Day 9 - 5th Chemo Cycle

I awoke with my first morning of feeling "normal" since my chemotherapy injection last Thursday.  By saying "normal" I mean I have energy and clarity of thought.  I feel happy to embrace the day ahead.  This morning I was happy to be coming out of that first week.    I always feel like I've lost a complete week in my life.  It is a week that is spent just surviving and going one breath at a time.   The week gets dropped from my memory which is rather disconcerting.  Today I did some laundry and hung it outside to dry in the sunny and breezy day.  I love the fresh smell that comes from clothes being hung outside.  That is a smell that cannot be imitated or bottled.  I was also planning to try pruning some more grape vines.

After having done the laundry, it was lunch time.  I made some carrot ginger soup yesterday so I reheated a bowl and enjoyed that.  Then my day changed.  I started having some stomach cramping.  My diarrhea returned.  It lasted for one hour which is an improvement to earlier in the week when it would last for 2 hours each day.  Although it was only an hour, I was back to feeling chilled, weak, dizzy and exhausted.  I'm wondering if it is being caused by the senokot and stool softeners which I use to keep from being constipated.  When I didn't use them on Wednesday night (Day 7), I was not afflicted like this yesterday (Day 8).  I took the senokot and stool softeners last night because I was afraid of becoming constipated.

Anyway, this afternoon I went with what my body told me and I didn't do anything else.  The grape vines will have to wait for another day.  My thrush is still here.  I've been using the Nystatin (swish and swallow) for the last 3 days.  I really don't like it.  I always feel nauseous after taking it and I have to take it 4 times every day.  It is less nasty if I take it after having eaten a meal.  Having said that, my appetite is coming back so I see that the good days are going to be arriving over the weekend probably.

It's helping me emotionally to remind myself that there is only 4 weeks left of this process.  This reminder is what got me through this last week.  I'm so tired of doing the chemotherapy.  I've lost 4 1/2 months of my life to this.  I know it is so I can have a full and healthy life ahead of me which is why I'm enduring it.  Although, now that I truly think about it, the last 4 months have also been incredibly blessed with self-knowledge, a deeper faith, renewed friendships, affirmed relationships, and a sense of being completely surrounded by love.  So I guess the last 4 months or so have not been a waste.  I just can't wait to "do" things in life again and enjoy them.  I'm looking forward to relaxing on my patio with a glass of wine (or two), camping, visiting with friends, eating anything I want and not worrying about how it will affect my stomach or my thrush, watching my son play baseball, shopping with my daughter, wandering downtown while window shopping, walking along the shoreline, hiking in the conservation areas and eating at my favourite restaurants.

I will be doing some of this in the summer but I will have to pace myself and see what my body's stamina is capable to doing.  I'll continue to listen to my body.  People have often asked how did you find the lymphoma.  What were the symptoms.  All I can say is that in order to catch something early, you have to listen to your body.    If you're tired all the time, ask youself why.  If there is any change in your body, emotions, energy levels, etc. pay attention to them.  If something doesn't "feel" right, go to your doctor.  Press for answers.  As my family doctor said at the beginning of all this, "we'll run tests to see what it is not".  Listen to your body.