One Year After Stem Cell Transplant

Where do I begin?! I have so many blessings!! I have energy for DOING! Where do I begin? So I describe my week chronologically and try to remember the thoughts and emotions that were interspersed  with the activity.

Early last week, I decided to plan my annual Halloween dinner and also have it coincide with my first "birthday". I wanted to hold this dinner tomorrow, October 30. Unfortunately, it is during the work week and was going to be difficult to truly celebrate with friends. So after much discussion, Hubby and I decided to hold our annual Halloween dinner this past Saturday (October 27). I didn't get to have the dinner last year as I was in hospital. A year ago, I was feeling ill and awaiting my stem cell transplant. A year ago, I was filled with FEAR and ANXIETY of the unknown. Would I die? Would this process kill me? I am still here and now able to live life fully. I do know there is no cure but I'm feeling healthy now and that is what is important. So...back to earlier last week. I finally had a date for my dinner. Now to make the menu.

I always serve something made from meatloaf. In the past, I've made murdered meatloaf men or an amputated meatloaf foot. I was bored with those ideas. I wanted to make something different. So I came up with making individual bowls of chicken pot pie with a pastry hand with black olives for fingernails rising out of the bowl. Now this piqued my interest and excitement!

Now I needed to think about a potato side dish that would be spooky. I've sculpted a skull using mashed potatoes before but I didn't really want to try that again. So....what about mashed potato ghosts?! I've done that before but used caraway seeds for the eyes and I didn't like that. So what about making the mashed potato ghosts using green peas for eyes. Yes!!! Insert happy dance here as I was having fun thinking and creating.

So...now I have to think about appetizers. In the past, I have always made a jack-o-lantern cheese ball. Boring and predictable. What can I make that would be different? I know....I used the same cheese ball recipe but made individual cheese balls with dark tortilla chips and black olives to make "bat bites". Yes! They'll taste good and hopefully look like bats. Although after I made them and was putting them on the plate, I thought they looked a little like the storm trooper fighter ships in Star Wars. Oh well, too bad. They do look like bats.

Now while planning this meal, I really thought I should include some healthy options. So what's easier than a vegetable tray with some dip. Normally my vegetable dip is made with mayonnaise, shredded onion, honey and a few drops of hot sauce. This time, I substituted mashed avocado with a small amount of mayonnaise instead of all mayonnaise. I worked well and was very tasty. I had a plastic rat with red eyes that I had out as a decoration on Saturday. My friend moved the rat to sit by the avocado dip and voila.....you have rat barf. This was hilariously fun!! Of course, as I was plating the vegetables, I used beet juice from my pickled beets to draw lines in the crevices of the cauliflower to make them look like brains. This was so much fun to plan and execute!

The last item on my menu was a cocktail punch. I didn't have any idea what to make. I looked online for recipes for cocktails and nothing caught my attention. Then I came across a pamphlet that I had of various kinds of cocktails. I knew I wanted vodka to be in the punch. Didn't I find a recipe for a vodka cocktail that used pineapple juice and another kind of liqueur that I didn't have. I really didn't want to make the punch too strong so I decided to substitute orange juice for the liqueur. That would go well with the pineapple juice. Great! I have my punch planned. But......when I made it on Saturday night before my friends arrived, I tried it. Ooooohhhhhhh!!! It was too strong on the vodka!!! So I added frozen pineapple chunks to dilute and soak up some of the alcohol. Then I saw that I had some frozen blueberries. So I added that. I felt like I was over a cauldron (the punch bowl) adding a little bit of this and that. So I added the frozen blueberries just as our friends arrived on Saturday night. When I glanced at the punch bowl, I could see streaks of red throughout the punch coming from the blueberries that I had added. Yay!!! Very ghoulish!! My friend called it Bloodclot Punch. The floating blueberries really did look a little bit like blood clots.

I had lots of fun but this meal took lots of preparation and planning days in advance. I was exhausted by the end of the evening. And...we forgot to include and celebrate my "first" birthday as part of the evening. I knew I had another full day the next day, on Sunday. Weeks ago, I had agreed to make an announcement at the morning church service and also to provide 3 dozen cookies for the Covenenting Service for my new minister in the afternoon. I was very tired and exhausted by late yesterday (Sunday).

My plan for today was to rest. Take a breather after the many days of activity, fun and busyness. My plan was to sleep in. Somehow that never happens. I was awake early. By mid-morning today, I noticed the rain had stopped and there were leaves on the yard that needed to be raked. So I bundled up in several layers and went out to rake the leaves. I made sure that I wore one of my masks and had gardening gloves on. I'm sure the wet leaves would have some bacteria and mold on them. Once was outdoors raking, I did notice the leaves were full of moisture and very damp. Some were downright wet! I got the majority raked by mid-day but I was overheated and tired. I took off the top jacket (I still had 3 more layers under the jacket). I put away my rake and put the 2 bags of leaves in the garage. I will take them to the city composting depot tomorrow.

I then sat on the patio and enjoyed the coolness of the day. While sitting on the patio, I could hear the leaves audibly dropping onto the ground. I saw blue jays in the trees and could hear their raucous screech as they communicated. Then I saw one feed another. It was beautiful! The brilliant contrast of their blue and white plumage was breathtaking. The one blue jay very gently leaned forward with his/her beak and fed the other blue jay. I was stunned by the gentleness and care. I could also hear chickadees chattering away and then the loud crows in the area with their piercing caws echoing through the air. The crows' sound triggered the memory of waking up in the mornings at my grandpa's farm back in the 1970's. While I continued to sit on the patio, I could hear the light drizzle begin as the rain drops hit the leaves in the trees. What a soothing sound! The wind also was calming as it rustled through the leaves of the trees. The wind combined with the damply weighted leaves caused more leaves to float to the ground. While I sat on the patio relaxing, I chuckled as a big red maple leaf dive bombed me as it was blown through the air and landed on the patio near me.

As my eyes gazed around the patio, I noticed our garden hose sitting on the patio table. Hubby was waiting for it to warm up enough for the hose to be pliable that he could wind it up to put away for the winter. As I looked at the hose on the table, I could see water droplets brilliantly shining as they hung from the hose. I could even see the droplets glisten and grow as the weight of the additional moisture caused the drops to eventually fall to join the moisture on the patio. This was so serene and peaceful! A perfect little retreat to relax after a very busy time. As I focused on my body, I could feel the it relaxing and sinking heavily into a state of total relaxation. This continued as I watched and listened to the natural surroundings. I have always loved nature and camping. This morning suited me fine for the moment until I got chilled. Then I made my way inside the warmth and comfort of the house. I poured myself a nice hot cup of mint tea and gave myself permission to read for the afternoon.

My first birthday is tomorrow. How will I celebrate? I think Hubby and I will have dinner out. Maybe with some friends. I don't even know what restaurant we may choose to support. I know it will be in our downtown and it will be a local restaurant....not a franchise of a chain....but a truly local eatery.

I am feeling so blessed! I believe prayers have been answered and given me a respite from the lymphoma. I am feeling so very healthy and truly try to enjoy each day with family and friends. Life is absolutely great!!!

The Extraordinary Amongst The Ordinary

This past week has passed very quickly. My life has settled into an ordinary rhythm with just ordinary tasks. I spent the early part of this week working in my gardens and finally catching up on some of the weeding that has been neglected for years. At the same time, I put my flowerbeds to rest for the winter. On Tuesday, I harvested the rest of my beets and cooked up a pumpkin that had been given to us. On Wednesday, I made curried pumpkin soup and cleaned the beets. I still need to finish freezing the pumpkin puree and I believe I will make some beet pickles with the beets that I have cleaned. Also on Wednesday night, I went to dinner and a musical show with a couple of my friends from the "Grace Notes". While I was at the concert, BAM...exhaustion hit me mid-week and mid-show. I have been struggling ever since. I listened to my body Wednesday night and left the concert during the intermission to go home and go to bed. Yesterday, Thursday, I did our groceries and errands. It wiped me out. Today was a warm Autumn day and I took advantage of it to do some laundry and dry it on the line outside. I also mowed the lawn and took the opportunity to mulch the leaves with the lawn mower.

After cutting the grass, I decided to rest on the patio with a cup of tea sitting on the table at my elbow. The tea patiently sat there waiting for me to sip it. The wasps were sluggish and "dumb". It was easy to swat and kill them. While I sat in my lounger on the patio, I could hear the wind dancing through the trees. I found this very soothing while the leaves chattered in the wind. There were gusts of wind which caused the leaves to blow through the air and run across the green, lush grass in the wind. While sitting and watching all this, my clothing on the line caught my attention as it bucked and danced in the wind while it dried them. While I listened to the wind, it was accompanied by my wind chimes. These soothing sounds were abruptly interrupted by a motorized tractor labouring in my neighbour's yard and also by a train horn from the nearby railway tracks. I always have a sense of relief in the silence which is broken by the wind rushing through the trees.

As I mentioned, I was hit with exhaustion part way through the week. It manifests itself in sore hands, achy muscles, weariness, restlessness and a general feeling of being unsettled. As I sat on the patio, I was still exhausted but I was soothed by the surrounding bits of nature. When I first sat down in my lounger, the sun was gently warming me as it seeped through my sweatpants and into my weary bones. As I surveyed the patio, I noticed the various items that still need to be brought inside and put away for the winter. I looked at my little garden statue sitting on the patio. It was given to me many years ago as a Mother's Day present. The mother, sitting on her bench holding her baby cherub, is cracked and broken but her baby cherub is still whole and healthy. I look at this statue and it is a mirror of how I feel. The last several years have caused my body to be cracked and broken but my children are healthy and whole as I have tried to protect them from some of the harsh truths of life. Anyway, back to surveying my patio and I noticed another sculpture and several lanterns that need to be brought inside before winter. Then I noticed my teal coloured metal loon decoration. As the wind blew through it today, it spun and wobbled crazily. I found it hypnotizing and very relaxing to watch it spin. Soon it too, will have to be put away before winter. Our fire pot also needs to be brought out of the elements. I don't believe we will have any more little campfires this season. At the same time, my garden bistro set needs to be put away along with our patio table and chairs.

I sat long enough on the patio that the sun moved further west and my chair was now in the shade. I realized that there was a chill in the air to remind me it is Autumn and not Summer. On a day like today, I am happy to be off work and able to enjoy this last fling of a warm day. I was able to see the trees were getting ready to sleep for the winter. The leaves are drying out and curling on the branches. As they are partially dried, this explains the chattering sound as the wind blows through them and attempts to tear them off the trees.

Our bird feeder is still hanging in the tree but less birds are around to partake of the free meal. Today, a pair of mourning doves were grazing and eating seeds under the feeder. While they enjoyed their meal, a fat grey squirrel ran near them and the mourning doves scattered. The squirrel made its way to our pear tree and then over to the oak tree where it seemed to find some acorns. After the squirrel was near the oak tree, the mourning doves settled back down and returned to pecking at the fresh, cut grass. I could also hear some chickadees chattering away at the same time as sparrows chirped nearby.

Along with all this beautiful nature, my wind chimes were creating soothing and slightly sad music in the background. While listening to them, I recognized that the minor third was most prevalent in today's music. These wind chimes were a souvenir from our trip to PEI in 2014. The stained glass pendulum always reminds me of the ocean water and white breakers of the waves. The stained glass is full of swirling blues and whites. With the wind chimes and the opportunity to enjoy the nature in my backyard, it was a lazy, calming and meditating sort of afternoon. Other people might feel this way on a hot, sunny beach at the ocean's edge, but I like the moderate temperatures and green grass. In my backyard, I do miss the sounds of the waves. But today, if I listened closely, I could just hear it in the gusts of wind in the trees.

As I mulled my thoughts this afternoon, I remembered my former neighbour from when we lived in the country. She passed away very recently. Most of what I know about gardening, I learned from her. She used to have a wide variety of vegetables and fruits and used her bountiful harvests for freezing and canning. She was always a generous woman and shared her knowledge and bounty with me and my children. A few times, I did some hand stitching on her quilts with her. She was a lovely, warm and loyal Christian woman. I have many fond memories and am saddened to know that she has passed away. She will be remembered.

Post Stem Cell and Adjusting to the New Normal

After my maintenance treatment of Rituxan, I was pleased to see there were less ill effects. There was no infection in the injection site as I feared may happen. I had a couple of days of headaches and about a week of being really tired. However, it did not stop me from enjoying the late summer weather.

 My right eye has continued to water non-stop. I had my appointment with my ophthalmologist this past Wednesday. He carefully examined my eyes and there was great news. There were no growths. There were no scratches or issues with my eyes. Everything was stable and healthy. In his opinion, the stem cell transplant has affected my eyes' ability to lubricate and secrete enough tears. I have "dry eyes". So I am now having to permanently use eye drops to help lubricate my eyes. Over time, my eyes will stop watering but I will need to continue to use the drops. I can live with this.

In the past couple of weeks, I have enjoyed being busy. My church had a fundraising garage sale. It was different this year in that they rented tables to people who wanted to sell their "stuff". The people who rented tables got to keep the money from their items that they sold. BUT....they were also responsible for removing any unsold items. This meant the church/committee was not responsible for disposal of garbage, electronic waste, etc. The church also sold lunch and refreshments as part of the fundraiser. So I decided to rent a table and declutter some of my house. Last year at this time, I had gone through my music collection and put together piles of flute music, piano music and vocal music that I was willing to part with. At my table, I had baskets of music for sale. I was pleased with what I sold. Yes, some of my articles came back home with me but they just went back into the closets and cupboards where they came from. I was at the sale from 9 a.m. through to about 2:00 p.m. It wiped it me out and I was too tired to do much the next day.

I have been busy in my gardens harvesting tomatoes, beans, garlic, parsley, sage and onions. I need to do a major clean up as some of the gardens have not been touched this summer. Lots of weeding to be done. I am slowly catching up. Throughout the summer, I have been able to putter around and do the weeding but it is always dependent on my energy levels. I'm noticing that my endurance is getting better. I really enjoy working outdoors. I listen to the birds. I've had chickadees perch almost beside my shoulder in the trees. They chirp at me as I pull weeds. This past week, I cleaned up an area of the flowerbed that hasn't been touched in a few years. I was able to dig out some persistent weeds and tubers of plants. I transplanted some new plants into the area.

While I was away in August, I had one cherry tomato plant that exploded in growth. I have been picking my tomatoes regularly as they ripen. I have made lots of tomato sauce and frozen many of the tomatoes. The weather cooled down this past week and so I decided to harvest the rest of the tomatoes off this one plant (I still have 5 other cherry tomato plants to tackle). I ended up with at least 16 quarts of green tomatoes. On Saturday, I made and canned a batch (8 quarts of green tomatoes) of Green Tomato Chow Chow. It is a recipe that I use out of our church cookbook that we published in 2004. The recipes in the book were all original or "heirloom" recipes (handed down through the families). A lady in my congregation indicated the Green Tomato Chow Chow was her great-grandmother's recipe. Her great-grandmother had lived in New Brunswick. On Saturday, the house smelled wonderful with the scents of onion, tomato, cider vinegar. This is like a chunky relish and it has a spicy bite to it. I love it on sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers and on top of meats. I will be starting another batch tonight to use up the rest of the green tomatoes I harvested on Friday.

It is raining here today and is supposed to rain tomorrow as well. This will give me the opportunity to clean the house and catch up on indoor "chores". Thanksgiving is approaching this coming weekend and I want to get some baking done for that as well. In the last couple of weeks, I've been enjoying life with friends. There have been some small campfires here and at our friends' home. I find it mesmerizing and relaxing to watch the flames dance around the logs. I love seeing the blue hues as gases are released from the wood. It is the time of year though, where I feel my hips getting cold while we are around the fire. Out come the old blankets and afghans to wrap around me so I can enjoy these last days of summer.

Yesterday, Hubby took me out on The Goldwing for a brief ride. The weather was forecasted to be overcast with sunny breaks but no rain until late in the evening. The temperature yesterday afternoon was supposed to reach 15 degrees Celsius. We bundled up with in layers and with the inner linings in our motorcycle jackets. Off we went. We travelled north of the city so that we could see the changing leaves. We will have to go out again in a week or so because the leaves were just starting to change colour. We travelled through one of our favourite areas near Desert Lake. The road is full of hills and is twisting with some sharp turns. As you come over the top of a hill, you see a lake at the bottom and the road will turn 90 degrees to go around the tip of the lake. It is a beautiful ride. As we climbed a hill on this road, we saw 4 deer off to the right grazing on some uncut grass near a cottage. A little further along, we had to slow down as rafter (flock) of wild turkeys crossed the road. As we continued our ride, a mist developed. Enough moisture was falling that my helmet and the

windscreen on the bike were covered in water. Hubby turned towards home. Once we arrived back in the city, we went to our local butcher and picked up a piece of ribeye steak to barbecue for dinner. I didn't realize it until this morning, but yesterday was my 11 month celebration of my stem cell transplant. Hubby recognized the significance of the date yesterday. Hence, the steak and fun ride to celebrate life.

I also finally had my hair cut in the style I had before my diagnosis a year ago. It has taken this long for the hair to grow in even enough to style. I had it trimmed in June but that was just to even the hair out. My hair dresser indicated on Thursday that the hair is still coming in but she was able to cut it and make it look good. She praised me on my patience while it grew in. I was not liking how it was bushy as it got longer. After she cut my hair on Thursday, the floor of the salon was filled with tight, red curls. I've gone back to short hair on the sides and back with the hair being longer on top. This way, I will still have my natural waves (maybe tight curls) on the top. I don't like hair hanging in my face and it had got long enough on the sides that the curls were curling into my face and eyes. I'm happy. I never really complained bitterly about my hair looking bushy and a bit like a clown because....it's hair! It was better than not having any hair and being a cue ball.

So I sign off on this dreary day. It's time to get to "work", be ac
After my maintenance treatment of Rituxan, I was pleased to see there were less ill effects. There was no infection in the injection site as I feared may happen. I had a couple of days of headaches and about a week of being really tired. However, it did not stop me from enjoying the late summer weather.

 My right eye has continued to water non-stop. I had my appointment with my ophthalmologist this past Wednesday. He carefully examined my eyes and there was great news. There were no growths. There were no scratches or issues with my eyes. Everything was stable and healthy. In his opinion, the stem cell transplant has affected my eyes' ability to lubricate and secrete enough tears. I have "dry eyes". So I am now having to permanently use eye drops to help lubricate my eyes. Over time, my eyes will stop watering but I will need to continue to use the drops. I can live with this.

In the past couple of weeks, I have enjoyed being busy. My church had a fundraising garage sale. It was different this year in that they rented tables to people who wanted to sell their "stuff". The people who rented tables got to keep the money from their items that they sold. BUT....they were also responsible for removing any unsold items. This meant the church/committee was not responsible for disposal of garbage, electronic waste, etc. The church also sold lunch and refreshments as part of the fundraiser. So I decided to rent a table and declutter some of my house. Last year at this time, I had gone through my music collection and put together piles of flute music, piano music and vocal music that I was willing to part with. At my table, I had baskets of music for sale. I was pleased with what I sold. Yes, some of my articles came back home with me but they just went back into the closets and cupboards where they came from. I was at the sale from 9 a.m. through to about 2:00 p.m. It wiped it me out and I was too tired to do much the next day.

I have been busy in my gardens harvesting tomatoes, beans, garlic, parsley, sage and onions. I need to do a major clean up as some of the gardens have not been touched this summer. Lots of weeding to be done. I am slowly catching up. Throughout the summer, I have been able to putter around and do the weeding but it is always dependent on my energy levels. I'm noticing that my endurance is getting better. I really enjoy working outdoors. I listen to the birds. I've had chickadees perch almost beside my shoulder in the trees. They chirp at me as I pull weeds. This past week, I cleaned up an area of the flowerbed that hasn't been touched in a few years. I was able to dig out some persistent weeds and tubers of plants. I transplanted some new plants into the area.

While I was away in August, I had one cherry tomato plant that exploded in growth. I have been picking my tomatoes regularly as they ripen. I have made lots of tomato sauce and frozen many of the tomatoes. The weather cooled down this past week and so I decided to harvest the rest of the tomatoes off this one plant (I still have 5 other cherry tomato plants to tackle). I ended up with at least 16 quarts of green tomatoes. On Saturday, I made and canned a batch (8 quarts of green tomatoes) of Green Tomato Chow Chow. It is a recipe that I use out of our church cookbook that we published in 2004. The recipes in the book were all original or "heirloom" recipes (handed down through the families). A lady in my congregation indicated the Green Tomato Chow Chow was her great-grandmother's recipe. Her great-grandmother had lived in New Brunswick. On Saturday, the house smelled wonderful with the scents of onion, tomato, cider vinegar. This is like a chunky relish and it has a spicy bite to it. I love it on sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers and on top of meats. I will be starting another batch tonight to use up the rest of the green tomatoes I harvested on Friday.

It is raining here today and is supposed to rain tomorrow as well. This will give me the opportunity to clean the house and catch up on indoor "chores". Thanksgiving is approaching this coming weekend and I want to get some baking done for that as well. In the last couple of weeks, I've been enjoying life with friends. There have been some small campfires here and at our friends' home. I find it mesmerizing and relaxing to watch the flames dance around the logs. I love seeing the blue hues as gases are released from the wood. It is the time of year though, where I feel my hips getting cold while we are around the fire. Out come the old blankets and afghans to wrap around me so I can enjoy these last days of summer.

Yesterday, Hubby took me out on The Goldwing for a brief ride. The weather was forecasted to be overcast with sunny breaks but no rain until late in the evening. The temperature yesterday afternoon was supposed to reach 15 degrees Celsius. We bundled up with in layers and with the inner linings in our motorcycle jackets. Off we went. We travelled north of the city so that we could see the changing leaves. We will have to go out again in a week or so because the leaves were just starting to change colour. We travelled through one of our favourite areas near Desert Lake. The road is full of hills and is twisting with some sharp turns. As you come over the top of a hill, you see a lake at the bottom and the road will turn 90 degrees to go around the tip of the lake. It is a beautiful ride. As we climbed a hill on this road, we saw 4 deer off to the right grazing on some uncut grass near a cottage. A little further along, we had to slow down as rafter (flock) of wild turkeys crossed the road. As we continued our ride, a mist developed. Enough moisture was falling that my helmet and the windscreen on the bike were covered in water. Hubby turned towards home. Once we arrived back in the city, we went to our local butcher and picked up a piece of rib eye steak to barbecue for dinner. I didn't realize it until this morning, but yesterday was my 11 month celebration of my stem cell transplant. Hubby recognized the significance of the date yesterday. Hence, the steak and fun ride to celebrate life.

I also finally had my hair cut in the style I had before my diagnosis a year ago. It has taken this long for the hair to grow in even enough to style. I had it trimmed in June but that was just to even the hair out. My hair dresser indicated on Thursday that the hair is still coming in but she was able to cut it and make it look good. She praised me on my patience while it grew in. I was not liking how it was bushy as it got longer. After she cut my hair on Thursday, the floor of the salon was filled with tight, red curls. I've gone back to short hair on the sides and back with the hair being longer on top. This way, I will still have my natural waves (maybe tight curls) on the top. I don't like hair hanging in my face and it had got long enough on the sides that the curls were curling into my face and eyes. I'm happy. I never really complained bitterly about my hair looking bushy and a bit like a clown because....it's hair! It was better than not having any hair and being a cue ball.

So I sign off on this dreary day. It's time to get to "work", be active and enjoy the simple things in life.

Rituxan Maintenance Treatment and Subsequent Effects

When I went to my oncologist appointment on Wednesday, I mentioned my concerns about infections to him. The good news is that I have managed to keep my weight somewhat stable since June. The reality is I had gained weight while on holidays (lots of restaurant eating) and have managed to lose most of it. My blood levels seem to be good. Due to my concerns about infections, the doctor is having another blood test done on blood that was taken just before my rituxan treatment on Thursday. After my appointment on Wednesday, I really enjoyed seeing some of my co-workers and my manager from my job in the Tuck Shop at the hospital. Before I worked at the hospital, it had the association of chemotherapy treatments and negative feelings. Now, I look forward to seeing the people that I have worked with and also other employees in the hospital that I used to always greet with a smile. They still remember me! It warms my heart.

My rituxan maintenance treatment was on Thursday. Thursday morning, I had a wonderful time with a friend of mine who I play music with. We made some music (and some mistakes) and shared laughter and friendship. Due to my eyes, we weren't able to play for the full hour so we then continued to share our friendship over a cup of tea. Before I knew it, it was time for me to leave. The morning went so quickly! I drove home, had some lunch and then caught the bus to the hospital. I deliberately arrived early because I wanted to visit with more co-workers and also drop in on the stem cell unit. I went up to Kidd 4 where I always went for my stem cell appointments. What a shock and surprise to see the office completely cleared out. They have obviously moved to somewhere else in the hospital. Eventually, I found out they were up on Kidd 9. The elevators were very busy and I knew that I would make it up to Kidd 9 quicker by taking the stairs. Well.....I was reminded that I'm still not in the best shape. I was huffing and puffing by the time I reached Kidd 7. Two more flights of stairs to go!!! I was glad there was no one else around as I sucked air greedily. I bent over to catch my breath. I considered sitting down on the steps to rest but realized that I might have trouble getting back up and going. So after a brief respite, I continued on. By the time I reached the stem cell unit, I truly was in need of a chair. Despite my breathlessness, the nurses were really pleased with how I looked. I'm looking very healthy. Of course, I do have rosy cheeks, but my face might have been a little more ruddy and red due to the climb up the steps. I had a lovely visit with the nurses. They were in awe of how much hair I have and how curly it is. Truthfully, it is in need of a trim. That will take place next week....at the hospital hair salon. After my visit in the stem cell unit, I purposely looked for one of my co-workers that I haven't seen in a long time. I found her. We had a brief visit as my chemo lab appointment was coming up quickly. Off I went in my usual brisk walk over to the Cancer Centre.

My appointment was for 2:00. I arrived slightly before as I needed to register at the front desk first. I had the same lady handle my registration as I did on Wednesday when I registered for my doctor's appointment. I then made my way up to the chemo lab. In 2012, I used to have anxiety when I went for chemo appointments. Even as recently as last year, I can remember being in the midst of chemo treatments and having anxiety and feeling ill while waiting for my appointment. On Thursday, it was just like a routine doctor's visit. When the nurse called my name, I looked up and didn't recognize her. She recognized me though. Because on Wednesday, blood had been taking out of my right arm, the nurse wanted to insert the IV into my left arm. She wasn't pleased about the choices of veins, so she saw a vein on the inside of my wrist that she thought might work. As she inserted the needle, I felt it sting like never before. I mentioned it to her and she thought everything was fine. She took the blood needed for the blood test and then went to flush the site. The pain was very uncomfortable. I have had many flushes in the last year and it has never hurt like that. I mentioned again that it was very sore. The nurse just thought I was extra sensitive.....until she looked at the site. It was swelling and already bruised looking. The flush was not going into the vein! She took the IV out and decided to go for the vein on the top of my left hand. This worked better. My treatment took 2 1/2 hours to complete which took me to 4:30 p.m. The nurse was finished her shift at 4:00 p.m. She packed up her stuff and went. The "late shift" nurse took over. I have had her work with me before. I do remember her. When she came to take out my IV at the end of my treatment, she also took off the covering over the original site on the inside of my wrist. It was very swollen, red and purple. She was concerned. She suggested that perhaps I should keep my ID bracelet on in case I need to make an emergency visit....in case I get phlebitis or cellulitis. I've had both in the past. I had phlebitis when my son was born by C-section 24 years ago. I had cellulitis last August in my chemo treatment cycle. So I'm spending my weekend keeping a close eye on that left wrist.

After my chemo appointment on Thursday, a very good friend came down to the Cancer Centre to drive me home. The benadryl that is always given to me before the treatment had put me into a very tired mode. Thursday night, I was in bed by 8:00. Hubby tucked me in and told me on Friday morning that I wasn't making much sense when I went to bed Thursday night.  Yesterday, I did 2 loads of laundry and picked some more tomatoes. That was enough. My wrist was swelling up. I wanted to play piano but again, the wrist was not up to the activity. Last night, it was aching enough to keep me awake. This morning, I am fighting a headache which is a side effect of the rituxan. I'm also feeling weary. I've done a load of laundry early this morning and hung it outside. These were clothes and blankets from our little campfire last Saturday. I needed to get them washed to get rid of the campfire smoke smell. I really like seeing my wash hang on the line. For some reason, it gives me great satisfaction to hang it up and then watch it sway in the breeze. Although today, there is not that much of a breeze. If the wash doesn't dry completely by the end of the day, I'll throw it in the dryer.

I was hoping to cut the grass today too but I seem to have run out of energy. I will be taking some tylenol to fight the headache that is just there. It doesn't help that there is hammering and noise going on as we have a leak fixed in the roof. I haven't heard Hubby or the man who's working on the roof fall off. This is always my fear. So I'm having a fairly uneventful weekend. I'm hoping that I'll be able to go to church tomorrow. I like seeing the people in my church. It is like an extended family and I know they truly care about each other. I went last week and met our new minister for the first time. I really, really liked her sermon and her manner. It makes me want to go back. We'll see how I'm doing tomorrow.

Reality Check and Anxiety

As my blog has shown, I have had a fantastic time of relief from doctors' appointments, tests and treatments. I have enjoyed a great holiday, outings with friends and visits with friends and family. I've lived in the moment and lived one day at a time. Carpe diem....seize the day...wring as much joy out of my existence as I can.

I knew that I had another rituxan maintenance chemo treatment coming up in September. I thought it would be the end of September. I got a reality check yesterday afternoon when the chemo lab called with my appointment for my treatment. It is on Thursday.....of this week. As usual, I will have a check up with my oncologist the day before.....that's tomorrow.

This reality check came after another weekend of fun with my hubby and with friends. I went to the Craft Beer and Ribfest on Saturday afternoon, had a campfire with really good friends on Saturday night and went with Hubby to the Multicultural Festival on Sunday. This was after finally making it to church on Sunday morning where I met up with my "church family" who I haven't seen in many months. It was a morning full of warmth and love. I enjoyed the food and activity at the Multicultural Festival. But....while I enjoyed my weekend, I also was struggling with an eye infection which has now spread to both eyes. I also had an infection develop in a scratch on my hand while I was away on holidays. The scratch has fully healed but these infections worry me because it is a reminder that my immune system is not 100%. I think this is only the third eye infection in my life. I bought drops on Sunday but they don't seem to be helping. I will be mentioning this to my oncologist tomorrow.

My sudden appointments this week and the eye infections are a harsh reminder that all is not rosy in my world. I can live life to the fullest. This is not keeping me down but it is a reminder that my immune system is not and may not ever function at 100%. This is a reminder that, yes, there is no cure for the follicular lymphoma. This is a reminder that my life is probably shortened and I need to live just one day at a time. So I'm in the process of making arrangements for transportation to my treatment on Thursday. I can drive myself there but my mind will be impaired after the treatment and I probably shouldn't drive home. As a compromise and so I am not an imposition, I will probably take the bus to my treatment. Then I just need to find a ride home.

So after living life fully for the summer, I am back to living with some anxiety regarding infections. Is this a downturn of my health? Is the lymphoma working on me more again? Will I have to go for more tests again? I find it ironic that this all is happening as our weather has turned cool, grey, dreary and rainy. I am not going to wallow in this dreary, emotional place but I am acknowledging it so that I can move upwards and onwards. The rituxan treatment will make me feel like I have the flu and I will be very tired. I will feel cold. I will ache. I will have headaches/sinus aches. I may feel nauseous again. On Thursday, I will receive some benadryl before the treatment which will make me very tired and sleepy.

As I was writing this last paragraph, it is grey and raining outside. I looked out my living room window from my couch and I saw two small children waiting for the school bus across the street. They are wearing brightly coloured boots that popped against the grey morning. The little boy is wearing a bright blue raincoat. His older sister is  wearing a bright pink scarf at the neck of her dark blue raincoat. Their mom is waiting with them and has rusty coloured lab-kind of dog on a leash. The dog is bright eyed and alert as he/she hears the bus coming. The ears are pointed forward as he/she looks up the street. The tail is up and alert.This was a beautiful splash of colour in life that has appeared just as I was feeling sorry for myself.

Life is worth living each day fully. I do have a raincoat. Perhaps I'll put it on and go for a walk in the drizzle. I need to pick up a bicycle helmet so that I can take out my "new" (to me) bike and learn to ride again. Or I'll put on my raincoat and play in my garden in the drizzle. Fear can take me to a dark place if I let it. I am not going to let it take me there. So yes....I've had a reality check and reminder of how things are and may be. I have no timeline except for the appointments this week. So why waste a day feeling sorry for myself when I can seize it and walk in the rain. According to the television, it will be warmer today. Why not indulge and walk in the rain. Maybe go geocaching. Maybe pick more tomatoes. Maybe just walk. Maybe I'll just buy myself some nice bright red rubber boots like the little girl across the street. Carpe diem....seize the day!

Catching Up

So it's been a couple of weeks since I last posted. I'm still feeling well and my health seems to be good. When I left to go on our 3 week holiday on The Goldwing, my vegetable garden was limping along due to lack of rain. I kept watering it with the rainwater from our rain barrel, but the barrel had also dried up. I even kept the gardens alive and getting ready to produce by watering with our municipal water. I prefer the rainwater that I collect because it doesn't have any chlorine in it.

When I arrived home a couple of weeks ago, my garden had exploded with growth and produce in that 3 week period. My son, who was home during our holidays, indicated that we had lots of rain. My 2 little cucumber plants had thrived and were full of cucumbers. My little tomato plants that I thought were going to die, had thrived exceptionally well. The one plant has grown out of the garden and onto my patio and up through my patio table. It is full of blossoms. I have been picking tomatoes every 2 days for the last 2 weeks. My freezer is full of cherry tomatoes. I have been snacking on tomatoes right from the vine while I work outside. I need to be out again today to pick them. It is extremely hot today and so I will wait and pick them this evening when it is slightly cooler. My beets also thrived while I was away. I have frozen beets in my freezer now ready for me to eat them during the winter. I still have more beets that I'm waiting to finish growing before I pull them from the garden. I have harvested my garlic bulbs. Some I will use a seeds and replant this Fall yet.

So the last 2 weeks have been spent harvesting and weeding my gardens and keeping up with the laundry. My son moved away for good to start his own career and life. It was a sad day this past weekend when I saw him driving away. I know he will come back to visit but it will be just that....a visit. So I happily did loads of laundry as my last effort to "mother" him before he moved away this past Saturday. Saturday night, Hubby and I were distracted from missing our son as we went to our friends' place for a campfire and visit. Hubby also surprised me with an overnight trip to Syracuse (not on The Goldwing this time) to see the Buffalo Bisons (Toronto Blue Jays affiliate) play against the Syracuse Chiefs (Washington Nationals affiliate) on Sunday and Monday.

I was really pleased to see Vladimir Guerrero Jr, Dwight Smith Jr., and Richard Urena play for the Bisons. These were names that I recognized and had seen play on television while up with the Blue Jays at various times. Guerrero Jr. hasn't played with the Toronto Blue Jays since the exhibition game in Montreal in the Spring. But he definitely is creating lots of buzz and excitement and it was good to see him play. I also recognized the Bisons' first base coach. He used to play for the Blue Jays out in centre field. It was Devon White. Unfortunately, the Bisons lost both games and ended their season. The Chiefs also were finished for the season as they didn't make the playoffs either. The Syracuse Chiefs have been bought by the New York Mets and so the season ticket holders were sad to be leaving this season. Next season may bring a new name to the club.

After our 24+ hours away, yesterday was spent doing more laundry. You see, at the game on Monday, I had signed up to be part of a Diamond Giveaway which took place at the end of the game. 100 women ran onto the field each wielding a small wooden spoon and we had to dig in the dirt between the first, second and third base bags. There were three poker chips buried 1/2 inch to 1 inch below the surface and each corresponded with a prize. One chip was for a diamond pendant necklace. A second chip was for a pair of diamond stud earrings. The third chip was for a prize pack of Syracuse Chiefs swag. During the game, I had deduced that the chips would not be along the baselines because the runners' cleats would dig the chips out. I also didn't believe the chips would be where the basemen stand because, again, their cleats would dig up the chips. The rules of this contest also stated that the chips would not be within 2 feet of the grass infield or the grass outfield. During the game, I figured that most of the women would run to the dirt between first and second because it was closest to where we all started out from. Not me! I decided to run to a spot between where the third baseman and shortstop would place themselves. I merrily dug away at the hardened dirt with my little wooden spoon. I wore it down to nothing and then I saw security and Chiefs staff with piles of wooden spoons. I called out for another spoon and kept digging. I had a lot of fun digging in the dirt. It reminded me of when I was a child and a bit of a tomboy. I used to love playing in the mud and dirt. So I played in the red dirt and dust of the ball field. I didn't win anything but I certainly had fun. Yesterday, I was feeling some aches and pains.

It was a good thing that last night we were having Hubby's cousin and his aunt over for a visit over tea and dessert. I was forced to keep moving and keep the achy muscles limbered up while I finally tackled cleaning the house after having been away on our holidays. In addition to madly cleaning the house (it really needed it), I did the laundry from our trip away and I made a zucchini loaf and a zucchini cake for our dessert last night. Today, I am tired. The heat has gotten to me. The temperature with the humidity is pushing 40 degrees celsius today. So I'm catching up on some paperwork and the blog.

I will probably spend this afternoon trying to figure out the answers to some puzzle caches for my geocaching hobby. I'm not very good at these puzzle caches but I've been told that you just have to work at it and gain the experience. This will be a good task on this hot afternoon. I will also take some breaks and play the piano for my own enjoyment. I am finding the house quiet after having my son home for the summer. It's been a great summer for me and I continue to enjoy my time off work and my break from doctors' appointments.

The only appointments I have had in July and August has been to see my family doctor and continue to get my vaccinations like a young child. Due to my stem cell transplant, I am required to get Hepatitis B shots. These are not optional. There is a shortage of the vaccine in my town. I have managed to find enough for my 2 shots so far. My next Hep B shot isn't until January. I'm hoping that there will be more vaccine available for me by then. Thank goodness for Hubby's health plan because they help cover the cost. Our medicare doesn't cover these shots and they cost $200 per shot. I can't imagine the financial strain on cancer patients' families who don't have insurance benefits and coverage. Hubby's has been a godsend throughout my process and treatments. I have lots and lots of blessings to be thankful for.

VACATION DAYS 17 to 21

Vacation Day 17 - August 15 - Hanover to Desboro

Our destination today is to go to visit my brother on his farm. We don't want to arrive too early as he has just arrived from out of town himself last night. We need to be out of our lodgings by 11 a.m. So we got up and walked to a local restaurant for breakfast. The morning is already very hot and humid. It's oppressively sweltering as we walked across a newly paved parking area. The heat was just reflecting back up to us through our shoes and from the ground. As we ate our breakfast, we planned our day. We decided to be fair to my brother and not arrive there until after lunch. So we decided to go looking for geocaches in Hanover before climbing on the bike and taking the back roads to my brother's farm. After leaving the restaurant, we walked across to the raceway to find 2 geocaches. One was a quick find although we were out in the open and I'm sure we were watched by the trainers sitting outside the barns while one of their horses was put through the paces on the track. I'm also sure that customers from the racetrack dining area were able to see us look for the one geocache. The other geocache was trickier. We decided not to go into the woods to look for it. We were wearing shorts and short socks. I did not want to accidentally walk into a patch of poison ivy or get some ticks on us. So we walked back to our lodgings, loaded up The Goldwing and checked out.

Our next stop was to find a geocache nearby. Hubby looked and looked. I figured it out pretty quickly because I had seen one like this in North Carolina a few years ago. We hopped back on the bike and made our way to our next geocache location. We spent a good hour or more here as we enjoyed the peacefulness and shade. We did see a white caterpillar that we recognized from a news article as being labelled as poisonous. We were sure not to touch it. It was beautiful but there are spines on it that are poisonous and can cause swelling, pain and itching similar to bee stings.  Finally it is time to hop on The Goldwing to continue our trip.

Our back roads trek to the farm was beautiful. The fields look good and healthy. We rode through a Mennonite area and saw a farmer with his big wagon full of hay bales being pulled by a couple of horses towards his barn. We saw women and children working in their gardens. We saw a young man driving his horse and cart along a side road. He waited for us to go by on The Goldwing and he waved as we went by. Then we arrived at "The Farm". My sister-in-law welcomed us with warm smiles and enthusiasm. My brother was out in the field working hard to bring in the harvest before the forecasted rain for the next day.

My sister-in-law visited with us and then included us in her travels as she had some errands to do. She showed interest in our geocaching hobby and so on the way, we stoppped to find a local geocache around the corner. She seemed to be hooked. We went into Chesley to do the errands and she took us to a beautiful little memorial park with an old railway trestle. Lo and behold, there was a geocache in the park! We really enjoyed learning about the history of the area with the display that was set up. In the park, we also saw a van and driver who had brought some Mennonite young people to the park. They were from the Kitchener area and in the Chesley area for a wedding. Before we made our walk to the railway trestle, we looked for the geocache. I had the GPS but my sister-in-law saw the little cache before Hubby or I. She was so excited to see it. We enjoyed our walk through the park and the visit with my sister-in-law. When we climbed back into her car, she took us with her as she picked up a couple of items from the grocery store. Then on the way back to "The Farm", she took us to a beautiful lake that I had no idea was in the area. There was a small public access park that she knew about. She used to take my nephews here when they were little boys. After spending some peaceful time wading in the water, it was time to climb back in the car and return to make dinner.

We enjoyed a lovely dinner with my sister-in-law and nephew while my brother continued to work a very long day getting his grain in. We did see him and visit briefly with him when he came in after 9 p.m. for his dinner. He was very tired and I had great sympathy for him. We all headed to bed as we all were feeling tired but my brother was exhausted.

Vacation Day 18 - August 16 - Desboro to Kitchener

I awoke around 7:00. I realized my sister-in-law was not up yet and my brother and nephew were most likely in the barn doing the milking and chores. I quietly read some farm magazines and then got myself dressed and went upstairs to the kitchen. My sister-in-law was up and we spent time on the front porch with our coffee. Hubby joined us a little bit later. It was warm and muggy but there was a nice breeze. It was decided to have a fully cooked breakfast and treat my brother to this when he arrived in from the barn around 8:30-9:00. My nephew had already been in, changed and left for his day at the office. It was great to see him. I saw my other nephew briefly as he had arrived from a business trip late the day before. He dropped in on his way to work just long enough to say hello. We enjoyed our breakfast with my brother but he was still so tired. The skies were full of cumulous clouds that looked like they could build up to a thunderstorm. After my sister-in-law and I had cleaned up from breakfast, my brother went for a nap and Hubby treated my sister-in-law to a ride on The Goldwing. She was full of smiles when she arrived back about a half hour later. While they were gone, I had continued to clean up from breakfast and get our things packed up. Once The Goldwing was back in the laneway, Hubby and I loaded up the bike and said our goodbyes. My brother had been up and away on the ATV do check on something but he was back and we were able to say a brief goodbye. Off we went back onto the roads leading to Kitchener.

Due to the construction season, our ride down to Kitchener took us along roads that I had not been on in over 30 years! It was wonderful and a ride down memory lane for me. As we approached the area of Waterloo Region, we could see the sky getting nasty looking. Not far away were two systems of clouds that were very dark and threatening. We were still riding in sunlight but it wouldn't be for long. Hubby was looking for a place that was safe to pull over and we could put on our rain gear. He finally found an intersection where both roads were paved. He pulled over to the side on some pavement and we quickly donned our rain pants and coats. Thank goodness we did! The wind picked up and the sky went black. Then the rain pelted us so hard it felt like hail but it wasn't. Visibility was terrible. Hubby had his hands full trying to keep the bike upright. The wind was so strong, my helmet felt like it was being pulled upwards. I'm sure if it wasn't a good fit and the it wasn't strapped on, it would have been gone. We were so glad to survive that storm and arrive at my brother's home in Kitchener! We stripped off the rain gear and had to hang it to dry. The rain had even managed to make my seat wet where I had been sitting! But our rain gear did its job and our motorcycle jackets and our clothes were good and dry. Hubby had made an appointment while in Desboro to have his front tire replaced at the Honda dealership in Kitchener. So he and my brother went off to drop off The Goldwing and bring Hubby back home. The bike will be picked up in a couple of days.

We ended our day with a great visit with my brother and sister-in-law. It was good to get some laundry done and have clean clothes again. We enjoyed a sushi dinner at one of their local restaurants. I guess my son had introduced my sister-in-law to this restaurant when he had visited them earlier in the summer.

Vacation Day 19 - August 17 - Kitchener

I really enjoy visiting my brother. He is a morning person just like me and we always have a visit to ourselves while Hubby and my sister-in-law sleep in. I always look forward to enjoying my coffee on my brother's back deck in the early mornings with him. We just visit quietly and listen to the birds. Once we were all up on this day, we went for brunch at a restaurant called A Dish Called Wanda. This tickled my funny bone because I love the movie "A Fish Called Wanda"! It was very busy and we weren't in a hurry. We chatted and earlier we had decided to go the horse races this particular night. The longer we waited, we realized that we would not need to worry about trying to fit dinner into our race plans. This suited us just fine! I felt sorry for the poor server who was the only one serving a packed restaurant. We did enjoy making her laugh and give us brief smiles as she was run off her feet. Even one of the kitchen staff had to come out and help the server deliver food. It was good food though.  After our "brunch", we returned to my brother's home and put in time until it was time to head to the races.

We all had a great time! My brother was the "big" winner of the four of us. Even he didn't win "big" but we all had fun.The ride back to my brother's home took us through a torrential downpour and thunderstorm. We had to wait in the car in the driveway for the rain to let up slightly so we could make the dash into the house.

Vacation Day 20 - August 18 - Kitchener

The rain from the night before finally broke some of the oppressive humidity and the morning visit on the deck was very enjoyable. It was decided to have my mother come for dinner at his house that evening. I love visiting my brother because it is always very laid back and I always seem to relax and feel refreshed. This day was no different. Once Hubby awoke and was coherent, my brother, Hubby and I went in my brother's car to drop Hubby off at the Honda dealership to pick up The Goldwing. Then my brother and I went off to do some groceries before returning to his home. I have always been close to my brother and we enjoy whatever time we have together. Once we arrived "home", we all settled down to watch the Blue Jays play baseball until it was time to make dinner. My mom arrived and we enjoyed a visit with her too until dinner.

For dinner, my brother barbecued some steak and baked potatoes. I made a caesar salad and my sister-in-law made some vegetables. My mom brought rhubarb pie for dessert. I opened my mead that I had bought earlier on in our vacation and shared it amongst all of us. It received mixed reviews. Hubby thought it was too sweet. My sister-in-law and I liked it. My brother thought it was OK but a bit on the sweet side. This was the semi-sweet mead. I liked it just fine. We enjoyed some coffee while we played a game of Hearts (cards). My mom won the game.

We were all tired and after my mom left to return home, we were soon in bed for the night. I didn't hear it but I guess there was a party going on behind the house that kept Hubby and my sister-in-law up until after midnight. I must have been very tired to not have heard it.

Vacation Day 21 - August 19 - Kitchener to Kingston

I woke up around 7 and made my way to the deck to visit with my brother. I was very surprised to see my sister-in-law on the deck too! She is not a morning person! This is when I heard about the party from the night before. We visited until close to 8 when I woke Hubby and we all went to my brother's regular breakfast spot. We enjoyed a full breakfast together and then returned "home". My brother had to head over to my mom's to do some chores so Hubby, sister-in-law and I visited a little longer. She took their dog for a walk while Hubby and I packed up our belongings and started loading the bike. We said our good byes after she arrived back home and we were on the road by 10 a.m. We chose to ride across country and avoid the major highway 401. Our big breakfast held us through so we didn't need to stop for lunch. We stopped for gas and a snack in Hastings. There was an antique car show going on and the little village was very busy. The roads were also busy probably due to the end of The Havelock Country Jamboree. Our son had gone there for 4 days and I half expected to see him on the road. The line up this year included Toby Keith, Tim Hicks and Dean Brody among others. We didn't come across our son but the roads were busy. Closer to Napannee, we were on a paved back road that we had never been on before. A small river ran along beside the road and I saw a turtle sunning itself on a rock in the middle of the stream. It must have been there for some time because the shell wasn't shiny and wet. It was alive though as I could see the head lifted up and looking around.

We finally made it home about 5:30. I am really tired. Our son was home as well and he was also tired. We had been in touch with him while we stopped for gas in Hastings. We had indicated to him that we would take him out for supper once we got home and unloaded. We kept our word and ended up at the local St. Louis Wings restaurant. They had a promotion for all you can eat ribs so we took advantage of that. I didn't realize I was so tired. I ate my ribs and just wanted to go to bed. It was an early night for both Hubby and I.

August 20

I am still very tired after a disrupted sleep. Our cat has obviously missed us. He did not want to leave me alone during the night. Today I will unpack and start some laundry. My garden is full of tomatoes ready to be picked. My beets need to be picked. My garlic needs to be harvested. My garden is full of weeds and needs to be cleaned up. I have some dog strangling vine has shown up in my flowerbed. I need to get it out of there. So today will be a busy day but at a pace that my tired body can handle. I am looking forward to seeing my chiropractor late this afternoon. The 3 week vacation has been wonderful! But sometimes the beds and pillows have not been as wonderful. I am really happy to back in my own bed and using my own pillow again. Life is fantastic and I'm physically feeling well!