To be honest, I'm getting very discouraged this winter. I had an intestinal flu earlier this week and finally yesterday, I was feeling normal. Hooray!!! I had some energy and happy to be feeling healthy. I went to bed early last night as I was tired. When I laid my head down, I could feel my sinuses filling up. Oh no! Not another cold! And yes, yes it is. My head is full again of congestion and I'm back to having no energy.
I was hoping to get together with friends this morning and I had to cancel that. I was hoping to get together and have coffee at a local coffee shop with some more friends and I had to cancel that. I have been trying to get back into singing and being in the church choir. Tonight is choir practice night and I've had to send an email off to say I won't make it there tonight. I know that the Rituxan has suppressed my immune system but please, God, give me a break from this constantly being ill! I don't want to spread the cold so I quarantine myself to staying at home....and I don't have the energy to go anywhere.
I have to admit that I'm a little worried about being sick all the time. I remind myself that this is the new normal with the Rituxan in my system. But....one of the signs for me when the lymphoma relapsed in 2017 was catching everything that was going around. I used to never get sick. As I felt my sinuses filling up last night, I got scared. So my mind is still playing with me today. "Am I relapsing again?" "I'm losing weight...is it because the lymphoma is back?" (of course, I would lose weight as I had a stomach bug and haven't been able to eat much this week). "I'm so tired all the time." (of course I'm tired, I've started volunteering and filling my days...I'm out of shape). "The night sweats are occurring again...is the lymphoma back?!" (but of course, I'm hot at night...the heat is on and I wear a warm nightgown....but when I don't wear the warm night gown, I'm cold).
It's very tiring to have your mind independently spring these thoughts on you from no where and then you argue with yourself and give plausible explanations. What this creates is fear, confusion and the need to be mentally strong. So, I'm taking care of myself today by drinking lots of steaming cups of tea with honey to help combat the cold. I'm resting. And I'm trying to prevent my thoughts from bringing me down. I think it's time to use the imagery from 2012 where I take the "what ifs" and thrown them in the imaginary closet in my mind and slam the door shut before the other "what ifs" fall out. It's time to take time to be creative and occupy my mind, hence the blog post today.
The blog has been a huge blessing for me as it provides me an outlet to acknowledge my fears and at the same time, hopefully help other people go through their own cancer journeys or other life journeys. Everyone's "trip" is different and unique just like we are different and unique individuals. So today, I acknowledge the fear. After some hot turkey soup for lunch, I think I will pick up my paint brushes and start a new painting. My hope is this activity will occupy my mind and my "what if" thoughts will leave me alone.
Thursday, 30 January 2020
Thursday, 23 January 2020
A Better Day
I woke up this morning at 4:30. I was wide awake and headed for the computer to do some banking and just to surf. I got bored and tired but now it was too close to getting up at a normal time. So, I decided to work on my painting.
Late last summer, a friend of mine posted some pictures she had taken at one of my favourite beaches. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I decided to attempt to paint this favourite place. I neglected to mention yesterday, that this was the first beach my children went to as toddlers. As a young family, Hubby, our children and myself would visit here as part of our summer vacation. I remember burying the children in the sand. I remember making sand castles with them on the beach. We would go wading into the water and jump into the big waves on a hot summer day. As our children grew, they would play frisbee on the beach with dear old Dad and Mom. A football was known to be thrown around as well. Of course, there was always the sunscreen being slathered on as my children inherited my very fair skin along with the red hair. After a busy day, it was always so relaxing to walk along the beach and watch the sunset. So when my friend posted a picture of a sunset at this beach, I asked her permission to download it onto my computer and use it as inspiration for a painting...sometime in the future. As mentioned yesterday, I decided to use painting as another method to be creative. As my voice and music seemed to be touch and go, I needed another creative outlet in addition to my knitting and the occasional posting on the blog. I started the painting last week and this morning I finished it. I'm pleased with it. I love the sunset colours that I managed to create and how they are reflected in the wild waves. I am pleased with how the reds, oranges and blues of the sky reflect on the wet sand as the water retreats back to the lake. The act of painting seems to have released endorphins for me and I've been very happy and relaxed today.
It has been a better day today as I was out this morning to have tea, visit and sing with a couple of good friends. I was able to do this even after an evening of singing last night with my church choir! My voice is on the mend!! Then I was off to run errands and do some groceries before meeting up with another couple of women who have been so supportive as I've struggled. They cheer me along even as I struggled. What a lovely afternoon! I'm feeling so very blessed and happy today. The day has left me with a full feeling of accomplishment. This sort of day truly helps me to feel positive about the future regardless of the fears of the unknown. A simple thing like being creative makes all the difference for me....that and spending time with people. I realize that I'm not the sort of person who can live in a lonely bubble and be happy. Do I like some solitary time? Yes, sometimes. It helps to rejuvenate me. But I need people. I need to feel useful or helpful. I truly need to be creative. Music has always been a part of my life. To lose my singing ability permanently would be a major blow and require another attempt to redefine myself. I am so fortunate that my singing is coming back as I heal and get better from the latest flu. But....I now know that I can still paint in a different medium (acrylic instead of oil) and that I enjoy writing. The blog (started way back in 2012 as a means to inform the many friends and family of what is going on with me regarding the lymphoma) has been unexpectedly good for me to be creative in my writing.
So here's to more good days and great days! And included is my new painting entitled "Sauble Beach Sunset".
Late last summer, a friend of mine posted some pictures she had taken at one of my favourite beaches. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I decided to attempt to paint this favourite place. I neglected to mention yesterday, that this was the first beach my children went to as toddlers. As a young family, Hubby, our children and myself would visit here as part of our summer vacation. I remember burying the children in the sand. I remember making sand castles with them on the beach. We would go wading into the water and jump into the big waves on a hot summer day. As our children grew, they would play frisbee on the beach with dear old Dad and Mom. A football was known to be thrown around as well. Of course, there was always the sunscreen being slathered on as my children inherited my very fair skin along with the red hair. After a busy day, it was always so relaxing to walk along the beach and watch the sunset. So when my friend posted a picture of a sunset at this beach, I asked her permission to download it onto my computer and use it as inspiration for a painting...sometime in the future. As mentioned yesterday, I decided to use painting as another method to be creative. As my voice and music seemed to be touch and go, I needed another creative outlet in addition to my knitting and the occasional posting on the blog. I started the painting last week and this morning I finished it. I'm pleased with it. I love the sunset colours that I managed to create and how they are reflected in the wild waves. I am pleased with how the reds, oranges and blues of the sky reflect on the wet sand as the water retreats back to the lake. The act of painting seems to have released endorphins for me and I've been very happy and relaxed today.
It has been a better day today as I was out this morning to have tea, visit and sing with a couple of good friends. I was able to do this even after an evening of singing last night with my church choir! My voice is on the mend!! Then I was off to run errands and do some groceries before meeting up with another couple of women who have been so supportive as I've struggled. They cheer me along even as I struggled. What a lovely afternoon! I'm feeling so very blessed and happy today. The day has left me with a full feeling of accomplishment. This sort of day truly helps me to feel positive about the future regardless of the fears of the unknown. A simple thing like being creative makes all the difference for me....that and spending time with people. I realize that I'm not the sort of person who can live in a lonely bubble and be happy. Do I like some solitary time? Yes, sometimes. It helps to rejuvenate me. But I need people. I need to feel useful or helpful. I truly need to be creative. Music has always been a part of my life. To lose my singing ability permanently would be a major blow and require another attempt to redefine myself. I am so fortunate that my singing is coming back as I heal and get better from the latest flu. But....I now know that I can still paint in a different medium (acrylic instead of oil) and that I enjoy writing. The blog (started way back in 2012 as a means to inform the many friends and family of what is going on with me regarding the lymphoma) has been unexpectedly good for me to be creative in my writing.
So here's to more good days and great days! And included is my new painting entitled "Sauble Beach Sunset".
Tuesday, 21 January 2020
The Struggle
Time has passed since my last post. At the time of that post, I had a cold that had attached itself to me on November 18. It chose to sit and torment me until just days before Christmas. I am thankful that I was healthy for getting together with friends and family for Christmas. My Christmas day was perfect in my opinion. I love having my table filled with family, love, laughter and food. This is what I remember about the many previous Christmases from my childhood while visiting my grandparents.
Christmas 2019, I was blessed with good health, my children being home, my husband's cousins visiting and enjoying a bountiful meal of turkey with all the trimmings. The table was full of laughter and chatter as we enjoyed each others' company. On Boxing Day (Dec. 26), I felt good and healthy enough to go for a walk. The day was sunny with a slight wind but it was lovely as we were dressed for the weather. Our original plan of a walk in the local conservation area was slightly adjusted to instead being a walk to the bank and some of the stores to see what sales could be had. I was a little wary of going into the stores with my immune system being suppressed. However, I went along into the 2 stores we visited. While in Best Buy, I could hear people hacking and coughing and sneezing. I didn't buy anything but Hubby and some others with us did. I made the mistake of standing in the checkout line with Hubby. On both sides of me, strangers sneezed and coughed without covering their mouths. I instantly told Hubby I was going to wait outside on the bench by the front doors to wait for them. Unfortunately, it was too late. I caught the flu that these people had.
The flu showed up on New Year's Eve day. I ran a fever of 100-101 Fahrenheit from that day until the Saturday. I had a painful racking cough that took my breath away and I was fully congested.....again. As I write this, I am feeling better each day. I find I tire easily and I'm mostly just congested first thing in the morning now. I am finally able to sing again. I truly have had a hoarse speaking and non-existent singing voice since November. However, I am on the mend and I'm singing a little more again.
During this time of illness (November through the first 2 weeks of January), I really struggled with the emotional toll of being sick. Physically I did not have energy to do anything but read and watch television. I was not motivated to write in the blog. When I thought of writing in the blog, all I could think is that no one wants to hear the sad, down-trodden part of living in remission but knowing the whole lymphoma thing will come again. I lost about 8 pounds during this time period. Although it was all explainable as my appetite was affected, I worried. I worried that the lymphoma was back and that this is why I was so sick all the time. I was worried that I was losing weight because there might be tumours inside me that I don't know about eating up all my nutrition. I was worried in the beginning of January that I might have pneumonia. I did go to my family physician to check on that and no, I did not have pneumonia. It was influenza that is going around. That relieved part of my anxiety but I was sad. I was down. I was discouraged as I had no energy. I saw my days gaping ahead of me with no purpose. I was thinking about all the cancer treatments I've gone through since 2012. I was thinking about how quality of life is affected by the treatments, the news that life will not be like it was and there is a "new normal" where I have to watch what I do. These brooding thoughts brought me to a mental place where I saw how the lymphoma has stolen so much from me and although I'm in remission, the treatments have stolen my health from me as well. Of course, there was the news article about Doxarubicin which was in my chemo regime in 2012 and how this "drug" will most likely affect my heart in the years to come too. Quality of life......hmmmmmm.....NOT!! So along with feeling down, I was feeling some anger too.
So I have made the decision to stop whining. I am going to fill my days so I don't have time to brood and go into that dark place that beckons me. I started volunteering in a position where I do not deal with the public but I am doing some good. The volunteer position is not doing anything earth shattering but I feel like I make a bit of a difference. I am sleeping more soundly due to being active. I realized that I need to start walking every day....but I'm putting it off until tomorrow when the temperature will be closer to the freezing mark and not in the deep cold that we've been experiencing. I have also started painting again. I planned on doing that back in the Fall but I just did not have the energy or desire while I was down and out with the cold and then the flu. This past Monday, I started painting a picture of my favourite beach where I enjoyed many hours as a child, teenager and young adult. I used to walk along this beach in the early mornings before any tourists showed up. I love the sunsets which is what I'm working on in this painting. The lake always has rolling, breaking waves. I have never painted breaking waves before and so far, I am pleased with my efforts. Hubby actually recognized the breaking waves!
So the struggle seems to be less this week. Last week, it was a definite struggle. On Thursday last week, I felt like I was in an eddy of blackness that was sucking me down. I went to church on Sunday and the minister's sermon was so very appropriate to what I had been struggling with in the last couple of months. She talked about imperfect people having gifts to offer and use. Her sermon was the impetus I required to get back into painting and writing. To embrace my new volunteer roll. These things along with rejoining the choir, now that I'm healthy, and getting together with friends again is helping to lift me up.
Christmas 2019, I was blessed with good health, my children being home, my husband's cousins visiting and enjoying a bountiful meal of turkey with all the trimmings. The table was full of laughter and chatter as we enjoyed each others' company. On Boxing Day (Dec. 26), I felt good and healthy enough to go for a walk. The day was sunny with a slight wind but it was lovely as we were dressed for the weather. Our original plan of a walk in the local conservation area was slightly adjusted to instead being a walk to the bank and some of the stores to see what sales could be had. I was a little wary of going into the stores with my immune system being suppressed. However, I went along into the 2 stores we visited. While in Best Buy, I could hear people hacking and coughing and sneezing. I didn't buy anything but Hubby and some others with us did. I made the mistake of standing in the checkout line with Hubby. On both sides of me, strangers sneezed and coughed without covering their mouths. I instantly told Hubby I was going to wait outside on the bench by the front doors to wait for them. Unfortunately, it was too late. I caught the flu that these people had.
The flu showed up on New Year's Eve day. I ran a fever of 100-101 Fahrenheit from that day until the Saturday. I had a painful racking cough that took my breath away and I was fully congested.....again. As I write this, I am feeling better each day. I find I tire easily and I'm mostly just congested first thing in the morning now. I am finally able to sing again. I truly have had a hoarse speaking and non-existent singing voice since November. However, I am on the mend and I'm singing a little more again.
During this time of illness (November through the first 2 weeks of January), I really struggled with the emotional toll of being sick. Physically I did not have energy to do anything but read and watch television. I was not motivated to write in the blog. When I thought of writing in the blog, all I could think is that no one wants to hear the sad, down-trodden part of living in remission but knowing the whole lymphoma thing will come again. I lost about 8 pounds during this time period. Although it was all explainable as my appetite was affected, I worried. I worried that the lymphoma was back and that this is why I was so sick all the time. I was worried that I was losing weight because there might be tumours inside me that I don't know about eating up all my nutrition. I was worried in the beginning of January that I might have pneumonia. I did go to my family physician to check on that and no, I did not have pneumonia. It was influenza that is going around. That relieved part of my anxiety but I was sad. I was down. I was discouraged as I had no energy. I saw my days gaping ahead of me with no purpose. I was thinking about all the cancer treatments I've gone through since 2012. I was thinking about how quality of life is affected by the treatments, the news that life will not be like it was and there is a "new normal" where I have to watch what I do. These brooding thoughts brought me to a mental place where I saw how the lymphoma has stolen so much from me and although I'm in remission, the treatments have stolen my health from me as well. Of course, there was the news article about Doxarubicin which was in my chemo regime in 2012 and how this "drug" will most likely affect my heart in the years to come too. Quality of life......hmmmmmm.....NOT!! So along with feeling down, I was feeling some anger too.
So I have made the decision to stop whining. I am going to fill my days so I don't have time to brood and go into that dark place that beckons me. I started volunteering in a position where I do not deal with the public but I am doing some good. The volunteer position is not doing anything earth shattering but I feel like I make a bit of a difference. I am sleeping more soundly due to being active. I realized that I need to start walking every day....but I'm putting it off until tomorrow when the temperature will be closer to the freezing mark and not in the deep cold that we've been experiencing. I have also started painting again. I planned on doing that back in the Fall but I just did not have the energy or desire while I was down and out with the cold and then the flu. This past Monday, I started painting a picture of my favourite beach where I enjoyed many hours as a child, teenager and young adult. I used to walk along this beach in the early mornings before any tourists showed up. I love the sunsets which is what I'm working on in this painting. The lake always has rolling, breaking waves. I have never painted breaking waves before and so far, I am pleased with my efforts. Hubby actually recognized the breaking waves!
So the struggle seems to be less this week. Last week, it was a definite struggle. On Thursday last week, I felt like I was in an eddy of blackness that was sucking me down. I went to church on Sunday and the minister's sermon was so very appropriate to what I had been struggling with in the last couple of months. She talked about imperfect people having gifts to offer and use. Her sermon was the impetus I required to get back into painting and writing. To embrace my new volunteer roll. These things along with rejoining the choir, now that I'm healthy, and getting together with friends again is helping to lift me up.
Friday, 29 November 2019
What God Hath (Has) Promised
As my last post mentioned, I had my final treatment and I was off to visit family for an early Christmas celebration. I always enjoy my Extended Family Christmas. The only people missing are my Grandpa (d. 1986), my Dad (d. 1991) and my Grandma (d. 1993). It was a wonderful day even though I tired quickly. Family just accepted that and let me rest. My son realized I was totally spent and quietly moved all our presents and empty dishes to the back door of my brother's place. He also approached Hubby and let him know it was time to go. I was waiting until after Don Cherry's segment had finished before I was going to let Hubby know I was exhausted and needed to leave. Everyone totally understood.
After returning home, I have picked up a bad head/throat cold that I'm having difficulty shaking off. This morning, as I was using limited energy to dust in preparation for putting up Christmas decorations, I took time to read and reflect on What God Hath Promised. This is a poem based on scripture (1 Kings 8:56) that I received from my mother's cousin back in 2012 when I had my first bout of lymphoma. I don't know who wrote it. She told me that her mother (she died before I was born of breast cancer) had this poem on the hallway wall outside her (my great-aunt's) bedroom. I have it hung in my own bedroom but often just walk by or quickly read it over as I dust. I've been having some down days as I still try to adjust to not working. Having the cold hasn't helped as I have no energy and then too much time to think and have a lonely pity party.
God hath (has) not promised skies always blue.
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives thro';
God hath (has) not promised sun without rain.
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
This first verse of the poem reminds me that our lives are never perfect, sunny days with no illness, sorrow or negativity. We can try to make our lives positive, healthy and joyful but it is never a guarantee.
God hath (has) not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe:
He hath (has) not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.
Again, this verse tells me that my life is not guaranteed to avoid struggles or hard work both physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm reminded that the absence of grief, worry and heavy physical and emotional burdens are not promised. It's not a guarantee of a perfect life.
God hath (has) not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy travel needing no guide:
Never a mountain, rocky and steep,
Never a river turbid and deep:
I really like this verse as it seems to echo my thoughts on my own journey through life. In the times that I've been healthy and active, it is so easy to travel swiftly and easily through these times with less leaning on my "guide" Jesus/God/Holy Spirit. However, when I encounter "mountains rocky and steep" or "rivers turbid and deep", then I do lean on my constant companion in this life and my deep faith. Does this make me fickle? When the way is so steep and rocky (going through chemo) or the river is turbid and deep (swirling emotions and thoughts of uselessness as I sit doing nothing in an attempt to get better physically), is it only then that I lean on my "guide"? I don't believe this makes me fickle. When I'm healthy and riding on the back of The Big Wing or I'm gardening and enjoying nature, I quietly in my thoughts praise God for the joy of living. Joy....is also there deep inside me even when I'm in the middle of the deep, turbid river of trials. Do I doubt my "guide" sometimes. Sure. Do I get discouraged? Yes. But inevitably, I do feel God by my side in both good and bad times.
But God hath (has) promised strength for the day,
Rest after labor, light for our way.
Grace for all trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.
As I read this last verse this morning while dusting, I contemplated the meanings of the words. God has promised me strength for my day(s). Even when I'm ill, I need to feel productive. Even now, as I'm unemployed and sitting at home, I need to feel that I've accomplished something. God does give me strength. He does give me rest after my labour. Sometimes I'm a little stubborn and go beyond what my energy levels are at. I always pay for it by being too tired to do anything the next day or the next couple of days. This is the "rest after labour". "Light for our way" is given to me through God's angels. These "angels" are my friends, my family and my church family. The warm glow of love helps light up my day and give a light for my path through both healthy, joyful times and also dark, ill times in my life's journey. Again, looking at the third line in this verse, God provides grace and help to me through my human support network but also through inspired thoughts throughout my day. This morning, the last line left me feeling cossetted and cherished. For me, "Unfailing sympathy, undying love", is always felt when I'm at my lowest point or in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.
This poem, reminds me to look to my faith. Think about God and Jesus as my constant companion at all hours of the day and night. In my darkest times, I always feel like God's hand is cupped and holding me gently while He carries me throught the rockiest and steepest climb of an unmovable mountain.
I truly am blessed and thankful. I'm thankful for all my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, friends and church family. What cherished blessings you all are. Now go...seize the day....find joy in all circumstances.
After returning home, I have picked up a bad head/throat cold that I'm having difficulty shaking off. This morning, as I was using limited energy to dust in preparation for putting up Christmas decorations, I took time to read and reflect on What God Hath Promised. This is a poem based on scripture (1 Kings 8:56) that I received from my mother's cousin back in 2012 when I had my first bout of lymphoma. I don't know who wrote it. She told me that her mother (she died before I was born of breast cancer) had this poem on the hallway wall outside her (my great-aunt's) bedroom. I have it hung in my own bedroom but often just walk by or quickly read it over as I dust. I've been having some down days as I still try to adjust to not working. Having the cold hasn't helped as I have no energy and then too much time to think and have a lonely pity party.
God hath (has) not promised skies always blue.
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives thro';
God hath (has) not promised sun without rain.
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
This first verse of the poem reminds me that our lives are never perfect, sunny days with no illness, sorrow or negativity. We can try to make our lives positive, healthy and joyful but it is never a guarantee.
God hath (has) not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe:
He hath (has) not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.
Again, this verse tells me that my life is not guaranteed to avoid struggles or hard work both physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm reminded that the absence of grief, worry and heavy physical and emotional burdens are not promised. It's not a guarantee of a perfect life.
God hath (has) not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy travel needing no guide:
Never a mountain, rocky and steep,
Never a river turbid and deep:
I really like this verse as it seems to echo my thoughts on my own journey through life. In the times that I've been healthy and active, it is so easy to travel swiftly and easily through these times with less leaning on my "guide" Jesus/God/Holy Spirit. However, when I encounter "mountains rocky and steep" or "rivers turbid and deep", then I do lean on my constant companion in this life and my deep faith. Does this make me fickle? When the way is so steep and rocky (going through chemo) or the river is turbid and deep (swirling emotions and thoughts of uselessness as I sit doing nothing in an attempt to get better physically), is it only then that I lean on my "guide"? I don't believe this makes me fickle. When I'm healthy and riding on the back of The Big Wing or I'm gardening and enjoying nature, I quietly in my thoughts praise God for the joy of living. Joy....is also there deep inside me even when I'm in the middle of the deep, turbid river of trials. Do I doubt my "guide" sometimes. Sure. Do I get discouraged? Yes. But inevitably, I do feel God by my side in both good and bad times.
But God hath (has) promised strength for the day,
Rest after labor, light for our way.
Grace for all trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.
As I read this last verse this morning while dusting, I contemplated the meanings of the words. God has promised me strength for my day(s). Even when I'm ill, I need to feel productive. Even now, as I'm unemployed and sitting at home, I need to feel that I've accomplished something. God does give me strength. He does give me rest after my labour. Sometimes I'm a little stubborn and go beyond what my energy levels are at. I always pay for it by being too tired to do anything the next day or the next couple of days. This is the "rest after labour". "Light for our way" is given to me through God's angels. These "angels" are my friends, my family and my church family. The warm glow of love helps light up my day and give a light for my path through both healthy, joyful times and also dark, ill times in my life's journey. Again, looking at the third line in this verse, God provides grace and help to me through my human support network but also through inspired thoughts throughout my day. This morning, the last line left me feeling cossetted and cherished. For me, "Unfailing sympathy, undying love", is always felt when I'm at my lowest point or in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.
This poem, reminds me to look to my faith. Think about God and Jesus as my constant companion at all hours of the day and night. In my darkest times, I always feel like God's hand is cupped and holding me gently while He carries me throught the rockiest and steepest climb of an unmovable mountain.
I truly am blessed and thankful. I'm thankful for all my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, friends and church family. What cherished blessings you all are. Now go...seize the day....find joy in all circumstances.
Thursday, 7 November 2019
A Long, LONG Overdue Update
Oh my!!! Time has gotten away on me and I haven't been posting on the blog regularly. Briefly, I am very healthy and I have lots of energy and strength. This is why I haven't posted. The summer was spent outdoors with my gardening. After years of neglect, I finally got the gardens somewhat weed free and flourishing. My vegetable garden performed very well and I spent the last couple of months reaping the benefits of the vegetables. My freezer is full for the upcoming winter with various soups, beets and sauces. I also froze my apples, pears, rhubarb and zucchini in quantities for baking throughout the winter.
Thanksgiving was a beautiful holiday even though my children were not able to spend it with us. Instead, we shared the holiday and harvest meal with my husband's cousin. It was a lovely weekend. The weather was unseasonably warm and we were able to enjoy an evening around the small, contained fire pit.
Throughout the month of September, the plan to finally return to work was put in place. With excitement and some trepidation, I started the process of the required medical tests and procedures which are required to volunteer or work in the hospital environment. After asking my oncologist a question regarding the timing of my last maintenance chemo treatment and the flu shot, I received information from my doctor that indicated I should not return to work or volunteer in the public realm and certainly not in the hospital. My immune system is permanently suppressed and even with all the vaccinations, I am very susceptible to all the viruses that circulate. It was a very sad day for me. It was difficult to have to tell my manager that I would not be returning to work on November 11 as previously planned. My emotions were very close to the surface. I felt anger as this disease has once again taken something that I thoroughly enjoyed away from me. I felt grief. I felt sadness as I won't see my co-workers on a regular basis. I felt like I was a failure. I've since recovered some of my joie de vivre. I continue to look for another way to make myself a contributing member of society. I may look into volunteering at the food bank but not with the public part of that. I could help unload and put away the various food items on the storage shelves.
With the good weather behind us and winter looming, I have decided to enroll in an exercise program. I intend to pick up my painting again. I haven't painted regularly since 1990. I am going to learn to paint using acrylics instead of oils this time. I will still have my blog that I can write in. And maybe, if I have good energy and we have enough snow, I can pick up snow shoeing again. I have also been able to return to singing in the church choir. I'm thoroughly enjoying it!!
Today, I will have my last maintenance treatment of Rituxan. Yayyy!!!!! I saw my oncologist yesterday and all my blood levels are in the normal range. I will have this last treatment this afternoon and then I'm off to a special dinner with my hubby and 2 very close friends. If I need to leave the dinner early, our friends are willing to drive me home as Hubby has some obligations to take care of at the evening event.
As I write this, our first snow is drifting lazily down. Big, fluffy snowflakes have been falling all morning and are accumulating on the ground. Hubby rode The Big Wing (his Honda Goldwing motorcycle) to the shop for storage this morning in the snow. That was a first. The poor Big Wing has never seen snow while we've owned it. We will look forward to next Spring when it will come home and we can go out for our rides again. My next post on the blog will tell all about our summer vacation in August on The Big Wing. Life is full of adventures and I really have climbed out of my doldrums of the last few weeks. It's time to look forward and see what life brings my way. As of yesterday, I have graduated to seeing my oncologist every 6 months for a check up.
Keep checking back for future posts which will happen more regularly now.
Thanksgiving was a beautiful holiday even though my children were not able to spend it with us. Instead, we shared the holiday and harvest meal with my husband's cousin. It was a lovely weekend. The weather was unseasonably warm and we were able to enjoy an evening around the small, contained fire pit.
Throughout the month of September, the plan to finally return to work was put in place. With excitement and some trepidation, I started the process of the required medical tests and procedures which are required to volunteer or work in the hospital environment. After asking my oncologist a question regarding the timing of my last maintenance chemo treatment and the flu shot, I received information from my doctor that indicated I should not return to work or volunteer in the public realm and certainly not in the hospital. My immune system is permanently suppressed and even with all the vaccinations, I am very susceptible to all the viruses that circulate. It was a very sad day for me. It was difficult to have to tell my manager that I would not be returning to work on November 11 as previously planned. My emotions were very close to the surface. I felt anger as this disease has once again taken something that I thoroughly enjoyed away from me. I felt grief. I felt sadness as I won't see my co-workers on a regular basis. I felt like I was a failure. I've since recovered some of my joie de vivre. I continue to look for another way to make myself a contributing member of society. I may look into volunteering at the food bank but not with the public part of that. I could help unload and put away the various food items on the storage shelves.
With the good weather behind us and winter looming, I have decided to enroll in an exercise program. I intend to pick up my painting again. I haven't painted regularly since 1990. I am going to learn to paint using acrylics instead of oils this time. I will still have my blog that I can write in. And maybe, if I have good energy and we have enough snow, I can pick up snow shoeing again. I have also been able to return to singing in the church choir. I'm thoroughly enjoying it!!
Today, I will have my last maintenance treatment of Rituxan. Yayyy!!!!! I saw my oncologist yesterday and all my blood levels are in the normal range. I will have this last treatment this afternoon and then I'm off to a special dinner with my hubby and 2 very close friends. If I need to leave the dinner early, our friends are willing to drive me home as Hubby has some obligations to take care of at the evening event.
As I write this, our first snow is drifting lazily down. Big, fluffy snowflakes have been falling all morning and are accumulating on the ground. Hubby rode The Big Wing (his Honda Goldwing motorcycle) to the shop for storage this morning in the snow. That was a first. The poor Big Wing has never seen snow while we've owned it. We will look forward to next Spring when it will come home and we can go out for our rides again. My next post on the blog will tell all about our summer vacation in August on The Big Wing. Life is full of adventures and I really have climbed out of my doldrums of the last few weeks. It's time to look forward and see what life brings my way. As of yesterday, I have graduated to seeing my oncologist every 6 months for a check up.
Keep checking back for future posts which will happen more regularly now.
Monday, 15 July 2019
Vacation Day 7 - July 8, 2019 at Eagle Lake
It's always so sad to say good bye to a lovely paradise such as this. I have my last morning coffee on the deck and watch the quiet lake. I love this view and hope to someday paint some of the photos I've taken. It's been a long time (over 25 years!) since I've done any painting. At that time I used oil paints but now I want to try my hand using acrylic paints. Some projects are in my mind. We'll see if they get painted.
After a leisurely breakfast and coffee, it's time to start packing up. We've had such a wonderful time and I want to leave the cottage in just as good a shape as we found it or maybe even better. I sweep and vacuum. I pack up the rest of the dry goods. I take the coolers and freezer packs and pack up our things from the fridge and freezer.
Hubby starts to move items into the car and pack it up tight. We brought our cat, Frodo, with us on this holiday. He is getting to be a really old man. He has enjoyed the cottage (he's an indoor cat) but he does not like riding in the car. I spray his carrier with a product that is supposed to help calm him. It worked well on the way up to the cottage last week. Finally it's time to put Frodo in his carrier.
Windows are all closed and locked and everything is closed and locked up. Into the car we all go and off we head home. Unfortunately, there was road closure on Hwy 38 (our route home) and we had to back track and find another route home. Our poor Frodo did not travel as well this time. I felt absolutely terrible for him. We eventually made it home and spoiled him rotten.
Everything got unpacked and laundry was started. We had vacation the rest of this week as well and we used it to finish up the trim and details after having the new flooring put in. I've worked hard all this past week (July 9-13) to get the laundry done and the gardens weeded, shrubs trimmed and zucchini picked. It's back to reality but I'm still making time for a quiet coffee and book on the patio in the mornings. A week after returning home and I can still imagine clearly the view from the deck of the cottage overlooking Eagle Lake. It was a lovely retreat.
After a leisurely breakfast and coffee, it's time to start packing up. We've had such a wonderful time and I want to leave the cottage in just as good a shape as we found it or maybe even better. I sweep and vacuum. I pack up the rest of the dry goods. I take the coolers and freezer packs and pack up our things from the fridge and freezer.
Hubby starts to move items into the car and pack it up tight. We brought our cat, Frodo, with us on this holiday. He is getting to be a really old man. He has enjoyed the cottage (he's an indoor cat) but he does not like riding in the car. I spray his carrier with a product that is supposed to help calm him. It worked well on the way up to the cottage last week. Finally it's time to put Frodo in his carrier.
Windows are all closed and locked and everything is closed and locked up. Into the car we all go and off we head home. Unfortunately, there was road closure on Hwy 38 (our route home) and we had to back track and find another route home. Our poor Frodo did not travel as well this time. I felt absolutely terrible for him. We eventually made it home and spoiled him rotten.
Everything got unpacked and laundry was started. We had vacation the rest of this week as well and we used it to finish up the trim and details after having the new flooring put in. I've worked hard all this past week (July 9-13) to get the laundry done and the gardens weeded, shrubs trimmed and zucchini picked. It's back to reality but I'm still making time for a quiet coffee and book on the patio in the mornings. A week after returning home and I can still imagine clearly the view from the deck of the cottage overlooking Eagle Lake. It was a lovely retreat.
Vacation Day 6 - July 7, 2019 at Eagle Lake
This is our last full day here. The week has gone by so quickly and as always I'm feeling a little sad that our idyllic time here is drawing to a close. But I've still got a great day to enjoy this little bit of paradise.
It's 8:00 and it is cool with not a cloud in the sky. The blue sky reflects into the water so we have a blue lake this morning. Last night was our first night without needing a fan and we actually wanted our blanket on us! A wonderful night's sleep.
I'm so excited for today. We have some friends coming out in the afternoon who work so very hard and are so very generous with us. We have convinced them to come for the afternoon and dinner so they can have some well-deserved down time. It's a lazy day again with reading my book and writing in my notebook. I did feel creative so I've made a marinade to soak the pork tenderloin in all day. The rest of the meal is easy. Baked potatoes and a salad.
Our friends arrive and we have, as always, a fantastically relaxed time together. When it comes time to put the pork on the BBQ, it smells delicious from the marinade. We get carried away visiting and before we know it the meat is slightly overcooked but still really good because of sitting in the marinade earlier. We enjoy our meal and continue to talk, laugh and enjoy. Before we know it, it's time for them to leave and get home. What a great last day we had!!!
I spend the evening packing up the dry goods into our bags and having some things ready to go for packing the car in the morning. Off to sleep we go and sleep well we do. Again, it is cool and lovely weather!
It's 8:00 and it is cool with not a cloud in the sky. The blue sky reflects into the water so we have a blue lake this morning. Last night was our first night without needing a fan and we actually wanted our blanket on us! A wonderful night's sleep.
I'm so excited for today. We have some friends coming out in the afternoon who work so very hard and are so very generous with us. We have convinced them to come for the afternoon and dinner so they can have some well-deserved down time. It's a lazy day again with reading my book and writing in my notebook. I did feel creative so I've made a marinade to soak the pork tenderloin in all day. The rest of the meal is easy. Baked potatoes and a salad.
Our friends arrive and we have, as always, a fantastically relaxed time together. When it comes time to put the pork on the BBQ, it smells delicious from the marinade. We get carried away visiting and before we know it the meat is slightly overcooked but still really good because of sitting in the marinade earlier. We enjoy our meal and continue to talk, laugh and enjoy. Before we know it, it's time for them to leave and get home. What a great last day we had!!!
I spend the evening packing up the dry goods into our bags and having some things ready to go for packing the car in the morning. Off to sleep we go and sleep well we do. Again, it is cool and lovely weather!
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