I didn't sleep well again last night. This time it was because my sleep was interrupted by dreams. I don't remember the dreams but I do know that I woke myself up by hearing me yelling out and thrashing in the bed. As a result, I was very tired again today. I know what triggered the dreams and as the day progressed, I was finally able to start to put aside the anxiety and worry.
Today I finally recognized the amount of energy I have wasted over the years through worrying and fretting about situations that I have no control over. As the realization dawned, I began to move to a place of acceptance and peace. Over the years I've heard that you cannot control other people's emotions, reactions and to just move on. I had accepted that I could only control my own reactions and actions. What I hadn't fully learned, and today I took a small step to finally learning, is that it doesn't help to fret about upcoming events and the fretting is wasted energy. I need this energy focused on my healing right now. I can't afford to fret about something that is 2 or 3 months away. This is another example of one breath at a time, one moment at a time, one step at a time. I have started to look too far ahead. I NEED to not worry about what is going to happen in the future due to someone else's emotions, reactions or actions.
Today I was embracing the idea of an encircling prayer to keep me safe and give me peace. It helped. I had started to use this method of prayer in January and into February. Then I forgot. I need to establish the habit of this type of prayer. I believe that the encircling prayer actually has its roots in the Celtic/Druid tradition. The one I've been using is actually a Christian one. It goes:
"The Sacred Three my fortress be
Encircling me.
Come and be round
my hearth and my home."
I found this at www.northernway.org/cpprayers.html
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