Saturday, 21 April 2012

Day 17 - 5th Chemo Cycle - "Surprise!!"

This morning I woke up with a massive night sweat at 5 a.m.  I was so hot and drenched that I got up so that my sheets could dry and air out.  I played some card games on the computer for a couple of hours and then got tired again.  I headed back to bed about 7 a.m.  I intended to just rest for a bit.  The next thing I knew, my husband was shaking me awake to make sure I was not ill.  It was 10 a.m.  I was still feeling bone tired but I got up and sat around in my housecoat.  I had a cup of coffee and was reading the paper when our doorbell rang.  I thought it was representatives from the local Kingdom Hall or the Mormans.  I let my husband answer the door.  The next thing I knew, a very good friend from PEI (a 15 hour drive) was coming up the stairs into the living room!!  What a wonderful surprise!!!!

We had a 2 hour visit filled with tears, laughter and heartfelt love.  She and my husband had been in contact and arranged for this visit.  I had no clue!  What a wonderful way to start my day.  What a great lift to my spirits.  I had been a little down because after a conversation late yesterday, I had been struggling with the possibility that my chemotherapy may not work and I could be facing death in 6 months time.  My friend's visit came at a most opportune time.  I consider this another Godcidence because I was struggling emotionally a little bit this morning.

After my friend left, I took it easy as we also had plans to have a couple that we are very good friends with over for the afternoon and evening.  I haven't seen them since before I started chemotherapy.  Everyone who sees me all make the same comment about how well I look.  I still look healthy because I still have pink cheeks.

Our friends had been on vacation in Florida a couple of weeks ago and it was really nice to live vicariously through them as they relived their trip for us.  We visited and watched NHL hockey.  We visited and ate a fulfilling meal of lasagna, caesar salad and cake for dessert.  We continued our visiting while we watched the evening edition of the NHL.  Time flew by and before I was ready, they had to leave to go home.  What a great day this was even though I was very tired when it first started.

I'm still struggling with the possibility that the lymphoma could return or that it is still in me.  I would truly like to believe it is gone and that I have beaten this thing.  My fear is that it could return within 6 months time.  When I see my doctor on Wednesday for my check up, I'll be asking him what sort of things I need to watch out for.  My fear is that cancer could start growing inside me again and I won't know about it.  I don't want to become a hypochondriac, but I want to know what to watch for and when should I be running to the doctor.  Should I be concerned about constant colds?  Should I be concerned if my voice goes hoarse again?  Could the cancer come back in some other part of my body (not as lymphoma)?  Do I need to be totally educated about all the symptoms of the various types of cancer?  I really don't want to go through chemotherapy ever again.  I can't control this.  What gives me any kind of peace is the belief that I can hand all my worries over to God to handle for me.  And to pray for a remission and cure.  I have a little statue of God's hand holding a small child.  I find comfort in believing I am the small child and I am being held in God's hand for safe keeping.

I have 4 more good days ahead of me before I start my last round of chemotherapy.  I will be ringing the bell to show that I am finished the chemotherapy!  But for now, I want to enjoy my next 4 days.  As with my other cycles, I have very special, warm memories from today to get me through this next cycle.  Imagine, a surprise visitor from PEI!!!!

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