Brother-in-law's and one of our favourite Greek restaurant downtown. We had reservations. I had been looking forward to having dinner there as it has been a long time since I've been there. We had a great time and enjoyed our meals as always. The drawback to this restaurant is it is small and loud. However, the food is amazing! I started my meal with the escargots. I am always torn whether to have the escargots or the Saganaki. When our children were small we always called it the "Flaming Cheese". Brother-in-law had the Saganaki and was willing to share a piece of it so I was able to enjoy both my escargots and some Saganaki. I then had the restaurant's renowned lamb shank. Again I always look forward to it. I know that I should try some of the other entrees on the menu and I always say "someday". Then when I get to ordering my meal, I get the lamb shank. I'm never disappointed. It is always so tender that you don't even need a knife. It just falls right off the bone. The au jus or sauce is always spot on. My mouth waters just thinking about it.

After dinner, we came home and continued our visit. We were all very full. I think I was home for about 30 minutes and I suddenly was very tired. I went off to bed and slept for a full 10 hours! My body must have needed it.

Sunday, October 22

I awoke around 8 a.m. I did the morning routine of changing Frodo's (our cat) water and feeding him. The house was quiet and I was hesitant to make coffee. Our kitchen sink is directly above the guest bed in the basement. I was afraid of waking up Brother-in-law. I had already been using the water to change the cat's water so I figured I had already inadvertently woke him up. I made a full pot of coffee and settled down on the couch to do some knitting while the coffee brewed. I love my morning coffees and when my taste buds were off, I missed having my coffee. But I couldn't stomach trying to drink coffee that tasted like stale cigarette butts. I'm glad my taste buds are settling down right now. Perhaps I appreciate my coffee just a little bit more. So back to the present. While knitting, I heard Brother-in-law moving around in the basement. He came upstairs and admitted he had been awake about 30 minutes before he heard me moving around in the kitchen. Good! I didn't wake him up.

We chatted about life until Hubby made his sleepy appearance. He is NOT a morning person. We all enjoyed cups of coffee and then Hubby made his specialty breakfast. I am so spoiled and I truly appreciate that fact that Hubby can cook well. After breakfast, we continued visiting and before we knew it, it was mid afternoon and Brother-in-law needed to get on the road to return to his home (about 2 hours away). At one point during the afternoon, a childhood friend of mine called and I enjoyed a visit with her across the many miles. We caught up and will hopefully be in contact through electronic methods while I'm in the hospital. It was just after her call that Brother-in-law indicated it was time to get on the journey home.

We waved goodbye as he drove down the street. What a warm and gorgeous day it is!! Hubby asked if I wanted to go out on the motorcycle. Absolutely!! This would be a short ride as the days are getting shorter. I love riding on the back of the Honda Goldwing. I always feel liberated as the wind blows against me and I get a better full view of everything around us. Hubby and I got suited up and off we went. The Fall colours are past their prime but I was able to get a sense of the brilliance that would have been in the woods just a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, I hadn't been able to get out due to chemo and how I was feeling. However, this was good and very enjoyable. As we ride, I like to look for wildlife such as deer, turles, foxes, etc. I really didn't see any today but I still enjoyed my ride. We did stop to fill up with gas which allowed us to go further. We ended up at a park on Lake Ontario. We stopped because I had made the comment, "I've never seen Lake Ontario this still. It's like glass!" We enjoyed watching the water very softly and gently lap against the shore. There were mallard ducks, seagulls and a lone cormorant just floating on the still water. We took some "selfie" pictures and then decided to get back on the bike and head home. What a wonderful afternoon idyll for me to remember until next Spring. This was my last excursion on the Goldwing for 2017.

After returning home, we took all our gear off and put it away. It was now dinner time and I hadn't pulled any meat out for anything for dinner. Hubby suggested going to a local diner for fish and chips. We haven't been there in over a year and it's funny, because I was craving fish and chips while on the bike. So off we went. We've been eating out so often lately! It's not from being lazy and not wanting to cook. And it's not from lack of food in our home. We are celebrating each day and visiting the restaurants we enjoy while I can.

When we returned home from our dinner out, there was a voice mail from my son. So I called him back and enjoyed a visit with him. While he was talking to Hubby on the phone, a call waiting occurred and a voice mail was left from my brother. After Hubby was finished the call with my son, I called my brother and enjoyed a lovely visit with him too. When our visit wrapped up and I hung up the phone, I realized it was 9:00 already and time for my favourite series "Outlander". Hubby and I watched and I fully enjoyed the program.

I normally would have gone to bed immediately after watching "Outlander" but instead I got into watching a program that Hubby had "pvr'd" (personal video recorder). Meaning, he had taped this program called "The Secret Path" which was a taped version of Gord Downie's last solo tour. Gord Downie, the front man for the Canadian band "The Tragically Hip", passed away from brain cancer this past week. I really enjoyed "The Secret Path". As soon as it was finished, I was off to bed and asleep immediately.

It has been an awesome day!!

Living Life to the Absolute Fullest

Hubby and I have always had just one vehicle. I wanted to use the car today. This meant I was up and dressed early so I could drive Hubby to work. I had made arrangements to go visit my friend who lives in the country. What a lovely drive it was. I had built in extra time to get there due to construction within the city. Wouldn't you know it! I was not held up at all and so was going to arrive too early at my friend's place. So I turned down some side roads and enjoyed a "Sunday drive" on a Friday morning. I paid attention to the time and enjoyed my drive. I just turned around and made my way to my friend's home when it was time to do so.

I arrived and she was ready to greet me at her door. We spent the morning outside on her back deck. What a sunny and warm morning to enjoy the peaceful view that unfolded in front of me. It reminded me of when we used to live in the country and how peaceful it is. We chatted over coffee and enjoyed the company of her dog, her cats and her chickens. I saw her beehives in the distance. That was close enough for me. I'm terrified of bees. However, the peace of the country filled my soul despite the beehives. What a gift this visit was. I was reminded again how important it is to seize each moment of every day and enjoy it.

The morning went by quickly and when her husband, who was working from home, came out on the deck, it was time for me to go. I was going to meet my hubby for lunch. I visited a little more with both my friends and then I had to leave. Again, I enjoyed the drive back into the city. When I arrived at hubby's work, he was ready to head out for lunch.

Before we left for lunch, I needed hubby to remove the dressing that was covering where the dialysis line went into my neck. It was time to remove it. What a relief it was to have him pull it off! I am allergic to the adhesive and we could see the redness and raised blisters in places. I had a covering that I've been wearing around my neck to hide the dressing so people wouldn't stare. I put my covering back around my neck. It's very fashionable and was matching the top I was wearing today. The redness from my allergy was very itchy and the opening where the dialysis line went in was very noticeable. My fashionable neck covering just made me feel less conspicuous and more comfortable.

Hubby and I then left for lunch. We went to a local establishment that we haven't been to in years. I had their house made mac & cheese. The description sounded good. It described having pulled pork in it and various cheese and topped with panko crumbs, baked and topped with salsa. I was disappointed. There was no pulled pork but actually ground pork. It wasn't what I expected. Oh well. Live and learn. Unfortunately, the meal just sat in my stomach all afternoon.

Hubby had to work tonight so I spent my evening watching television and finishing my sock for my mismatched pair. As I create this blog post, the socks are keeping my feet nice and toasty warm. My cat is sound asleep on my legs and keeping them warm.

I find the knitting, the television and my cat very soothing. I've started another sock. This pair will be pink. I have lots of pink yarn leftover from an afghan I made 4 years ago for my cousin's baby. So the socks I'll be making for the immediate future will all be pink. I'm using all my yarn remnants from past projects over the years to make the socks that will be donated to the bazaar and to the homeless people.

I'm tiring now so I'll sign off and head to bed. It's been another great day where I've feel I have lived life to the fullest.

Celebrating the Small Things in Life

Wednesday, October 18

I returned to the Stem Cell Unit at 9:30 a.m. today to have my dialysis line removed. As I walked into the Unit, the nurse handed me a copy of the stem cell collection report from Ottawa. It showed that yesterday they collected 14.1 million stem cells in 90 minutes. We only need 2.5 million. I'm a stem cell producing machine! So I went into the patient room and had to lay on the bed. I was hooked up to the blood pressure monitor so they could read my vitals while the dialysis line was removed. Everything went smoothly. After it was removed and the nurse held pressure on the opening into the vein in my neck for 15 minutes, she put a dressing over the opening and I had to lie quiet for another 15 minutes. Then I was instructed to go for a long walk. After the walk, I was to return and check in with the nurse before leaving the hospital. They just wanted to make sure there was no bleeding and leakage.

So I walked to the Tuck Shop and visited with my former co-workers and volunteers. I was happy to see one of the volunteers as she is moving away in the coming week. I then walked over to another office and visited with friends and acquaintances there. Hubby was with me and kept checking my neck to make sure it wasn't bleeding. We then walked  briskly down the long hallway on our way back to the Stem Cell Unit. But first, I dropped into the Gift Shop to visit former co-workers and volunteers again. Hubby and I met a new employee that we actually knew from another part of our lives. We visited with her also and then continued to make our way back to the Unit. I was given permission to go home.

Hubby and I went for lunch at our favourite restaurant and then he dropped me off at home and returned to work. I spent a quiet afternoon knitting because I was not allowed to move turn my head or bend down. When hubby got home from work, we made our way to our friends' home where we had been invited for dinner. It became an evening of celebration. We celebrated that my stem cells were prolific and were collected quickly. I have an extra day of "found time" tomorrow. What a great evening we had with our friends!  When we left at 9:30 p.m., I was tired and went straight to bed as soon as I returned home.

Thursday, October 19

I was very tired when I awoke with the alarm at 7:00 a.m. Before hubby went to work, he did help carry laundry to the basement so I could wash a load and he carried it outside so I could hang it on the line. It took me a few hours to gain any motivation to do anything but knit.

Then I decided to get started on my Christmas baking. I really want to have a few of my family's favourite Christmas baked goods in the freezer for us to enjoy at Christmas. So this morning, I made my sugar cookies. This is a recipe that has been handed down from my great-grandmother. I roll them out, cut them with cookies cutters and then when they are fulliy cooled, I ice them with butter icing. The dough is very soft and pliable but it needs to be chilled before rolling it out. The shapes are Christmas trees, Santas, Angels, Bells, Snowmen and Stars. While the cookies were cooling on the counter, I decided to take stock of the icing ingredients. I realized that I needed green and red food colouring as well as icing sugar in order to ice the cookies. That's alright. Hubby and I will be doing some grocery shopping afer dinner tonight.

I am feeling so content. This week is going really well and I am feeling good. I do notice that when I'm not eating or drinking anything, my mouth has a bothersome taste to it. It doesn't matter if I brush my teeth or rinse my mouth. It is there. This "off" taste doesn't affect the taste of food or drink so it isn't affecting my appetite. Food tastes good when I eat.

I spent my afternoon continuing to knit the second sock of the pair of mismatched socks. They are mismatched because I ran out of yarn and have had to use a different yarn for the second sock. This pair will be for me. The last couple of days I've been re-thinking my plan to give knitted socks to the homeless. These socks are very thick and are more like slipper socks. I'm not sure they would fit inside people's shoes unless they are wearing shoes that are much too big for them. I am now considering donating the socks to the Hospital Auxiliary for their bazaar that is going to be held on November 29. I approached the Auxiliary and they would be very pleased to have the socks to sell. The bazaar is a fundraiser for the Hospital Auxiliary. The Auxiliary helps buy needed equipment for various departments within the hospital. I think I am at peace with giving the pairs of knitted socks to their bazaar. If I get more socks knitted after November 29, then I will give them to the Kingston Street Mission to be given to the homeless.

In the days that I have left before being admitted to the hospital on October 25, I am hoping to add to my Christmas baking. I plan to make my Bourbon Christmas Fruit Bars. All my Christmas baking will be put into the freezer and then it will be nice and fresh when it comes out. I need to buy some of the ingredients for the fruit bars. The other baking I want to do is my Christmas M&M Cookies. Unfortunately, the Christmas M&M's are not available for sale in the stores yet. I haven't seen any. I will probably have to wait until I'm discharged from the hospital in the middle to end of November before making these. I really want this Christmas to be "normal" and create more warm memories for my family. For me, it is important to have the favourite baked treats available. I want my family to have cherished moments that will become cherished memories.

As I baked the sugar cookies today, I enjoyed the memories of having sugar cookies at my grandparents' home during the Christmas holidays. The cookies were always put out as a snack while we played cards or crokinole. I remember watching my grandpa and my uncle playing crokinole together. I remember us all around the long kitchen table playing cards with cookies, squares and nuts on the table to be shared as snacks. The warmth of the wood stove in farm house is another great memory to the point that I can almost smell the wood. The heat radiated from it and was very comforting. My own memories motivate me to bake and earnestly work towards creating happy, warm family moments for my own family. My hope is to succeed at this despite the current and imminent challenge of my cancer journey.

Miracles Do Happen! - Stem Cell Collection Day

I awoke at 3:30 a.m.  I was wide awake probably because I went to bed a 9 p.m. in preparation for an early rise of 6:00 a.m. Oh well. After trying to go back to sleep, I finally got up at 4:45 a.m. and started the next sock in my pair of Ladies' Large that I am knitting. My mind was going full tilt and starting to fret about my upcoming Stem Cell Collection. Finally, I heard the radio alarm go on in our bedroom. I put my knitting down, heaved myself out of the couch and made my way to the bedroom. I was cleaned, dressed and ready to leave the house by 6:10. Hubby was still in bed. He didn't take long to get ready and we were out the door by 6:40. We went to McDonalds to treat ourselves to breakfast before starting what we anticipated to be a very long day in the Stem Cell Unit at the hospital.

We walked into the hospital just before 7:30 a.m. I dropped by my former workplace to drop off some used books for them to sell as I was walking by on my way to the Stem Cell Unit. When we arrived, I was shown to the room that was assigned to me for the day. Blood was taken from me to test the blood levels. The white cell count came in at 87 which was very good. I was waiting to be taken down to the Imaging Department where they would insert a dialysis line into my neck. It is through this line that the stem cells will be collected. Finally, the porter showed up with a stretcher bed to take me down to the Imaging Department.

I recognized the porter from seeing him daily while I worked in the Tuck Shop. I would see him in the halls and we would exchange greetings with a smile. Today, hubby and I joked with the porter as he wheeled me down to the Imaging Department. There were 6 people ahead of me so I was parked in the hallway behind another gentleman's stretcher/bed. After a while, I eventually was moved into a curtained holding area. The doctor came and explained what was going to happen to me and I signed the consent form.

The dialysis line was inserted into the vein (not artery) on the right side of my neck. I was given some local freezing before the started they procedure.  It took about 15 minutes and then I was all done. I was wheeled back into a curtained holding area and waited for a porter to take me up to the Stem Cell Unit. Eventually, she showed up and wheeled me away.

When we entered the Stem Cell Unit, the nurses started clapping and cheering. They were calling me their star patient. I guess when they took my blood this morning, they were also testing the amount of stem cells found in a 10ml blood sample. I apparently am now the record holder for the Stem Cell Unit for the most stem cells found in a 10 ml blood sample. I had 26.1 million stem cells in 10 ml of blood. We only needed to collect 2.5 million for the stem cell transplant. This means that instead of being hooked up and collecting stem cells for 6 hours, they would only need 90 minutes in order to collect the 2.5 million stem cells required for the Oct. 30 transplant. I was finished and unhooked from the dialysis unit by 1:45 p.m. The stem cells were being picked up by a courier at 2 p.m. and shipped to Ottawa where they will be counted, preserved and frozen.

Tomorrow, I need to return to the Stem Cell Unit at 9:30 a.m. to have the dialysis line taken out of my neck. The nurses do not expect that I will have to have any more stem cells collected, but just in case they wanted to keep this line in my neck for the night. If they need more stem cells collected, they will call me early in the morning to have me come in earlier. The nurses don't expect this to happen.

It looks like I will not have to come back into the hospital until I am admitted on October 25. Woo Hoo!! Today was a miracle and I truly believe that prayers were answered. I wasn't anxious today like I thought I would be. The whole day has been fabulous! Hubby and I celebrated our awesome day by having chinese takeout for dinner and then an ice cream cone for dessert. It's a day worth celebrating!! Thank you to all of you who have been sending positive thought and saying daily prayers for me. I truly believe that God has listened and answered those prayers today. The positive thoughts have also helped me to be less anxious because I know people care. Thanks to you all!

Day 18 Third Chemo Round - A Fantastic Day

Throughout the night last night, I was drenched numerous times with night sweats. I had to turn my pillow during the night as it was also soaked. I was worried and wondering if the lymphoma hasn't been pushed back and the tumours didn't shrink in size. The night sweats are one of the telling symptoms of lymphoma. The interrupted sleep caused me to wonder how my day was going to go today.

I had so many plans and things to do before I'm tied up at the hospital all week with the stem cells being collected. I really wanted today to be a great day. When I awoke this morning, I was a little groggy and slow. Hubby and I decided that we would meet for lunch.  As my morning coffee made its way into my system, I started to wake up. In the mornings, I sit on our Lazyboy couch and drink my coffee. I have a "Bread of Life" container beside me on the end table which contains various bible verses. This morning the one I picked said "I am with you as I was with Moses." - Joshua 3:7, NIV  As I read this verse, my anxiety and worries about this week were instantly calmed. God is with me through all that is going to happen this week. He will keep me safe. What a great verse to read first thing in the morning.

I was now energized, maybe with the help of the coffee, to start my day. I drove hubby to work so that I could have our car. I returned home and picked up some music that I've been wanting to return to the church choir room since August. Today I did it. What a joy it was to see the work party of men trimming the trees and bushes around the church property! I was able to exchange greetings with these men who I haven't seen in months. What a lift to my morning already! I continued on into the church and let the secretary know I was going to be upstairs in the choir room. I dropped in to see the secretary on my way out and had a lovely, short visit with her. It had to be short because I needed to get home and get my Neupogen out of the refrigerator in preparation for my last visit to the CBI Health Clinic to get my injections.

Once I was at home and the Neupogen was removed from the refrigerator, I had to wait until it was time to go to the Clinic for the injection. I filled my time by knitting my current sock. When it was time to leave, I put my knitting aside and got ready to go. I also had an errand to run at the bank after my clinic visit. Then I would make my way downtown to hubby's work and go for lunch.

My visit to the CBI Health Clinic was good. The nurse knew this was my last scheduled visit and we had a good visit while she gave me my 2 injections of Neupogen. After my visit, I made contact with my cousin-in-law and firmed up our plans for this afternoon before I started driving to the bank. I made it to the bank and, again, enjoyed my banking errand while I chatted with the teller. I'm happy and my day is going well. It was a little early to head to hubby's work so I returned home and continued knitting before deciding it was time to go for lunch.

I made my way to hubby's work and we walked to our favourite restaurant, Darbar, to enjoy a delicious lunch. What an enjoyable time we had as we ate our favourite food and also chatted with the staff. My morning has gone exceedingly well. It's wonderful to feel this way and know that I'm having a great day before heading to the hospital tomorrow.

I  made plans to visit this afternoon with my cousin-in-law who gave me the "Bread of Life" container last month. We decided that we would get together for tea and then maybe a walk to the local conservation area. I had finished lunch with hubby and I had about an hour before I needed to be at my cousin-in-law's home. I returned home and continued knitting my sock with the calm silence of the house around me.

At the appropriate time, I made my way over to my cousin's house where we enjoyed a cup of tea together. We decided to dress warmly and walk over to the nearby conservation area. We talked and visited while we walked through one of the trails at the conservation area. We walked briskly and then decided it was time to head back to her home. It was a long walk, about one hour total, but it was invigorating and I loved our visit. I haven't had a long walk like that in a long time and I was so pleased that I wasn't totally exhausted by the end. I was very tired but I did not feel ill. I returned home and knitted more on the sock until it was time to go pick up hubby from work.

For dinner tonight, I had pulled out the frozen homemade ravioli and tomato sauce that one of our friends had brought over a couple of weeks ago. When hubby and I got home, we worked together to get it cooked and onto the table. While it was cooking, another good friend of our's dropped by to return my rain gear that he had borrowed to ride to Port Dover with hubby. We knew he was alone for dinner tonight, so we invited him to stay and share the ravioli with us. What a great impromptu dinner. A perfect ending to a fantastic day.

After dinner, I even managed to finish my sock. I have run out of that particular colour of yarn, so this pair of socks will be mine as they will be mismatched.

My day has been so good that all my anxiety about this week has been kept at bay. I'm feeling good about tomorrow. I'm going to bring a couple of books along to read while the stem cells are collected. Hubby is going to sit by my side and work from the hospital room. I will be in the Stem Cell Unit for the whole day. I will go to bed early tonight because I have to be at the Stem Cell Unit for 7:30 a.m.  Hubby has already said we can leave the house early and treat me to an Egg McMuffin and coffee for my breakfast. I'm so spoiled (as it is said with a smile). This was a fantastic day that was full of smiles and a warm heart. I truly believe all my friends' prayers have helped me today.

Day 15 and Day 16 Third Chemo Round - FEAR

Friday, October 13 - Day 15

I awoke on Friday morning and I still had a low grade fever. This meant it was not high enough to go to visit the Emergency Department at the hospital but there was still a fever. Late Friday morning, I had an appointment at the CBI Health Clinic to get my Neupogen shots. While there, I asked the nurse to take my temperature. It was normal. What a relief! I wondered if it was my thermometer acting up so I took my temperature when I got home and yes, it was normal. So I don't know what caused the temperature. I do know that my sinuses are congested in the morning so maybe I'm just coming down with a cold. Hubby was away at Port Dover with his motorcycle celebrating Friday the 13th. I had encouraged him to go but I do know he was worrying about me. I texted him that my temperature was normal and not to worry. I continued to fill my waking hours with reading and knitting. I have finished a pair of Small socks (Ladies size 5,6) and I have now started a pair of Large socks (Ladies size 9,10).

Saturday, October 14 - Day 16

I did not sleep well. I am filled with fear. I have been filled with this fear for many weeks. From the time of diagnosis back in August, I have been dreading this period of time that I'm now entering. I am not sleeping well because of it. I am filling my time with knitting to keep my mind and hands busy so that I don't sink into the dark pit of fear and despair. Way back in August, I was afraid of my chemo sessions because the doctor described them as harsh. The chemo has been worse than it was 5 years ago but I've managed to get through it fairly well. Back in August, I was also very afraid of the stem cell process. Each time I would start to think about it, I would tell myself that I'm getting ahead of where I need to be and I would repeat in my mind, "One breath at a time, one moment at a time, one step at a time."  This helped to push the thoughts of the stem cell collection and high dose chemo to the back of my mind. Well now the stem cell collection process is at hand. I'll be starting it on Tuesday.

I am afraid. Not just anxious. Not just worried. AFRAID!! In an effort to calm myself, I knit. I read. It's not helping now. I am afraid of having the catheter put into my neck so they can collect the stem cells. This will go in on Tuesday. I will be at the Stem Cell Unit all day Tuesday and then come home. I'll do the same thing on Wednesday and Thursday as an outpatient which means I come home each night. Each of these days, I am there from 7:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. as they need to collect 2.5 millions stem cells from me.

I feel like I'm on a train that is going full speed and I can't get off. I'm terrified of the high dose chemo that is scheduled for October 26 and 27. At this point, I can still turn off the thoughts of that because it is over a week away. I can still use "one step at a time".

As I deal with this deep fear I'm currently feeling, I continue to pray for peace of mind. I continue to knit to calm myself. But the fear raises its head while I try to sleep. I've been told that I'm brave and courageous. I'm really not. I'm just mundanely going through my day and the process as it is laid out for me. As I go through these days, I struggle with my deep fear of what's coming up.

Hubby did come home from Port Dover. We went out for dinner as there are very few days left that I will be able to do this.

Day 14 Third Chemo Round - Friendly visit and Low Grade Fever

At my urging, my hubby left this morning to join his friend and the two of them ride their motorcycles to Port Dover for tomorrow's Friday The 13th Celebration. Shortly after he left, I went and had my picc line cleaned and also to get my Neupogen injections.

Over the lunch hour, I knitted some more on the socks I'm currently working on for the homeless. I'll drop them off at Kingston Street Mission when I have a few to give them. I was looking forward to seeing a good friend who had offered to help me get my gardens in a small semblance of order. They are over run with weeds. My friend arrived just after lunch. She immediately tackled my vegetable garden which I have left unplanted this year. As she worked in the veggie garden, I started to cut back some of the old grape vines that continue to grow wild in my flowerbed. I also dug out some nasty thistles that were growing in my herb garden. Then I had to sit down for most of the rest of the afternoon. I visited with my friend while she continued to dig out the weeds and turn the soil in my garden by hand with a shovel.

My neighbour behind me called me over to the fence and asked if I would like to borrow his rotortiller. Hubby and I have used it before so I said yes instantly. My friend had a great time using it and was impressed with it. She was also impressed with how good my soil was looking. It has helped that we had a good soaking of rain last weekend and then again yesterday. Once the veggie garden was done, my friend took a well-deserved break with some iced tea in a glass with lots of ice. After a bit, she got up and started on my flowerbed that surrounds my patio. She got all the weeds pulled and the soil smoothed nicely with her hands. I love the smell of dirt and her work brought that smell to the fore.

We both worked together to tidy up the mess of weeds. I had a box that we filled and an extral large industrial sized garbage bag that we also filled. I will get my hubby to deliver it to our municipal composting site. I felt good that I was able to move the bag and the box into the garage. The Neupogen seems to make my heart race and I get out of breath very quickly. I'll be mentioning that to my nurse practitioner when I see her again.

It was late afternoon and close to dinner time when my friend left. What a wonderful afternoon we had together! I wish I was healthier that I could have done more but I really enjoyed her company and was glad I could do some physical work.

Tonight, I decided to just relax and take it easy. I hadn't taken my temperature since lunch time, so I took my temperature. It was 100.1. I've been monitoring it all evening and it has gone from 99.7 to 100.1 This is a low grade fever. If it goes over 11.4 for over an hour, then I have to go visit the Emergency Department of our local hospital. There is a whole protocol that the staff in Emergency have to follow for me because I'm on high dose Neupogen. I have a "Fever Card" and a stack of papers that I have to take with me if I go to Emergency. So far the temperature hasn't gone up high enough. I am tired. I have noticed that my heart wants to pound and race. I am getting breathless very easily this afternoon and tonight. I have to go to the Health Clinic tomorrow to have my next Neupogen injections. If this fever is still there in the morning, I'll mention it to the nurse and have her take my temperature. I'm off to bed early tonight. Let's pray that the temperature will go down.

Day 13 Third Chemo Round - A Day at the Hospital

This morning I had a very early breakfast. I couldn't have anything to eat or drink after 8:30 a.m. because I was having a CT scan at 11:00 a.m. I had to report to the Stem Cell Unit before going to the Imaging Department for my CT scan. The nurse practioner wanted to check my vital statistics to make sure I'm not running a fever. She also wanted to make sure that I wasn't dehydrated.  Everything went well until I mentioned the side effect of the Neupogen that I felt last night. As soon as I mentioned a racing heart beat and pain in my chest, the nurse practitioner booked me for an ECG. The nurse practitioner was being diligent in checking me over fully. I had 8 vials of blood taken from me. Six of those vials were put into a culture tube to check and see if I have any infections coursing through my body. The nurse was also having problems with my picc line. She was able to flush the line (inject saline into it) but she couldn't get any blood from it. So another kind of medication was injected into me using the picc line and I had to wait for 30 minutes before the nurse could try again to use the picc line to get blood from me.

I was starting to worry that I was going to miss my 11:00 appointment for the CT scan. I arrived at the Stem Cell Unit at 9:15 a.m. The nurse and nurse practitioner managed to get my blood taken out of me for testing before 11 a.m. They had to cancel the ECG machine request. This meant that I had to go back to the Stem Cell Unit after my CT scan in order to have the ECG done. Thank goodness I had the CT scan done with no problems. I then hurried back up to the Stem Cell Unit. After another 15 to 20 minute wait, I finally had the ECG done. I was then free to leave as the ECG was normal.

As I was taking the elevators down to the front entrance of the hospital, I called hubby to come and pick me up. I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing and reading a book at his work. When I woke up this morning, I did not expect to spend so much time at the hospital. Thank goodness I had no other appointments to run off to.

Last night, a friend asked me what the Neupogen will do for me. I'm on a high dose of Neupogen. I'm getting the Neupogen injections so that it will stimulate the growth of my stem cells and also release them into my blood stream. Next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I will be an outpatient of the Stem Cell Unit and they will use a dialysis machine to harvest my stem cells from my blood stream. They need to harvest 2.5 million stem cells over three days next week. They will then freeze them and on October 30 all my frozen stem cells will be re-injected into me. I hope this helps you understand the process a little better.

I finished another book today, entitlted "The Guest List" by Fern Michaels. I did a lot of reading while I was waiting for all my appointments. Considering I had to miss some meals and limit my liquid intake, I had a good day.

Day 12 Third Chemo Round - Neupogen side effects

Yesterday (Day 11, Third Chemo Round) was a great day. I was able to eat turkey dinner leftovers without any nausea. This was due to keeping up with the anti-nausea medications. I'm still on two antibiotic medications. One is for the pain and swelling in my left lower arm. The other is one that I have to take along with the Neupogen which I started taking yesterday. I had to go to the CBI Health Clinic (formerly CCAC) to have the high dose Neupogen needles. I had such a good day yesterday that I forgot to blog. That's the sign of a great day!

As I mentioned, I started the Neupogen injections yesterday. This morning I had to go again for the 2 needles. Yesterday the needles were put into the right side of my abdomen. This morning the nurse put the 2 vials into one needle and injected it into my upper right arm. I had a good day and my nausea was under control until this evening. I just have to make sure I keep taking the Olanzapine and the Ondansetron to keep the nausea under control.

Tonight, my body is starting to show the side effects of the high dose Neupogen. My left hip really hurts and the muscle feels weak when I get up from sitting. My right knee is also starting to ache when I walk. This has been my fear leading up to taking the Neupogen. I'm afraid the pain is going to be debilitating. Then I just remind myself that I can take some Tylenol to help ease the pain. I do have anxiety about the side effects of the various medications that I take. I try to hand these worries over to God to carry for me. So far that has helped keep me from being too frazzled. This Neupogen scares me though. So does the thought of having the high dose chemo on Oct. 26 and 27.

Tomorrow I go for my CT scan to see if the tumours have shrunk at least 50 percent. This is the final test that I have to pass in order to have the stem cell transplant. Here's hoping they have shrunk that much already. I do have to go to the hospital early so that the Stem Cell Unit nurse can take my vital signs and give me my Neupogen injections. I'll take advantage of being at the hospital to return some books to my former co-worker and to say hello to some of the volunteers.

Tomorrow will be a busy day.

Day 10 Third Chemo Round - Happy Thanksgiving!

Today was our Canadian Thanksgiving. This is typically a time where we celebrate our blessings and are thankful for the bountiful harvest of the summer vegetables. It is often a time of extended family getting together and enjoying a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Unfortunately, our daughter had to work in her city where she's living. It's 2 hours away. However, we have our son home for the holiday weekend and staying until Wednesday. Hubby and our son put together the turkey dinner celebration today for the three of us. From the time I awoke this morning (6 a.m. in order to take some medications), I was hoping that my nausea would be controlled enough with medications that I could enjoy the turkey dinner.

I love turkey dinners with stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, vegetables and finished off with pies for dessert. I can never get tired of eating turkey. So I was very vigilant on making sure I was drinking enough liquid, taking my medications with food and on time all day. With some help from my son, I was able to do two loads of laundry and hang it on the line to dry. That activity left me feeling dizzy and weak so I sat down and knitted or watched television.

Hubby made eggs and bacon for breakfast and I was able to eat some of that. I then picked the sage and parsley from my garden to be used in the stuffing that would fill the turkey cavity. It made me feel good to be able to help in some small way with the dinner. I know I made the pies earlier in the week but I like to help with preparing the meal.

We spent the afternoon watching baseball and football on television. I made sure I was on time with all my medications and I made sure I was staying hydrated. I did notice that the cysplatin (chemo drug) is playing havoc with my hearing. I've had some ringing of the ears the last few days. Today my hearing was very muffled. I'm hoping this will not be a permanent hearing loss.

As I reflected on Thanksgiving and our blessings, I was blessed today with some good medications to keep me feeling normal. I was blessed to be strong enough to hang the laundry and sit outside in the morning. I was blessed with the company of my hubby and son. We were very blessed to enjoy a full turkey dinner. As always with turkey, I probably ate too much as I was very, very full when we finished. I was still feeling full when it was time to take the Clindamycin (normally taken with food) so I just took the pill without eating something first. As I continue to count my blessings, I am blessed with the love of family and friends. Sometimes as I go through all this chemo and the side effects, I get grumpy and tired of it all. My hubby and son were my blessings today as they put up with me. We enjoyed our dinner. We really enjoyed the pies with whipped cream.

So I end by saying Happy Thanksgiving and count your blessings at the end of each day. It helps.

Day 9 Third Chemo Round - Juggling Medications, hydration and small meals

Today I felt much better after drinking more than the required 8 glasses today. What a schedule to juggle though. I'm on 4 different medications. Some need to be taken with food. One need lots of water/liquid to be taken. One needs to be taken every 6 hours. One needs to be taken every 8 hours. One needs to be taken between 7 & 8 p.m. at night.

I find this onerous to juggle the medication schedule, getting the required liquid intake and still trying to eat meals with my family when I'm full from the food that needs to be eaten with medication between meals. So I'm eating smaller amounts during the "regular meals" and eating snacks with the medications. This medication schedule also means a disrupted night unless I can time the medication to be taken at midnight and again at 6 a.m.

The nausea didn't raise its ugly head until just after supper. So I took my new anti-nausea medication which is faster acting and hope it will settle my stomach before I head off to bed. The side effect of this new medication is dizziness and drowsiness. This is why it's best to take it in the evening. It is a 12 hour medication though so hopefully it will last the night.

I had some time to myself while hubby and my son did some last minute grocery shopping. I finished the current novel I was reading by Danielle Steele entitled "Blue". This was a book that a friend loaned to me a few weeks ago. I'm not normally a Danielle Steele fan but I did enjoy this book. Tonight, I'll start my next book by Fern Michaels called "The Guest List".

I enjoyed having my son home today. We spent some time together which was really nice. Tomorrow he will help my hubby prepare our turkey dinner. I'm hoping I will be able to enjoy it with them.

Day 8 Third Chemo Round - Dehydration and Chemo

This morning I awoke early and went to have my shower. I got very dizzy and was concerned while in the shower. I quickly did what I had to do and dried myself while sitting on the toilet so I wouldn't fall. This scared me.

I was at the Stem Cell Unit for my chemo by 8:30 a.m. The nurse checked my vital statistics and my blood pressure was very low and my heart rate was at 120 beats per minute. My normal heart rate is usually between 45 and 55 beats per minute. This caused a flurry of activity and the fluids were pumped into me. I took 1.5 Litres of fluid to bring my vital statistics to where the staff were comfortable. I also had my Day 8 chemo of Gemcitabine.

My nausea is what caused the dehydration. Although I never actually got sick, the nauseous feeling discouraged me from eating and drinking. My taste buds have changed again and I'm struggling to find a liquid that I like to drink. Today, I enjoyed some apple cider while I had my chemo and liquids pumped into me. I also like chocolate milk. I'm going to try Schweppes Gingerale with ice (watered down as it melts) and see if that is another option for liquid.

I also have a small infection in my left arm where the IV went in for my very first chemo. That infection had flared up in late August and it showed up again yesterday morning. So I'm back on Clindamycin for 7 days to deal with this. The Practical RN that was assigned to my file also has given me a new anti-nausea drug to see if that will help me more.

As I go into Thanksgiving weekend, I'm on a strict schedule of medications that need to be taken at certain times, some with food, some with lots of water, some with nothing. So I'm back to having a "medicine journal" to try and keep it all tracked and doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Today wasn't a complete downer though. I had two former co-workers come up to visit with me which helped lift my spirits. I am struggling to accept my regimented life. I just want to be done with all this and eat when I want, what I want, drink when I want, take no medications. However, starting Monday, I will also be taking another medication every morning at the health clinic where my picc line gets cleaned. I want to be able to go to crowded fun places with my hubby and son. I don't like feeling cooped up and penned in. So I'm feeling a little sorry for myself today.

But....it's Thanksgiving weekend and I'm thankful that my son has come home for the weekend. I'm thankful that my hubby knows how to cook well. I'm thankful that I got an apple pie made for my hubby and a pumpkin pie made for my son. I did something to add to the meal even though I may not eat much of it. I'm thankful for all my friends and family who continue to pray for me and lift me with their cards and written thoughts. So Happy Thanksgiving and I'll try to focus on my blessings instead of what I can't do or have to do.

Day 7 Third Chemo Round - Another Nauseous Day and Thanksgiving

I had a terrible night of nausea but I can say that I haven't vomited. Today was more of the same. I tried to eat some soup at lunch time so that I would be getting nourishment and hydration, but it didn't sit well.

I did manage to make an apple pie and a pumpkin pie for my family for this weekend's Thanksgiving dinner. I probably did too much because then I was feeling very dizzy and nauseous. I am also probably dehydrated because food and drink is not appealing to me today.

My son comes home tonight for several days to celebrate Thanksgiving. I go in for chemo again tomorrow morning so I expect that I will feel nauseous throughout the weekend and not interested in eating a turkey dinner. That's too bad because I always have looked forward to turkey dinners with all the trimmings. Oh well, I will have to look forward to having my turkey at Christmas time.

Here's praying that I can sleep tonight with less nauseousness.

Day 6 Third Chemo Round - A Nauseous Day

I awoke thinking about our upcoming Thanksgiving dinner. I always make the pies. So I made up the pie pastry and then was too dizzy to do anything with it. That's OK because it can sit overnight and I can work with it tomorrow.

Then the nausea hit for for the full day. I laid down for a bit to see if that would help and I had a wonderful phone call from my sister to help pass the time. Then my hubby called from work to check on me. I had my cousin contact me who I haven't heard from in a long time. And then I had a nice visit from a very good friend who just returned from Las Vegas. I had been worried about her so it was good to have a visit even though I was nauseous.

The nausea continues. However, I do feel the enfolding grace of God's love through the support of friends and family. I'm reminded that God does carry me cupped in his hands through all of this.

Day 5 Third Round Chemo - A Hodge Podge Day

Today has been a day of feeling a little nauseous and taste buds being off. I have managed to get through the day without anti-nausea pills. That's a good thing. However, I'm having trouble finding a liquid that I want to drink to stay hydrated. I started off with peppertmint tea this morning. Didn't work. Then I tried the Digestive tea. Didn't work. I tried my Iced Tea. Didn't work. I finally tried my favourite Chai tea late this afternoon. Didn't work.

However, today wasn't a wasted day. I made some quinoa salad for lunch and had some again at dinner time. I had a friend drop by this afternoon for a visit and we wandered around outside looking at my disgraceful flower and vegetable gardens. The weather was beautifully warm and the sun was shining. I did get my laundry washed twice. I'm now past being chemically toxic and so my laundry needed to be washed twice to ride it of the chemicals. I was able to hang it outdoors and it dried quickly.

I tried to knit today but I kept making mistakes and had to rip it all out and start again. Tomorrow will probably be a better day again. I think I'm coming out of the doldrums.

Day 4 Third Chemo Round - Las Vegas, Nausea/Tiredness and Pulmonary Functioning Test

I awoke this morning trying to decide was I nauseous due to hunger or needing anti-nausea medication. Before I could decide, I heard the news about the shootings in Las Vegas. Our very, very good friends are currently in Las Vegas and I was now nauseous with the thought of them being killed or injured.

I went ahead with breakfast and the ensuing medications (prochlorperazine and Dexamethasone). Hubby was on Facebook giving me updates. Our friends were safe but separated. Then they were safe and together in their room. Thank God!!!!

I'm struggling with dry mouth today, tiredness and nausea. On top of this, I have my Pulmonary Functioning Test today. I have to pass it in order to do the stem cell transplant. My mind is impaired due to tiredness and confusion so I needed hubby to come home from work and drive me to my appointment. He also had a previously scheduled appointment nearby but for about 1 hour after mine was done.

I ended up doing the Pulmonary Functioning Test and it seemed to help give me some energy that I was lacking. Not much energy, but a little bit. I had to take some deep breaths and blow out all the air into a tube. I also had to take a deep breath and slowly release the air until my lungs were comletely empty. Then I also had take a deep breath and pant into the tube even after the air was removed and it was a vacuum. Here's hoping that I passed it. It took a total of about 45 minutes.

After the appointment, as we arrived at the foyer of the local outpatient clinic hospital, we met some friends who have also been going through the cancer journey. A short visit with them and we still had some time to spend before hubby's appointment down the road. I had an apple scone and hubby had a cup of coffee. I shared the scone with him and then we went off to his appointment.

Thank goodness I took my book that I have just started called "Blue" by Danielle Steele. As I read in the waiting room, I kept wanting to fall asleep and doze off. Finally hubby came out and we went back to his work so he could catch up. I went to a quiet area to read and I ended up falling asleep for about 45 minutes. Thank goodness I awoke before anyone walked in on me.

I did get a chance to visit with some of hubby's co-workers and then it was time to leave to go home. I kept dozing off in the car. I've continued to feel nauseous off and on and I'm still struggling with dry mouth. I've been using the spray that my sister sent me in her first care package. It seems to help. Dinner sat well but then dry mouth set in again.

I'm off to bed early tonight to see if this will help me. I'm just so glad that our friends are safe and sound.

Day 3 Third Chemo Round - A Quiet Day

I awoke with the nausea feeling in full force. This was at 4:45 a.m. I got up and took at prochlorperaze (anit-nausea supplement pill) and went back to bed. I dozed off and on but the stomach was rumbly. Finally at 7:15 I arose for the day. I did the morning routine of feeding the cat and changing his water. I then put in a load of laundry. Then I had some toast and jam with a small cup of tea. I took my Emend (new anti-nausea medication) and the Dexamethasone (the other prescribed nausea medication) with my breakfast. I hung the laundry out and started another load. All the time the stomach was rumbly. I finished doing the laundry and hung it out and put in another 2 loads to dry in the dryer.

Then I sat and worked on knitting the first sock of the pair I'm making for my sister-in-law. Around 10:00 a.m. my stomach was again griping and nauseous. I have found that if I eat small amounts it helps. So I had another piece of toast to hold me through until lunch. Back to my knitting I went. As I got tired of knitting, I checked in on Facebook and my emails. Then back to the knitting. Around 11:30, I again started feeling a little nauseous and very tired. I had dozed off at the couch for a little bit. So I made an early bite for lunch of an open faced sandwich of cucumber and tomato. This is my attempt to eat small amounts to keep the nausea down but also to make sure my white blood cells counts can be boosted by the choices of food I eat. Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables help with that.

After my lunch, I went and laid down for a bit. I intended to read my current book called "Blue" by Danielle Steele that a friend has loaned to me. I didn't even get through a line before I was falling asleep. I closed the book and settled in for a nap. Hubby told me when I awoke that I had been out for 2 hours. I guess I was tired. I felt better after having the nap. I brought in the laundry from the line and the only things that needed to be finished in the dryer were 2 pairs of pants. They were almost completely dry except for the pockets.

The afternoon has continued to be a battle of the nausea and I'm relying on the prochlorperazine to help me with that. I really like the Emend as it works well. Unfortunately, today was the last of the Emend for this part of my chemo. To get me through the afternoon before dinner was served, I had some crackers with the cashew spread I bought a couple of weeks ago. It helped calm the nausea and for supper I enjoyed some barbecued zucchini, a small piece of potato and some carrots. I ate half of the crosscut steak that hubby brought home from the butcher. There is enough leftovers for us to have it all again tomorrow night. Tomorrow I will be going for my Pulmonary Functioning Test as part of the work up to make sure I'm healthy enough for the stem cell transplant.

I expect this evening to be a continuation of today. Intermittent nausea followed by prochlorperazine and me attempting to keep myself hydrated. I am hoping to be able to stay up long enough to watch my favourite series "Outlander".