In Waiting Mode

I didn't sleep well. I was awake most of the night. I just can't shut my brain off. I'm anxious. I'm just putting in time waiting for Admission Day and then the high dose chemo days at the end of this week. I'm scared. I'm knitting to pass the hours in the day. I'm trying to keep my mind busy so I don't think and worry. Knitting helps with that.

I really believe that God sees me worrying and trying to not worry. I think that God knows I'm scared. I try to acknowledge that fear during the daylight hours but it revisits my subconscious while I sleep. I think that God knows all this and as a result, I had two visitors today. A very good friend came by after having been in the area for an appointment. We had a lovely visit and it was so good to see her. I used to see her and another friend every week to make music together. I miss that but I did enjoy the short visit today. It lifted my spirits and helped distract me. She also gave me a book that I'm looking forward to getting into. It's called "Lectio Divina - The Sacred Art - Transforming Words & Images into Heart-Centered Prayer".

My other visitor today was my minister. She came by this afternoon and we shared communion together. As we went through a lovely prayer and "service" and then shared the bread and grape juice, I felt a mantle of peace fall over my shoulders. It was the first time in days that I didn't have an underlying current of anxiety. The peace of Christ was just what I needed. Prayer works and is very similar to meditation. Breathe deeply. Breathe in the peace of Christ. So after my minister's visit, I was filled with renewed peace.

My evening was short as my lack of sleep caught up with me. I went to bed around 8:30 and have just now awakened with a night sweat. I realized I hadn't posted for today. I need to remember to breathe deeply and pray for continued peace of mind. I will head back to bed now and pray not just for myself but for my friends and acquaintances that are also struggling with some major life issues.

Perhaps I've learned or been reminded today that being in "waiting mode" can mean spending it in prayer while I knit and while I can't sleep.